Weekend at the beach part 2

Our Weekend At the Beach

Happy Fourth Of July Everyone.

Same Guy or Twin brother who is a Marine?

My Husband, the Native

Spear fishing is a delicate sport. So delicate in fact one must not wear pants.

Rules for Friends of Pregnant Women

1. Never stop me on my way to the bathroom to chat or ask innane questions, or rather, just don't stop me at all.
2. Never keep me waiting for food. In fact it might be good to keep a snack on hand as an offering if it comes to that.
3. Never lean on me, prop your feet on me, or (this only happens to short people) put your elbow on my head to indicate how short i am.
4. Never say (i don't care what kind of voice or intention is behind it) "Look at how big you're getting."
5. Never tell me how much weight you, your friend, your mother, her friend, or anyone you knew or heard of put on when they were pregnant.
6. Never imply or outright say that I am being whiny if i am telling you how uncomfortable I am, how I have a hard time sleeping, how sitting for long periods is uncomfortable etc. Especially if you've never been pregnant before.
7. Never do that "good natured, slightly condescending chuckle and head shake" to try to indicate to those around me as if trying to say, "pregnant women are so silly." Just because I am pregnant and prone to doing abnormal things does not mean I am a 2 year old or blind.
8. Never, EVER, EVER draw attention to my chubbier arms, thighs, or butt. Even if you mean it in a "good" way (yes i know i didn't have much of an ass before and "it's a miracle" but i don't want to hear about it).
9. DO NOT tell me what I can and can't eat or do. I have read the same if not more books, articles, and reports on pregnancy and all the current research. AND even if you see me eatting tuna, a package of smoked salmon, an entire package of cookies, sushi, beef carpaccio, drinking coffee, standing on my head, lifting something heavy DO NOT, I REPEAT NOT ASK ME WHAT I'M DOING! IT'S MY BABY AND MY BODY AND SHORT OF DOWNING SHOTS OF TEQUILA AND SMOKING PACKS OF CIGARETTES IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!
10. If i offer to let you feel the baby move don't act all weird about the belly. If you'd rather not touch it say so, but don't pretend i have lice. Also if i push your hand into my belly slightly harder don't tell me i'm gunna hurt the baby, it's in a sack of water under several inches of fat and flesh.
11. Don't tell me horror stories about birth. I do not want to hear about dying babies or mommies. I do not want to hear ANYTHING about how i've decided to give birth in a birthing center instead of a hospital unless it's supportive and kind.

The "Nesting Instinct" is no myth

I'm am feeling a profound urge to organize everything.

Part of me wants to buy that house just so i can fulfill this odd need to put baby clothes in a drawer and books on a shelf.

"Hey Richard, is this your coat?"

pregnancy hormones, feeling desparate, and a change in the wind

I had a small breakdown yesterday and left work around noon for fear of completely losing it. Fortunately, I did get all my work done before leaving.

Ben had taken the day off to work on his dad's house and was over there so I drove straight from work to there and cried on him until we were both thoroughly soaked. Then he made me a sandwich and plopped me in front of the big screen tv to watch comedy central.

After a bit we went out and laid in the grass under the crab apple tree and talked about our future. Sometimes it just doesn't feel like we have much of one.

The job that Ben and Dad are working on may not be finished until as late as August which will only leave a month and a little bit to work on the Little House before the wee one is born. Which would mean we would have no place to live when the baby was born. or at least continue to live with my folks which i don't see as an option.

While we were laying out under the crab apple tree, Ben's dad came home and joined us.

He mentioned something interesting... that the people up the hill from him were sub-dividing their property and that they're selling the tiny little gingerbread house on the hill.

We walked up and looked at it. It was so adorable and pretty well protected in a grove of oaks...

So now we're thinking of buying a house after all...

Sigh. We can't make up our minds... we're breaking commitments... we're feeling trapped...

yeesh. How does anyone ever start out?

My Retro Baby

Friday. I get home from work. Two large boxes are sitting on the chopping block in the kitchen addressed to "Libby Jones and Ben Matthew." They are from New England and the return address is none i recognize.

Turns out my bestest friend, Kirstin and her Mom plotted to send me Kirstin's and her brother's old baby clothes. The first thing i pulled out of the box is the cutest Peter Rabbit snow suit from like 1982.

Last Wednesday my Mom's friend Brooke came by and brought her son's old baby clothes, swing, johnny-jump-up, etc, etc...

This Sunday Ben and I are driving down to Virginia to gather more baby stuffs from my Aunt Mary.

This kid already owns more stuff than Ben and I put together. If all goes well we'll only have to buy diapers.

Death Predictor

http://evil.berzerker.net/death_predictions.php

This Website has told me:

"Libby Jones: At age 59, you will die lonely and alone from morbid obesity. "

*is that not the perfect thing to tell a young pregnant woman who is already paranoid about never getting her old body or life back?*

What happens when you swallow a watermelon seed

Life Cycle of a Dragonfly

While fishing down at Frog Hollow yesterday Ben, my cousin Charlie and his wife Sandra and I all got to witness something totally incredible.

We watched a dragonfly emerge from the hardened shell of it's nymph form. Uncurl it's wings and it's long tail, dry off in the sun. Unfold it's wings and take off on it's first flight in it's new body.

Although it makes complete sense, I had no idea that dragonflies started out as beetly creatures (nymphs, just like butterflies, moths and others). The whole process took about three or four hours and during it's transformation it turned from bright green to a sort of transparenty yellow and brown/black where the bracts of the tail and outter armor met.

It was really, really, cool.

Fourth grade science project here I come!!!


We also saw a 5 ft long blacksnake who i named Johnny Sprockets and a big old box turtle named Too Step. Ahh nature! (Oh and Ben caught the biggest fish so far of the season, a large mouth bass).

Easy Soaker Pattern

I was digging through some things this weekend looking for good yarn to make soakers and I found this great pattern that my mother made up. It's a simple, easy Soaker pattern. So, if anyone feels so inclined, I would owe you greatly if you wanted to knit a pair or two of soakers for the wee one.

(for those of you who don't know: Soakers are for babies who wear cloth diapers. They are like woolen underpants that go over the cloth diaper to help hold it in place and to act as another layer of protection against leaks)

Pattern:

You will need: 1pair size 7 needles. 1 yarn needle. 2-3 ounces of wool yarn (Worsted weight or about .5 cm in diameter)

Size: Infant to 6mos. (7mos. to Toddler)

Cast on 30 (40) stitches. Work in K1P1 (knit one purl one) ribbing for three rows.

Fourth row: *K1P1 YO (yarn over: pass yarn over needle one time, forming another stitch). p2 tog (purl two stitches together), repeat from * to end of row. Work in K1P1 ribbing for three more rows. This makes a row of holes for the drawstring.

For the next 3 (4.5) inches work in stockinette stitch (knit one row, purl one row.)

Leg openings and crotch: *K1 slip next stitch with yarn in front. Repeat from * to end of row. Rpeat this row for next 4.5 (5.5) inches. This forms a double panel of fabric that is somewhat narrower than the rest of the garment.

Work in stockinette stitch for antoher 3 (4.5) inches. Work in K1P1 ribbing for three rows. Next row *K1P1 YO P2 tog. Repeat from # to end of row. Work in K1P1 ribbing for three more rows. Bind off in K1P1 ribbing.


Thread a yarn needle with a length of yarn. Sew up sides form top of ribbing to beginning of crotch panel. Weave ends in and clip off excess. Thread drawstring through the holes in the ribbing. (You can make a drawstring from braided or twisted yarn).

Tada!! You have Soakers!

horrible photos

This is my incredibly handsome Husband looking like someone just dragged his fuzzy ass out of the woods and slapped some amish guys clothes on him. Nonetheless he's a cutie and a half ... Don't be fooled by that psycho-stare he's got going on.







These are the horrible photos (mostly cause i'm making awful faces) of me and my cousin Sarah. She is 28 weeks and I am 19 weeks. Notice how determined I am to avoid maternity clothes for as long as possible.

Shout out to my Homies

I realize my postings have been sort of lame as well as farther and father between. What can I say? I've been feeling antisocial, fat, pregnant, slightly gassy, and homesick for all my homies back in the town of P (not to be confused with pee)

The weekend was good. Nice long one for once I almost felt recharged and ready for the week... almost... I could have used one more day.

Friday night i babysat for some children of a friend of the family's. Way back when I used to babysit for her oldest who was about 6 months at the time. Now he's eleven and bigger than I am on all accounts. He has two younger siblings both of whom are adorable and fun as can be. Jac, the middle of the three taught me a card game called 31 it's kind of a cross between 21 black jack and rummy.

Saturday Ben and I slept in and rolled around admiring each other until the rumblings and cravings of the Belly forced us both out of bed. We snacked and then made our way down to Owings Mills with the intention of getting our oh so late emissions testing done for the car. When we got there they were closed though, due to the holiday weekend... ugh, how frustrating. So we headed over to Hampden to have breakfast with my beautiful cousin Jes, her husband Ian, and Jes's little brother Rico.
After breakfast the boys headed off to make dry ice bombs while the Jes and I (being the responsible wives that we are went to run errands).
After all that fun Ben and I went home and my cousin (from my dad's side this time), Juli came to visit. She lives in Germany with her boyfriend but was in town to study and take her GREs and we had dinner to celebrate her fantastic score.
For dinner we had fresh caught fish from the resevoir that Ben and I caught earlier in the week and kept in the freezer, baked sweet potatoes, green beans and a big ol' salad full of roasted nuts and feta. For desert i made the best cake ever that was soooo oooey goooey chocolatey we may as well have been eating a giant half melted bar of Ghiridelhi (sp?). I decorated it with strawberries, blueberries and mango slices. Man was it ever good. I'm drooling just thinking about it now.
Juli also brought us the entire 5th season of "Six Feet Under." (we're obsessed). THANK YOU JULI!!!

Sunday felt incredibly short. We woke up late, pittered around. Waited for a phone call from a friend telling us if she was coming fishing or not. She didn't end up coming after all. And eventually Ben and I hopped in the car and drove to Keedysville, MD to my uncle's house for a party celebrating all the graduates of the year. I got to see my cousin who is 7 months pregnant and a year younger than I. Everyone took pictures of us belly to belly... next to her I just look like a fat girl after thanksgiving dinner. Then we drove home and snuggled up in front of more episodes of "Six Feet Under."

Monday was good. I woke up totally elated that I didn't have to go to work. Mom and I went for a long walk in the woods and then Mom, Dad, Ben and I all went and saw "The Davinci Code." It was alright... just like the book, predictable and anti-climactic. However, it had Audrey TouTou in it whom i love. Then we went home and took a nap in the swealtering heat/humidity (i can't take this humidity). When I awoke I was incredibly grumpy and Ben forced me to take a cold bath to cool down and re-collect myself. Then we met Mom and Dad at the Trap range for a Memorial Day picnic and some trigger pulling. I didn't do too well but nothing to be ashamed of either (18/25). Mostly it was just nice to pull the trigger and smell the gun powder. I do worry about making my fetus deaf though... Rowen, any advice?

Today i'm feeling oh-so-grumpy. I'm fighting with the people we were supposed to rent that house from, trying to get our deposit back. Mostly the woman is being a bitch. She keeps saying she's sending it but it has yet to get here and continues to tell me that we aren't even entitled to getting our money back... I'm tired of fighting with people. I'm tired of the threat of involving lawyers and what not. Between that accident on New Year's and these Rental People I'm surprised I haven't resorted to fire bombing...

It's nice that May is over. It did go pretty quick though.
Now if only June will prove to be just as mellow and quick I will be a happy dear.

As far as Pregnancy news goes, there is none. The baby and I are doing fine. The baby squirms a lot and Ben can feel it too which is nice. We like to lay in bed communing with our little dancing baby. At the last visit i had gained 9lbs, I'm guessing I may be up to 12 now. My belly is changing shape slowly, though it doesn't necessarily feel like it's growing, though I'm sure it is. No major symptoms... I get tired faster but not like the first trimester, and I have a short fuse, but I had a short fuse to begin with.

I did find the cable to my camera so if i can remember to bring it to work I'll post pictures of the little house and my belly soon.

Installment 2 of "Hormones or My Imagination"

About three weeks ago i was in the kitchen cooking and whatnot when the drain board had a slight avalanche and the large glass mixing bowl on the end fell. I was facing the opposite direction and only heard the clatter as the avalanche began. I spun around, reached out, and ended up catching the glass bowl by it's rim on three finger tips...

I put the bowl on the counter and stood there stunned wondering why I was able to do that when four months ago that bowl would have plummetted to it's messy suicide without my even being able to turn around in time to see it hit the floor and smash into a billion pieces.

Over the last few weeks I've been noticing this reflex thing more and more. Mostly it's when things are dropping to the floor. Just now i caught a binder that was falling off my desk, last week a caught a piece of honey-toast with my belly... (okay that was more an effect of the growing belly than reflex but...)

My point being: Is this some sort of effect of pregnancy hormones? Is this nature's way of minimizing the liklihood that I will drop little Bucksnort? Hrmmmm.

Fetal Update

Things My Baby Can Do:
-The arms and legs begin to punch and kick.
-The fingernails are well formed.
-The unborn child can suck its thumb.
-Taste buds are present.
-Male or female gender is evident.
-A protective waxy coating is present on the skin.
-The length is about 5 to 6 inches

Updates and Random bits

1. Apparently Psycho-preggy-lady is a common alter ego that rears her short-tempered head around the 17 week mark. So my homicidal fantasies regarding a certain anonymous co-worker are perfectly normal. Oh and Rowen, I agree about the dangers of directing my alter-ego's incredible super-villian powers at Ben. But thankfully the anonymous co-worker works as an outlet for me to blame things on. So that way Psycho-preggy-lady is all tuckered out by the end of the day and my darling, sweetheart of a husband gets the better bits of his tired and oh-so-silly wife.

2. Steve and Sarah (and their little boys) from Prescott are coming to visit in the fall (around the baby's due date). Steve has a commission for a pool table in Lexington, MA and will be going up there (probably with Ben) to install it. Steve makes incredible furniture and Ben used to work with him occasionally in Az.

3. The bump is growing and i still have as of yet to buy preggy clothes (especially pants). Currently I cannot button ANY of my pants and simply go around with them undone, wearing long shirts so no one can tell.

4. My parents refuse to stop calling the baby "Bucksnort." I asked if it's a girl will they call it "Doesnort." Mom says no but maybe "Squash Blossom." Poor baby.

5. My First Mothers' Day:
After a wonderful morning of sleeping in and snuggling Ben surprised me with roses, a pint of strawberries and a mango. We had a big breakfast with Mom and Dad before they went off to the trap range. I threw on my mud overalls (the ones i wear to play in the mud) and weeded the vegetable garden.
Then Ben and I went fishing and caught four beautiful fish for lunch. We caught more than that but a bunch of them were teeny blue gills and we let them go. We went home and cleaned the fish putting them in the icebox (we don't have a refridgerator) so we could run errands. We went to the movie store and rented a few movies including Alice's Restaurant (Arlo Guthrie) which Ben hasn't seen and I haven't seen since I was in high school. And we stopped by the Goodwill to hunt for t-shirts for Ben and clothes that would fit his ever-growing wife.
We went home and fried up the fish and steamed our fresh asparagus and ate lunch. Then I took a nap and did some laundry then we snuggled in and watched movies until we fell asleep.

Maybe it's a symptom of pregnancy

I have a barely controlable urge to beat the shit out of a co-worker of mine. I want to reach out and grab her by the hair on the back of her head and smash her face into the desk repeatedly. I want to strangle her and watch her big dopey eyes go dead in her bloodied bashed-in face.

How is it possible to hate someone this much? I don't even really know her. She hasn't really done anything to me. But every time i hear her voice or her stupid laugh my blood boils...

I'm wondering if i shouldn't leave work early today to keep from doing something I'll regret.

I just wrote the following e-mail to my cousin and bestest friend telling her how our appointment lastnight went. So I thought I'd copy it here for the benefit of all to read:


Dear Jes,

Hi, hi. Sorry, I was gunna e-mail you as soon as i got in but my internet went down for some reason.

Everything is good. We got to listen to the heart beat which was super strong and loud, it was really wild. Mom and Dad came and got to hear the heart beat too.

Did I tell you that the birth center caters to all the amish families in that area? yep, amish, amish everywhere.

All my bloodwork came back good and strong. My iron levels are very high which is excellent, must be all that kukicha and cooking in cast iron skillets...

One minor thing: i do not have a definite imunity to the german measles so I've been instructed to avoid people with spotty deseases. But the midwife also said it's no big deal and that I probably am immune but that modern science can't be sure.

I've gained a whopping 9lbs! It sounds a bit high to me but the midwife said that it's great. We went over my 3 day food log that I was assigned to do and she kept exclaiming how well we eat. She said to just make sure I'm keeping it down to about one glass of juice a day and avoid the high fructose corn syrup things, which i normally do anyhow.

My Leukocyte levels are slightly high but I don't know what that means and she said it's nothing. But i'm gunna look it up today anyhow.

As she was setting up the doppler to listen to the heartbeat she felt my uterus and said, "Wow, the top of your Uterus is right about at your bellybutton." Earlier she said it should be a bout two finger widths below my belly button. I'm wondering if this baby is going to be big.

She said that my stomach muscles are very strong and because of that i haven't quite "popped out" yet. In around 3 weeks my uterus should come out more and allow more room for the baby so it's not all squished in there kicking at my pubic bone.

She also confirmed that I have been feeling the baby move and that even though it's not terribly common for first time mothers to feel the baby move at 14 weeks, it's not indicative of anything either and that I'm lucky and it's a good thing.

The lady that did our exam last time was not one of the midwives, she was the gyn/fertility expert and an RN. The lady we had this time was one of the midwives (of which there are two). She was super great. She's real soft and very funny, great sense of humor. She teased Ben and was very direct and open without being condescending. She was so cute. I told her about the yeast infections and she said, "I know it sounds weird but yogurt sex is an old midwives trick. It works really well and it can be a lot of fun, just make sure you use the plain kind." She kind of blushed when she said all this but was really cute about it.

So from now on we will have one or the other of the midwives to do our exams so we will get to know them both very well and who ever is on call when we go into labor we will have had plenty of contact with.

Dad absolutely LOVED the place, he loved that they catered to the amish population and all the way home was talking about buying bucksnort a little straw hat and suspenders.

Also the birthing center has just moved to their new location. The first time we went it was funny cause basically they were in a trailer in the middle of a corn field. But their new location is really nice, brand spankin' new and huge with a lot of windows. They have two birthing rooms both with their own jaccuzzi/hot tub, big beds, and a very homey feel. They have a kitchen/living room for the family to wait in with a vcr/dvd player and toys. They also have a big lending library of good birthing books they reccommend to their clients.

I love that place. I feel like i couldn't have picked a better place to have Bucksnort (which is what Mom and Dad have named their first grandchild). Everytime i leave there I'm so happy and excited to give birth. I feel like embracing the whole world. Nothing like feeling like you're in competent and loving hands for something that could be potentially scary and traumatizing.

At dinner Mom and Dad regaled us with stories of having Miah at GBMC and how awful everyone was to them and how they should have had us at the birthing center (which has been open since 1978), but how they didn't know about it and thank God for the internet...

Dad was on cloud 9 all night after our visit. He kept saying, "I'm so happy for you guys! I almost want to have another baby myself."

Oh, and the front desk lady (who i think is part amish???) always has her little baby with her, actually he's not so little he's maybe 8 months. Anyhow, mom walked right in and grabbed him from the desk lady and was instantly in love. Dad was crawling around on the floor with him and even Ben held his arms out to the wee one and wanted to play with him. Ben needs more baby time. I'm thinking of taking him down to Mary's to play with Tieggy, you should see his eyes light up when he holds a baby.

Did I tell you that the other night when we were babysitting for Brooke's boys that I couldn't get Grifffin to go down but Ben could?? I could get Griffin to fall asleep in my arms but I couldn't lay him in the crib without him waking up and freaking out. After I tried a couple times and got really frustrated I handed the sleeping kid off to Ben who had him in his crib and snoring away in no time. It was incredible. What a man, my man.

Anyhow, the visit was great and if you ever want to come with me sometime to meet everyone and watch and learn how to get there (since you'll be at the birth) just let me know! I'd love to have you along.

My next visit is set for June 13th. And sometime next month or the month after we will schedule our ultra sound (no, we're not finding out if it's a boy or a girl) i'm just excited to see our little Bucksnort.

love you!
-L

Baby Check-up this Evening

BEST WEBSITE EVER

This is the greatest thing ever. You should all register now!!

https://www.donotcall.gov/default.aspx

What a Rotten Morning!

I wake up 1/2 hr late and run around like a mad woman and then can't find my wallet which I finally find in my car anyway.

Traffic absolutely sucks and I end up at work late

I get to work and there are a whole slew of post-it notes from stupid Copier salesmen who want to sell us a new copier.

The giant rubber ball i use for an office chair has a hole in it cause I ran over a staple and now i don't know if it's patchable. It's pretty new too... And now I have to sit in a chair all day.

Dear Gerbil Baby Growing in my Belly,

You put the "us" back in Uterus.

Love,
Your Mama

PS: Can you start craving things like raisins instead of icecream please?

The Fatty Blues

If someone says to you:
By having sex there is a good chance you will end up having to spend the better part of a year

-gaining loads of weight
-being REALLY gassy
-eating everything you come in contact with
-crying at the drop of a hat
-Laughing hysterically at inappropriate movies
-either completely uninterested in sex, or overly interested in sex
-swollen feet, ankles and sinuses
-avoiding alcohol, smokey rooms, loud music, and anything that requires you to stay up late
(which just happens to be where all your friends are)
-having to pass up your favorite foods
-getting stretch marks
-getting vericose veins
-worrying that you'll never be sexy again
-getting nose bleeds
-interminable headaches (for which you shouldn't take pain killers)
-shortness of breath
-aching back, neck, and every other part of your body
-long sleepless nights
-general discomfort
-being woozy
-being mean
-being either way hotter or way colder than everyone else in the room
-not fitting between the driver seat and the steering wheel of your car
-looking like a hippo
-having strangers touch you
-getting unwanted advice from complete morons and strangers and strange morons
-and worrying that you're doing it all wrong

Then all that will end with an episode of more pain than you could possibly ever imagine. You will be ripped in half starting with your vagina just to allow this little tyrant out into the world and then for the next six months you're going to have cracked, chapped, sore nipples and feel like a dairy cow and at any given point in the day be covered in shit, piss, sour milk, vomit, or otherwise... and then you will spend the rest of your life scared shitless for this little being...

Do you think it'd make a difference? You're right...probably not...

Ivillage Idiots

According to my "Pregnancy Calendar" on Ivillage.com my baby is the size of a gerbil.

WHY WOULD THEY COMPARE MY BABY TO A GERBIL?????!!!!!!!!

Tids and Bits

-As Jen reminded me it was Administrative Professionals Day or what was previously known as Secretarys' Day. Did you hug your secretary or personal assistant yesterday? You'd better do it now (make sure they aren't armed first). My boss, after i reminded her, bought be a gift certificate to target.

-Unique-Stephen (complete stranger) brought this to my attention which is absolutely marvelous and darned funny. Thank you US, and who are you and how did you find me?

-If anyone is interested this is where we're going to be having the baby. I know, I know having the being born in Pennsylvania does hinder the kid's coolness and good dental hygiene future, but at least I don't have to be afraid that they will cut off the kid's foreskin without my permission. Our next check-up is May 9th, I'll let you know if anything interesting happens.

-For all those of you who read this who may have to make the trek to come to our Wedding reception/ Baby shower/ Housewarming/ Welcome Home/ Stuff yourself stupid and give us a hug-shindig-- the plan is to go for late August to accomodate (see how much i love you) those who aren't able to make it in early and mid August (perhaps the 26th,27th)

-For all those of you who i have not formally invited or mentioned this to, consider yourselves all formally invited and informed. I will keep you posted.

-The Fairie Festival at Spoutwood Farms in Glenrock, PA is May 6&7 for those of you who would like to come and visit me, or hide behind the nearest tree and point and laugh.

-Our newest baby name choice for a boy is Aiden, any comments?

Hello Gas, Goodbye Savings

So I leave for work this morning, get to the gas station where it's a whopping $3.09/gallon and I think to myself oh, well the other day it was $3.01 at the gas station near work, I'll just go there. I get to the gas station by work and it's at $3.11. Meanwhile i'm on empty in my inherited stupid green sedan. I decide to bite the bullet and pay for at least some gas so I can at least get home and I realize I don't have my wallet.

(don't worry i'm not stranded, i borrowed some $ from a co-worker who i'll pay back tomorrow)

However, this little saga got me to thinking: How did gas prices go up 10 cents in less than two days. So i looked it up.

Turns out for the last three days the price of crude has reached increasing record highs and they predict it'll go up to $80 per barrel before the end of June!! (It's currently at $72, i think)

Also: Bush has halted the environmental law that was passed forcing gas refineries to mix gasoline with ethanol to reduce air and water pollution to try and reduce gas prices.

Also: The average retail price of gasoline nationwide is $2.80 a gallon, though stations are charging more than $3 a gallon in many parts of the country.

Excerpt from MSNBC article:

The biggest factor underpinning higher gasoline prices is the roughly 38 percent rise in crude oil costs over the past year. On an inflation-adjusted basis, oil prices would have to rise above $90 to exceed the all-time highs set a quarter century ago when supplies became tight in the aftermath of a revolution in Iran and a war between Iraq and Iran.
Analysts said the market psychology would likely remain bullish until there is either a significant dropoff in demand or resolution to a variety of geopolitical uncertainties, particularly the West’s nuclear dispute with Iran and output disruptions in Nigeria.
“The worries of Iran won’t go away any time soon, and in that sort of environment very few people are willing to be short on oil,” said Tobin Gorey, a commodities analyst with the Commonwealth Bank of Australia in Sydney.

Read more here

Knocked up update

14 weeks and 4 days knocked up.

Feeling good for the most part. The last two weeks I've felt like i'm getting bigger everyday, except no one but me can tell. I weighed myself at my grandmother's house (we don't have a scale) and I've gained 4.5 lbs so far.

I've had to borrow pants because my own are very tight these days. I did end up buying a few maternity things we'll see how far they get me.

This inbetween stage is the hardest I think. Feeling fat but not looking pregnant quite yet (at least not to strangers) and anticipating the rest of the pregnancy. I feel like it must get more fun somewhere along the way.

Shopaphobia

So it seems i have a severe fear of shopping. The only kind of shopping I actually enjoy is food shopping. Dont get me wrong. I am indeed in love with shoes and there's something about new clothes (new or new to me) that makes me excited to actually put on clothes in the morning, however, for the most part it is hell trying to get myself to go into a store.

Luckily enough (actually that's debatable since it makes it so easy) for me and those like me INTERNET SHOPPING exists.

So for the last couple of weeks, as i find my pants becoming tighter and tighter, I've been internet window shopping for maternity clothes. Unfortunately, I recently bought myself some new clothes for my office job (seeing as how all my college clothes were holey, dirty, stained, smudgy, a little too small, and weird). So, now comes the dilema (I also bought myself a giant rubber ball earlier this week to sit on at work) do I spend even MORE money on clothes (clothes that I will only end up wearing for the next few months) or do I stick it out for as long as i can and hope that my local Good Will has a few passable shirts?

(Basically i'm pleading for someone to help me justify a $73.00 purchase of a bella band, a long sleeve shirt, a polo shirt, a cute fancy shirt, and a bra which if it still fits when my milk comes in can be used as a nursing bra. I'm hoping the Bella Band will help me stay in my regular pants at least a couple more months)

My Belly and Boobs are Growing out of my clothes Wishlish

Not necessarily in order of appearance:

1. The Bella Band - for those of us who are too small for maternity clothes but too big for our own pants, and too cheap to go out and buy bigger pants.
2. Various t-shirts from American Apparel that seem as though they would work well for this inbetween phase and later for nursing etc.
3. a not so ugly hippo-suit. (I'm anticipating going to the ocean as much as possible this summer. I hear it's good for the baby, okay not true, but being in landlocked Arizona has made me ocean sick and after Sunday's brief romp on the sand I realized what i had been missing all these years)

Diary of a Pod

14 weeks. Feeling fat.

Post-Graduate Wasteland

If you go HERE you can see my hot and incredibly cool friends whom i don't deserve living it up.

I miss them.

I miss them so much i'm going to crawl under my desk and weep until lunch time at which point i will eat a burrito.

You think one New Castle would hurt the little one? just kidding.

Happy Easter Everyone

Things that Have Happened recently

1) My truck is up for sale (without the cap) on old York Rd in front of a friend's house.
2) i'm driving Ben's brother's stupid green dodge sedan that he sold to us for $100.00 when he left for the army a week and a half ago. I hate it.
3) We have cleaned out, and de-sided the Little House. It looks almost as bad as it ever will and we continue to find problems that will make this project that much more difficult and continue to be depressed about it while trying to make some leeway.
4) I am definitely getting fatter. I've officially gained 2.5 lbs and i'm all soft and doughy around the middle.
5) I contributed quite a bit to the RFP (request for funding proposal, ie: grant) that the company i work for has to do every eight years to get funding from the county to continue their noble work. And to say the least i'm damn glad it's over. We had three weeks to write a three inch proposal. :P
6) The weather is finally warming up more consistently, however, it's still fickle as all hell and was incredibly rainy and cold on saturday.
7) I am officially 12 weeks pregnant. Come this weekend it'll be goodbye first trimester!


That's about all i can come up with. Sorry it's not very witty or exciting. I'm feeling neither of those things right now mostly humdrum and a little anxious about the Little House... and antsy about living with my folks, most of the time it's pretty good, lately i've been feeling claustrophobic when it comes to the cabin and my folks... Maybe the time is coming to move to the Tee Pee...

Quick Update

I'm in the middle of writing a grant for work so I probably won't get a chance to actually update until tuesday or there abouts.

Church Mice

I found this article while in the process of checking my e-mail. This is very interesting.

All those who think that many Americans have a spending addiction raise your hand.

In anticipation of Ben, myself, and Lou all living off one meager income for 5+ years this article hits home. Now granted, I would sooner hurl myself into a pit of wrything crawly things than purchase pants for $117.00, however, what is it that i deem as a "necessity" that really isn't.

Honestly, how much can we do without? Will I die without q-tips? If Ben is forced to start buying Folgers instead of Avalon Organic will he eventually get used to it or will he hate me for not working every morning he pulls down that blue tin of sandy granules that turn his hot water slightly yellowish-brown?

Also to add my Idealism to the heap of random thoughts for the day:
Wouldn't it be nice if policy makers didn't HAVE to be the ones ensuring that our decisions as consumers were always environmentally, financially responsible purchases. Is it the government's job to save us from ourselves?

Despite the fact that i'm super excited about the Federal Government putting new gas mileage regulations on new cars, should they really have that power?? and if they do who's to say they can't keep us from choosing to have abortions, etc?

I realize those two things are very unrelated, but I guess i'm picking at that age old scab: If the government's job is to protect us, how far does it go? Should they be allowed to protect us from ourselves? Who are they to say what we need protecting from?

I really just don't know...

Heart of My Heart

So we went to Birth Care Midwife Center lastnight... oh it was awesome. It's a trailer in Pennsylvania... okay that's not quite true. And they're moving in the next month to a new location which is supposedly bigger AND they have birthing pools. But right now it looks like a trailer on a farm. But they are super awesome people. We got to hear the babys heart beat!!!

Here let me reenact the scene for you:

Jill the RN: now don't be dissapointed if we don't hear the heart beat, you're only 11 weeks along and it wouldn't be surprising if we didn't. okay?
Libby: Okay... But we're gunna try right.
Jill: Right
(Ben is sitting at the end of the table watching her squirt blue jelly on my tummy and feel around for the baby)

She takes the little sensor thinger and as soon as it touches my belly we hear *choo choo choo choo choo choo choo*

Jill: that's it that's the baby. Wow, that's a first. Usually we don't hear it right away. That is a good strong heart beat. Uh-oh, he's swimmin' away.
(we all hold our breath while she moves the sensor thing around a bit looking for the heart beat)

*choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo* and in the background * wooooooosh..................... woooooooooooosh..........* (that's my heart beat) it sounds like a little tiny train driving along the beach (my heart beat being the ocean and the baby being the little train).

well i'm crying by this point or leaking at the eyes at least. And Ben is squeezing my hand...and there it is our little baby with it's super strong heart beat....



So on the ride home (it's an hour and a half from mom and dads) we drive right into an amazing thunderstorm and we're watching the big fat rain drops splatter everywhere and dodging the frogs in the road... and every couple of minutes one of us turns to the other and says "choo choo choo choo choo"

And we decide to start calling the baby Lou so as to not genderize it yet cause we inadvertantly keep saying "he"

Monday-ne!

I'm being really horrible and drinking hot chocolate, but i blame it on daylight savings.
I agree with Jen, Daylight savings sucks. I had to pinch myself to stay awake on the beltway this morning.

We started on the little house this weekend. I took a few pictures that i promise to post when i get my act together and get over to my Fatherinlaws in order to get the camera cable. It was quite a lot of work, and let me tell you I am a lucky, lucky girl to have Ben-The-Machine for a husband... well when it comes to hard labor that is... the boy is unreal!

So saturday and sunday found us covered in fiberglass insulation grossness and squirrel crap. I had to call it quits around 3pm both days because i couldn't stay awake any longer.

Today at 7 is our first baby check up with the ladies at Birth Care in Quarryville. I'll let you know how it goes, i'm hoping we'll get to hear the baby's heart beat.

Something Smells Good

The office is being permeated by someone's mocha coffee drink and it smells so good i could sniff it out and drink it for them.

List of Things I can't have:
Coffee and Caffinated things
Alcohol (even though my father-in-law swears up and down that a little wine is good for the blood and that gweneth paltrow or some tall blonde actor lady drank stout while she was pregnant because it's a good source of iron)
Cigarettes
Meat (mostly just cause it makes me nauseas, this kid might be a vegetarian)
too much sugar (according to "what to expect when you're expecting")
dairy (cause alergy season is coming up and it makes me super snotty, not cause the baby)

List of Things I can't do:
Wrestle
drive crazy
stay up past 9pm (mostly cause i'm incapable of it, this kid might also be a narcoleptic)
go running (cause when you get knocked up your boobs grow and grow and grow and hurt and hurt and hurt)
Be in situations that require me to have a whole lot of patience (maybe it's just an excuse, but since i found out i'm pregnant my fuse has been shortened to microscopic proportions and everyone has suddenly become an idiot--- sorry if i've lost my temper with anyone lately (poor Ben especially), i don't mean it at all, i'm just a nut job)
Watch/listen/talk about anyone killing or hurting babies (any kind of babies, if i see someone eating veal i'll probably start crying)
Go 20minutes without having to pee.

*Not one of you that reads this is pregnant, and i'm sure i'm boring the pants off of most of you. And... I am completely aware that since this whole thing started I haven't seemed to be able to talk about much more than the weird gross things that are happening to my body, how much i have to pee and babies. I would like to apologize to all of you. I'd also like to say, this isn't likely to stop any time soon.

Daylight Schmaylight

Guess what this weekend is, sunday to be exact... that's right Daylight savings time.

You know, in Arizona they don't believe in Daylight savings time... If i didn't know better i'd say Arizona really had their shit together... but in the end it's just the Daylight savings time thing they're right about.

So my fellow rest of the US excluding Arizona (which, ironically, is where most of my readers are) don't forget to set your clock forward saturday night before going to bed.

Is today Monday?

Today feels longer than the rest of the week put together.

Watching the News

I was watching the news this morning while eating my breakfast of brown rice, two fried eggs and fried plantains and as it would have it they did a piece on the new rage in births.

It seems that 10% of C-sections these days are for convenience NOT due to medical necesity. America has the highest rate of C-section births in the world.

They interviewed a woman who had all her children via C-section because she did not want to have trouble peeing after a vaginal birth!!!! She'd much rather have major abdominal surgery!!!! The really messed up thing is, SHE'S AN OB!!!!!!!!

I would just like to say: WHAT IN HOLY HELL IS THIS WORLD COMING TO????!!!!!!!!!

Women who stop their menstral cycle because it's an inconvenience. Women who SCHEDULE when their baby is born so that they don't have to deal with the inconvenience of labor and recovery.

THIS IS WHAT OUR BODIES WERE DESIGNED TO DO!!!!

oh... and just for the record there have been some (though not extensive) studies about children who were C-sections and children who were vaginal and how their birth effected them. They're may be a coorelation between C-sections and certain mental disabilities.... (again i don't know how reliable this is so don't quote me on it).

Perhaps i'm just so worked up about this because there's a little human inside me that will have to come out some day and I fully intend on doing it the best most natural way possible. As a mother nothing is convenient or about what's best or easiest for you, it's about that little person you hope beyond all hope will out live you.

Rowen,
I too am outraged, appalled, enraged, etc over this. Such utter crap! I am fucking proud and empowered to be female, to bleed, to be a woman, to be able to give life.

Our disconnection from ourselves is disgusting! I refuse to have any part of it!

i've been tagged, actually i was tagged like two weeks ago and haven't gotten around to it until now.

3 things you wish for (just for you)
~ that the little house will be done before October
~ that spring will hurry up and get here already
~ that everything will go smoothly with the pregnancy, birth and every after

3 things you would do to/for yourself if there was no one to judge you (or if you had the guts to do it!)
~ cover my whole body in tattoos (but i'd probably get bored with it too quickly)
~ I can't think of anything else
~

3 bad habits you have
~ I smoked until i found out i was pregnant. I don't know if this is the end for good or not but i think about cigarettes sometimes still.
~ I crave/love with all my heart cheese despite my allergies and snottiness
~ I tend to get really mad at other drivers and can't seem to let it go until i get to where i'm going.


3 talents/skills you wish you had
~ supreme flexibility (Contortionist style), no real reason for this but i always thought it was cool.
~ being able to grow large amazing fruits and vegetables seemingly without effort.
~ excellent sight and hearing. I always wanted to be like one of the old tracker guides in old movies about Danny Boon or someone.


3 things that you would do if you had more time
~ clean out the back of my truck
~ turn over the garden
~ go to the library

3 things that bring you peace/relaxation
~ good food
~ camping/backpacking/climbing/kayaking/etc
~ reading/writing

3 things that spark your creativity
~ reading/writing
~ listening to Ben play/sing
~ hot baths

HOLY CRAP!

I just received word that I've won first place in Alligator Juniper's Literary Journal Creative Nonfiction contest.

I get $125.00

and

I am going to be PUBLISHED!!!

For those of you who have a copy of my book it's for Belle of the Ball. For those of you who don't, I'm really sorry i promise to get you a copy soon, it costs a lot to make copies and I haven't gotten around to doing them yet. I do promise to get you one though, just keep bugging me.

Kirstin -- Congrats on getting your photo published too!!!!!!!!

Fatty Fatkins

i just went a little hog wild internet shopping.

Being forced to live out of a small duffle bag of clothes for 4 months, you would think one would want to get RID of things, however, not the case.

I am slowly coming to the conculsion that my work clothes aren't quite worky enough... most everything i own has holes, paint, food stains, or all three. As much as i don't really want to admit it, my grungy days are being put on temporary hold or at least restrained to cell phone hours (evenings and weekends).

Also, as i was making these purchases, i decided to buy a pair of jeans one size too big to accomodate my growing-ness. Despite all my feeling fat and the slow tightening of the waists of my pants, i still only weigh 98lbs. It'll be interesting to see how long that lasts, i give it a week.

Jes, can i borrow those give-away jeans for a bit? i'll give them back in a year or so.

I think this weekend, since it'll most likely be raining, will find me going through the various boxes and bags of clothing in reserve and hauling them off to goodwill. Anyone want give-aways?

Tonight is guy night which means, yes, you guessed it: Ben, Dad, Rex (ben's dad) and Casey (ben's brother) are all headed to the Eklo Inn (scarey red-neck bar) for a night of bad beer and schmoozing. And I, the prego-wife-o will be all alone in the big house we're house-sitting in with the gi-normous bathtub and the book I am desperate to finish. Poor me.

I wouldn't mind if i woke up tomorrow and it was April. March is such a silly month, it's like Tuesday (not as bad as monday but still the beginning of the week).

Come-ON spring! I double-dog-dare you to show your face and make it all warm, green, and growing.

FIRSTLY AND IN OTHER BABY NEWS:

Thanks for voting everyone. You had me a little worried there when i didn't get any response for a bit. Turns out i didn't realize it was spring break in so many places.

It looks like our winners are:
Calder Lee
Ada Rae

We have set up our first appointment with the birthcenter in Quarryville for April 4th. Rowen, is it common for midwives to not see clients until their 12th week?

Everything is moving along smoothly. I'm still tired but haven't felt the least bit queasy in a long while. My belly is starting to change, although not quite show. I have a little pooch that is rock hard and i can't suck in.

WEEKEND UPDATE:

So this past weekend was jam-packed full of stuff. All fun stuff, but for some reason when all you want to do is sleep everything feels like an obligation when you're preparing for it.

Saturday morning Mom, Dad, Ben and I went to the bagel shop to alleviate my week-long bagel craving and then we went to the hardware store for the oh-so-necessary power tools. Mom got her first circular saw and a work bench which she promptly set up in her studio. Ben and I got a wire brush head and enamel for the Isuzu where the Baltimore County School Bus kissed us. We also got sandpaper for the desk i'm refinishing.

Then it was to home with Mom and I while Ben and Dad went to work and the tax guy's place. Mom and I made food (Chilaquillas) to take to Oa's (my grandmother's) house that night for the March Birthday party extravaganza. Ben and Dad came home and Ben and I napped for a bit and then i woke up whining about how sick of cold i am. Then I got up and Mom and I packed up the food and we drove down to silver spring to her mom's to visit with her family.

My cousin Rachel's (who is briefly back in the States after a year in Africa) boyfriend (who she met while she was over there and is an austrailian, ex-military, civilian de-miner in Sudan) is in town and was introduced to the family during our little march circus. It was an evening full of wrestling, gorging ourselves, and dirty joke telling about nuns. Poor Richard.

Sunday Richard and Rachel came over for brunch/lunch. We had bagels, fruit, chocolate, almonds, and tea. We chatted about everywhere they had traveled, about how they met (at a UN meeting). We goofed off and sat in the sun. Jes and Ian came and hung out as well.

Ian, Ben, Richard and Rachel decided to take a walk in the woods and didn't invite Jes and I so Jes and I dressed up in camo, filled our pockets with walnuts and stalked them. We ambushed them on the old fire road by the dog graves and i accidentally hit Richard on the head with a walnut... oops! poor Richard.

Everyone left around 4ish and then Mom, Dad, Ben and I went over to Nina and Spiders (my sort of serogate grandparents on my father's side). When we arrived there were 17 deer in their backyard which you could see from the picture window in their living room. It looked like they were raising them. We ate chinese food and bitched about the state of the country and the idiots who run it. It was lovely.

Then it was home to sleep and wonder where the time had gone.

Anyone have an extra 6K or a used one of these?

Interesting

So it looks like no one really cares what we name the baby... that's cool. Don't read my blog... i don't care...

Harumph.

Taking a Poll

Here is a list of names we are considering for the kid.

Girls:
Ada Rae
(lots of different spellings on this one: Aida, Adah, Rae, Ray, Rey)
Hunter Leigh
Holiday (I haven't actually asked Ben about this one yet)
Adeline (instead of Ada)

Boys:
Jamsie Blue
Hunter Lee
Owen Lee
Calder Lee
Calder Owen

Please click the comment link below to put in your vote.

Hissy Fit.

After a lot of crying, screaming, kicking, walking in the woods, writing, talking, lying in bed and staring at the ceiling this weekend we've decided to not move into the little white house on york road.

On Friday the landlord lady called me and said it would be not one week but two more weeks until we could get in there. This is the 5th time they've changed our move in date. If they had meant what they said from the very beginning we would have moved into the first house over two months ago. SO, with all this in mind we decided that we didn't want to be their tennants.

Driving home from work on friday I began to worry about trying to find another place to live, how we were going to pay for it, how we were going to live the life we want to, etc, etc... and then it occurred to me that this baby will be arriving into this world in 7 months (give or take a week or two). That is not long. It also occurred to me that no way in a million years do i want to move into a house for 6 months and then move right back out.

So we've decided to stick it out at the cabin. We will continue to live with my folks as we fix up the little house. This will also allow us to save money so that we will not have to borrow money to fix it up. Also we can keep a garden in the hollow this summer as well. Once the weather gets warm we may move out to the Teepee, we'll see. In the mean time, wish us luck, patience, tolerance and good weather.

We start work on the Little House weekend after this coming. We will be:
-putting a new roof on
-putting in a floor
-puttin on new siding and insulating from the outside.
-redoing the loft
-straightening it out, there's a special term for this but i forget what it is, basically it's really crooked and we're making it straight.

Next spring we will add an addition to the back.
We are also hoping to get a couple nanny goats and a few hens next spring. And maybe next summer we'll have a HUGE party and redig the pond.

This is what the baby will look like next thursday, just before it's mom and dad finally (hopefully, maybe) will move into their new place. (Yes, the pushed the move-in date back yet ANOTHER week... i hope they get lice)
Today is officially the end of the first 7 weeks of my pregnancy. Whoo hoo... what a long way to go we have.

I miss Prescott.

A Call to All of my Knitter friends

I've decided to put a call out to my knitting friends. There are some things that would be awsome to have for the kid. I realize it's a bit premature (badum' bum' ching) but if you're anything like me you are a procrastinating knitter and it took you at least two years to finish that last scarf.

so here are some fun patterns if you feel like playing around with them. If you find something else feel free to do that. Or if you could care less, feel free to do that too.

Baby Booties

Bug Hat
Soakers

If you're feeling really adventurous:
Pants

Hoodie

Another Weekend Update

Friday night Ben and I went to pick up Ben's Dad, Rex and his Dad's girlfriend, Dolores from the airport on their way home from New Zealand. They have spent the last three and a half weeks in that glorious and sheep infested country. Am I ever jealous.

Since Ben and I drive little trucks with room enough for three if you squeeze and aren't shy, we decided to borrow Rex's 4-runner to pick them up in. Unfortunately for us Ben's little brother had borrowed the 4-runner and left it with out gas. He did however thoughtfully call us to say it didn't have gas in it and he was leaving us $6 on the kitchen counter for gas. $6.00, not a clue what that was supposed to cover really... Basically Ben's brother is careless and thoughtless and generally difficult to be around due to his neediness, and self-absorbtion.

Anyhow, we picked up Rex and Dolores and after getting lost in the airport (because we confused c4 with 4c in the parking area) we finally made our way back home. We told Rex that he's going to be a grandfather while walking through baggage claim where he promptly dropped his suitcase and hemmed and hawed a bit. He seemed happy enough, nervous though... On the ride home however, he did not understand why he couldn't smoke in the car. sigh. We got home at 2am. This is about 5hours past our usual bedtime. Yes, we are boring people that are usually in bed by 9pm and up by 6am. Needless to say we were pretty grumpy and it was late.

We slept in the next morning though and Jes came over and climbed in bed with us and ate grits and venison. Then Jes and I took a walk in the woods and chatted about the more annoying parts of our lives. The walk was nice and long though and the fresh air did us a world of good. Then we drove to Taneytown and dropped in to visit with her family. We wrestled with the boys, walked down the street to the coffee shop for lunch, watched them play Star Wars monopoly, and picked her mother's brain about her nine pregnancies. Her mom, my Aunt Nini also is an RN and delivers babies and has for years. I've decided to have her present at my birth. She's so awesome. She also gave me a really amazing book called "Spiritual Midwifery" which has the most amazing pictures.

I was home by 5:30, Jes went to her home and i made a quick meal of spaghetti and was tucked into bed and dozing by 8:30pm. An old friend called and invited me to a bon-fire and if i had though i would have made it there without falling asleep on the drive i'd have gone. I couldn't even rouse myself enough to close down the fire for the night and was diminished to begging my darling husband into doing it for me.

Sunday found us up early to pick up Ben's brother, head to the city to meet Ben's sister and then all four of us heading down to Fruitland (Salisbury area) to visit Ben's mom for the day. That was fun but again i found myself wanting to do nothing but sleep. I napped on the drive down. Once we got there I fell asleep on the sofa while watching season one of the Muppet Show. I love that show... so many memories. And then I woke up long enough to eat and get in the car and then i slept on the way home. You would think after a long day of sleeping wouldn't have been able to konk out the way i did when i got home. But 11:30 found my nestled into bed and sound asleep, most likely snoring.

So the tales of sleeping, eating and peeing continue, as that is what my life has been reduced to.

Hope you all had a glorious weekend too.

gads and gobs

Things are better, or looking up, or maybe i'm just too tired to freak out any further. It could also be that those happy hormones that they say pregnant women produce have started to flood my system. I suppose it doesn't really matter at this point...

Ben (my totally awsome favoritest person in the world) got to a tag and title place yesterday and was able to sort out (mostly) all of our truck stuff. We've been having some bad luck when it comes to cars recently. Both of them have been in minor accidents neither of which were our fault (and Ben was driving both times, it's a wonder he can get behind the wheel at all and not feel as though everyone's out to get him). My truck got a ticket a couple weeks ago for having expired tags... turns out that Ben when he renewed our registration on the Isuzu put the new sticker on the Toyota and now my truck looks like it isn't registered. Luckily i work with police officers and i had them run the tags and at least make sure the truck is actually registered, which it is. Anyhow, we've been having trouble getting them registered in MD, but i think we finally have it all sorted out. I can start driving my car to work again and we can begin thinking about how to get a car with a back seat. Anyone want to buy a little white pick-up?

Meanwhile there are gobs of people out there giving me the same damned speech about how I shouldn't worry, how everything's going to be fine, about how their parents didn't have any money, about how we're going to be awsome parents.... etc. etc. etc... and as much as I love all these people, i think i'm tired of it...

Why does everyone tell you to "stop freaking out"??? i mean freaking out is probably a good thing. I would rather get it all out in one fell swoop, worry my brains out, be totally convinced we're fucked, and then once it feels as though we haven't a snow-ball's-chance-in-a-woodstove i'll be too tired to carry it on much longer.

I'm good at freaking out, i'm good at worrying and panicking...

I really and truely appreciate everyone being supportive, loving, etc... but just like the whole "don't cry" thing... i'm gunna. I'm gunna and there's nothing you can do about it so sit with me while i freak out, and maybe tell me "you know you're completely right, you're 100% fucked, you may as well give up now."

PS: West! Welcome to the e-gads of people who have nothing better to do but spill their beans on the internet... Now we can blab all day to each other!

The Urinator

During the 15-16 hrs i was awake yesterday I peed over 20 times. I didn't realize that the human body was capable of such things.

In the mean time. I need help brainstorming how to take care of the kid that is currently only a bundle of cells latched onto the lining of my uterus once it's born into the world as a little humanoid critter, while still meeting my financial responsibilites of $400 a week (after taxes)...

Do i get a new job? Do i find out if i can bring the kid to work with me (that would only be until it started becoming more noisy and fidgety and needed to crawl around... then what?
Do i find people who need a nanny and watch other people's kids along with my own?
Do i find a really well paying part time job?
Do i find a daycare? (not my favorite choice).

Do we move back in with my parents so we can live off of Ben's income alone so i can stay home with the little person? (also not my favorite choice, living with them now is driving me up a wall).

and here i thought cloth diapers vs. plastic diapers was the biggest choice i'd have to make... (not really).

I have peed seven times in the last five hours.

Flaming Wreck

I am a flaming wreck. I am on some sort of emotional rollercoaster about this pregnancy. After leaving the grocery store with the positive results in a paper bag on my lap Jes and I drove around my work parkinglot while i cried.

I had forgotten that being pregnant could be a good thing. Then When I got home from work that night Ben had gotten all my favorite foods (eel sushi and cheese) and fake champagne and had decorated the living room. he even put a zero candle in the middle of the sushi. He's ecstatic and terribly cute.

Unfortunately... the practicality of it all is getting to me today. How are we going to pay for this baby? Will my health insurance from my new job (which doesn't kick in until april) cover the pregnancy? What are we going to do with the child after my maternity leave is up?

Hell, we don't even own a car with a backseat!

You know the "Everything happens for a reason" concept that people use for faith? I was trying to think of a reason we would get knocked up now... the only thing i can come up with is a forced way for me to learn how to RELAX.

So I've been holding my breath for various reasons since last august. I guess if i don't exhale now and stop waiting for shit in order to be happy or relaxed, i'll end up suffocating myself.

So here's to relaxing. Cheers.

Family Resemblance

That's right my darlings, I'm Pregnant. Found out yesterday after peeing on a stick in the bathroom of the grocery store across the street from where i work.

Dead Bunnies

Nowadays
a woman who wants to find out if she's pregnant need only make a quick trip to the local drug, grocery, or convenience store; purchase an over-the-counter home pregnancy test kit; and perform a simple test; and she'll know the results within a matter of minutes. Not so long ago, however, it wasn't nearly so quick or easy: A woman who thought she might be with child had to schedule an appointment with her doctor, make a trip to his office, give a urine sample, go home, then spend an anxious couple of days waiting for the office to telephone with the test results.

In the movies and television, a positive result was usually revealed by having a character burst into a scene and announce dramatically, "The rabbit died!" (This phrase was either shouted excitedly or whispered in a hushed tone, depending upon whether or not a positive result was the one the woman desired.) But why a rabbit? And why did it die if the woman was pregnant?

The origins of the "rabbit test" lie with the discovery in the 1920s that a woman starts producing a hormone known as human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) shortly after a fertilized egg implants itself in the uterine wall. (It was later discovered that the presence of hCG causes the placenta to produce progesterone after implantation, necessary to prevent rejection of the developing embryo.) In 1927, medical researchers found that not only is hCG present in the urine of pregnant women, but that female rabbits injected with urine containing hCG would, within a few days, display distinct ovarian changes. Thus the "rabbit test" was born, and with it the misconception that the rabbit's death was an indicator of a positive result. In those early tests, the rabbit always died, because the animal had to be killed before its ovaries could be examined. Later refinements to the test enabled clinicians to inspect the ovaries without having to kill the rabbits first, but as the example cited above demonstrates, the misconception that the test rabbit died only if the woman was pregnant is still with us today, even though the "rabbit test" itself is not.

Modern pregnancy tests are still based on measuring the amount of hCG present in urine, but they do so directly, without the need of an animal intermediary to serve as a test subject. (Blood can also be tested for hCG; in fact, this type of test is more accurate and can be performed earlier in the pregnancy, but urine tests are still used in home pregnancy kits because they're much easier to self-administer.)

So, save for old movies, the rabbit test is now passé, and about the only time we hear about dead rabbits is when someone repeats the Hare Dryer legend.

Isn't it Roooomantic?

For Valentine's day i got a 20 gauge Mossberg shotgun and a tin of chocolates with Elvis on the lid.

Shit.

I just found out one of my dear, dear friends has colon cancer. Some of you have met her before and know how much i owe her. She saved me from myself time and time again. Here is her story:


Dear Friends,



I’m sorry to email you all together like this, but you can see that you are part of a select group, unlike the massive story emails I usually send around at random. This too is a story email, but of a vastly different sort than I usually send. Yes, it is a tale of adventure, and it is full of news and other Kit updates. The adventure is scary and interesting and entirely unlike any other I have ever found, but I didn’t go looking for this one. The news is shocking and not all bad. In fact, the news, relatively speaking, is all good. I’ve prattled on for long enough now, I’m sorry. I don’t really know how to share this news, so I may as well just spit (or type) it out…



I have colon cancer. I’m sorry to blindside you, but there’s really no good way to share this news. I didn’t mean to keep this from you, but didn’t really know how to tell you, and then I began treatment before I could really get my head straight enough to tell the story, and then once I was in treatment, I couldn’t stay awake for long enough to write it. These are excuses. The truth is I dreaded writing this email.



The details in a nutshell are: I WILL LIVE. There is no doubt about this oh so important detail. My prognosis is excellent, partly due to my very good health (cancer aside), and partly due to the fact that on average I’m half, or less, the age of the people in cancer treatment. Lucky me. I am in treatment at Boston Medical Center in Boston, Massachusetts. I have a team of extraordinary doctors whom I trust completely. I was diagnosed in the first week of October (I’m sorry to remain silent for so long, I truly am…), and began appointments in Boston by Halloween. I have completed 6 weeks of radiation treatment and chemotherapy, and now I am nearing the end of my 6 week break for recovery, and I have surgery one week from today, February 16th.



The details out of the nutshell are: I have been diagnosed with a condition called FAP (familial adenomatous polyposis). The fun part of the story is that this is supposed to be an inherited genetic mutation, but since I always do things that are unexpected, I get to be the one to establish the family history of colon cancer. Bonus! I was kind of sick all this summer, but never thought anything of it, since I’ve never been sick before, ever. I lost about 10 lbs. during the month of June, but still didn’t worry. Those of you who know the story of The Hotdog Lady and my ongoing battles to remain in business realize why I attributed my weight loss to the stress I was under all summer in the midst of the chaos of small town politics and bureaucracy. It was July before I even noticed that something was wrong with me, and that my stomach’s reaction to food was abnormal. It was late August before I decided to pay a visit to my brother’s doctor (I didn’t even have my own…), and mid-September before I was able to get an appointment with the gastroenterologist he referred me to. That lovely and compassionate man looked at me for 10 minutes, charged me $130.00 and told me to come back for a follow-up in the middle of November. On Thursday, October 6th I ended up in the Emergency Room after an episode of lots of blood coming from somewhere that it’s not supposed to. I was admitted and had a colonoscopy done the following morning, after being reassured by another gastroenterologist (this one actually WAS lovely and compassionate) that it was better to know what was wrong with me after I asked if I should be nervous about what he would find, since it certainly wouldn’t be cancer.



I woke up after the colonoscopy to find my 2 nurses and my gastroenterologist, Dr. Flavin, on the verge of tears as they told me that they had found hundreds of polyps and two masses that they’d biopsied because they were nearly definitely cancer. Wow. Dr. Flavin kept me in the hospital through the following day for additional tests and scans, and I returned home on Saturday afternoon and found my perspective of my world as I knew it changed.



I spent the rest of the weekend studying online, and found just enough information to make me dangerous in a doctor’s office, but not enough to reassure me, yet. Dr. Flavin was fantastic. Before I left the hospital he promised me he wouldn’t drop the ball, and he never has. He went to work immediately to get me the information I so desperately craved, and also to find a doctor who was capable of treating me. Before the week was finished, he has the positive results of my biopsies in hand, confirming my worst fears, and had also made progress with my insurance company to make sure that I would be treated in Boston instead of in Portland, Maine like they preferred. If I have learned anything at all in this process, I’ve learned that if you’re unlucky enough to be diagnosed with cancer, just be certain that you’re lucky enough to be within driving distance of Boston. It’s the most wonderful thing, driving into Boston and feeling all the medical brains crackling all around you, just waiting for a chance to fix you.



Dr. Flavin wrote letters. He faxed letters. He made phone calls, and by the beginning of the following week had confirmed that I would be treated at Boston Medical Center, the teaching hospital for Boston University, my insurance would cover it completely, and that my surgeon would be Dr. James Becker, the Surgeon-in-Chief of BMC who just happened to specialize in colon cancer.



Dr. Becker is a wonderful man and I trust him entirely. My first appointment with him was on Halloween, go figure, and I never doubted for one second that I was in the best possible place for my treatment. My comfort was also bolstered by his resident, Dr. Kelly Tyler, who gave me her cell phone number when I left the exam room and told me to call her with any questions, and then proceeded to call me every day for the first week and ask what questions I had thought of. She has since rotated out of Dr. Becker’s office, but has told me that she will come back for my surgery, and that makes me happy.



I have two tumors, double fun, and thankfully only 2 lymph nodes involved, and so far, no further spread. I began radiation therapy on November 14 (happy birthday Daniel) and chemotherapy on November 16 (happy birthday Kit). The radiation was a total of 28 treatments, 5 days a week. It’s a funny thing, the word RADIATION sounds like this big scary intimidating word, and yes both the machine and table were very intimidating, but the treatment itself was very anti-climactic. My treatments took about 30 seconds per day, but it took about 10 minutes to get me all lined up properly on the table. My radiation therapists were phenomenal…It takes extraordinary people to make radiation so much better than it so easily could be, and in fact to actually make you look forward to radiation, and they succeeded. I love them all. My chemotherapy was surprisingly and similarly simple too. I now have a portacath (port) in my chest, which is really just a titanium and silicone funnel for drugs so my veins don’t freak out with too many needles. It’s the size of a bottle cap under my skin. Because I have a port, my oncologist was able to send me home with a nifty little pump contraption full of chemo that would provide a slow and steady drip through a tube and needle into my port so that I wouldn’t have to sit in the oncology clinic for hours. By taking the pump home with me (I carried over my shoulder it just like a little purse) I was able to minimize the side effects of the chemo itself. I didn’t lose my hair. I carried the pump for 5 ½ days, and then had 1 ½ days totally free and disconnected. It was a long, long, long six weeks. I slept a lot. I ate very little. I finished my radiation treatment on December 23rd and I finished my chemo on December 24th (the best Christmas present I could have wished for!).



After I finished my first phase (out of a total of 3, hopefully), I earned a 6 week break to recover, and let the radiation and chemo residuals continue to battle the alien in my belly. I slept through the first week, and then decided to take advantage of my only opportunity to leave New England this year and I had a wonderful 2 week trip to California with my sister Dinah, our nearly sister Tana, and my oldest friend, Daniel. Dinah moved out to Los Angeles just before Thanksgiving, and came home for Christmas, and then we all served as couriers to help her move her belongings west. We took a 5 day trip by train from Boston to Chicago to Denver to San Francisco to Los Angeles that was total bliss. We moved a vast amount of stuff, each of us being allowed to check 100 lbs. of luggage, and crossed 3 mountain ranges in the heart of winter. What fun! We arrived in Los Angeles and spent the next week being warm, loving our flip-flops and pilfering every Goodwill we could find in search of furniture for Dinah’s fantastic studio apartment in Hollywood. If the rental car agents could only have seen the strange loads we transported in their compact cars! Another perk of the trip was that I could forget that I was supposed to be sick, and I felt better than I had in months.



I returned home 3 weeks ago and have been immersed in the hospital world ever since. I am constantly being scanned and scoped and tested and sampled in preparation for my upcoming surgery. They can’t tell for sure how my tumors have responded to the radiation and chemo, but they know that they have responded, so that’s good news. I kept holding onto the vision during my first phase that if my treatment was making me feel so crummy, just think about how those god****ed tumors must feel!!!



My surgery will be a complete ileostomy. In real words, that means they will be removing my entire colon. In olden days, that would mean that I would have an ostomy bag for life, but modern medicine being the amazing thing that it is, that is not necessarily my only option. Dr. Becker pioneered a new type of reconstructive surgery called a J-pouch that allows bowels to function in a completely normal capacity even when missing the entire colon, and until this innovation, the only possibility for colon cancer survivors was a colostomy bag. Now, thanks to Dr. Becker and others, many survivors have the option for reconstructive surgery after a colostomy or ileostomy, and hopefully I will be among those candidates. My lower tumor is low enough that he won’t know until he is doing my surgery if I am a candidate for a J-pouch, but he has told me that there is every reason to hope for one, and I take comfort in that. In fact, though, either option is fine with me, as long as it allows me to continue to live and breathe and travel and write and swim, and both options give me all of those luxuries.



I just read back through this story and I’m shocked at how long it’s become. I’m sorry to have been out of touch for so long, and now you know why, or sort of...and if you’re reading this email, then you know me well enough to understand how I disappear under rocks from time to time and need to be coaxed back out again…



I hope this finds you all well, and I love you all.



Fondly,

Kit

Ahh. These were the days.

The Modern Mullet

Luke Skywalker and I have the same hair cut.
The funny thing is that when i found this picture the URL said
"mullet madness"

Oh dear... what have I done?

Tagged

Tagged by Seeks So here it goes.

FOUR JOBS I'VE HAD
1998-Assistant Manager of a Bed and Breakfast in Sedona,AZ
1999-Admin Assistant by day and Techie Crew by night for a Repertory Theatre in Portsmouth, NH
2002-Manager of a Web Hosting Company in Rockville, MD
2003-Events Coordinator for the Adult and Master's degree programs for Prescott College in Prescott, AZ

FOUR MOVIES I CAN WATCH OVER AND OVER
Rushmore-and all movies by said director including (Life Aquatic, Royal Tenenbaums)
Last of the Mohicans- I still cry when I see Alice jump
Lilo and Stitch- because it's really, really funny.
The Princess and the Warrior-german, really good.

FOUR PLACES I HAVE LIVED
250yr old log cabin in the middle of protected watershed in the last bit of rural Maryland between Baltimore and NY.
Sedona, AZ- first place I moved after I left home at seventeen. It was beautiful and waaaay too expensive for me so shortly thereafter i ended up moving to the less expensive and less beautiful but not far away town of Cottonwood.
Portsmouth, NH- After about a year in Sedona I left with my restored '78 F250 and drove east stopping in Boulder and the like for fun. Then somehow in the next 5 months I ended up in Portsmouth, NH living in a subsidized house with at one point 5 men and me.
Prescott, AZ-I moved to Prescott to go to school. I lived in the best apartment in a building that was built in 1909 and very crooked. I had all sorts of Rock climbing in my back yard, adventure, adventure, adventure. I think perhaps those were the golden days.


FOUR TV SHOWS I LOVE TO WATCH
I only have three because I don't really watch TV and the episodes i do see are all on video.
-Six Feet Under- if you haven't seen it, you should. Really awesome and sometimes really messed up.
-Scrubs-very funny. I love internal dialog, even if it is cheesy.
-Dharma and Greg- It's not on the air any more. This is my embarassing fetish. It's really funny... i know i'm a dork.


FOUR PLACES I HAVE VACATIONED
-Russia-St. Petersburg and Moscow
-Scottland/England-London, Inverness, Edinburgh, Bath, Stonehenge, Drumnadrochit, Lochness, Ullapool.
-Alaska-Juneau, Sitka, the Yukon(i know, Canada), Anak Tuvuk Pass(inside the Arctic Circle, Brooks Range), Prince William Sound, Fairbanks, Anchorage, and much, much more.
-Telluride, CO-when i was 18 my boyfriend's dad was rich and took us skiing for a week in Telluride.


FOUR OF MY FAVORITE DISHES
-Longanesa with Rice and Eggs-it's a filipino sausage, really good, very fattening.
-Ben's Thai Curry-we made a deal that if he cooked me one good meal he would be allowed kitchen priveledges (up to this point he wasn't allowed to cook in MY kitchen, i'm a little OCD). So he made me an amazing curry, now it's all I crave but he hasn't made it since. :(
-My father's Venison Tenderloin with onions, mushrooms, and potatoes from the garden-oh my, i'm drooling
-Grits, eggs, venison sausage- good fat country breakfast
(oh and because i looooove food i can't leave it at 4 things) Mexican anything!!!

FOUR SITES I VISIT DAILY
Craigs List-Because i'm furniture shopping for our new house
Hotmail- checkin' e-mail
My own blog-I'm so egotistical
Santegroup.org-that's my work website, i use it to get to databases, e-mail, etc.

FOUR PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW
Anywhere
home with Ben
Playing in the snow (which doesn't seem to exist)
in my office (I forgot my keys to my office and am waiting for someone to let me in... i might be waiting for a while).

Tagging Becky, Heidi, Rowen, and Jesse

Craziness

As always things have picked up and I envy past Libby's boredom. It's been an interesting few days at work as the network has been down since last friday and very little can be done without it.

February has come in like gang busters. This weekend is a Welcome Home Girl party at my Aunt Mary's house for my cousin Rachel who has just returned from a year in Africa doing AIDS and HIV education and intervention. It's wonderful to have her home.

Next weekend is the Mid-winter Ball

Weekend after that my sister comes home for a visit

Weekend after that Ben and I move into our new place and My folks leave for Costa Rica

And Weekend after that it's March. Where does the time go??

Meanwhile i'm plugging away.

And in response to Becky's question: no, it's the last little white house going south on York Rd.