Happy Halloween...

Esther's 4th Birthday Letter

Dearest Esther,
  Today you are FOUR. i know, hard to believe, right?  Not just that you've grown up so fast, but that somehow by the grace of the gods you've managed to not just survive to four but THRIVE. This has been a big year for you. You've gone from toddler to little kid in a matter of minutes it would seem. You are becoming such a little person. At least five times a day you say something and i have no idea where you would even learn something like that or have even heard of it. You are brilliant! Your powers of deductive reasoning are overwhelming. Your logic is astoundingly flawless. You are beautiful, and funny, and all together intense. You are demanding and oh-so-swift.  You are amazing and incredible and wonderful and i cannot stop telling you how much i love you. I hug you so hard that you squeak and tell me i'm squishing you.

  You have started your second year of pre-school. From what i can tell you seem to love it, although it was hard at first. I think other kids and particularly crowds make you nervous. You get that from me. But you are learning coping mechanisms and healthy ones at that, nope no cigarettes and whiskey for you! You ask to be held, or ask for someone to read a book with you.  You are good at telling us what you need. You also take care of others. You excel at being a big sister. You teach Asa, you comfort him, you punish him, you share with him.  You want so much for everyone around you to be happy and content.

You are terrified of doctors. you are very interested in bugs. you help me feed the chickens. you clean up your toys. you pick out your own clothes. you sing and dance almost constantly. you tell the best stories i've ever heard in my entire life (note to self: you really need to record and post vid of e telling a story). you are empathetic. sarcastic. emotive. you are sly and crafty but very honest when it comes down to it. you are loving and sweet and kind.
 
You have also taught yourself to read. Several months ago you began sounding out a word and you read it. Since then, just like your talking and walking, it has been a monsoon of reading labels, books, mail, signs, t-shirt slogans, anything you can get your greedy little eyes on.  Every day is a new surprise. one day you're a little bump in my belly and the next thing you know you're reading and writing and making up songs (you get that from daddy). Pretty soon you'll be driving and dating...

 Another interesting thing, you are recently, obsessed with death. You are always asking me if i'm going to die and when and how. And you always tell me that you don't want to die. It breaks my heart. I am running with the idea that this obsession with death is perfectly healthy and natural though. And i try, as best i can, to frame my answers in nonchalance but not lies.

So aside from breaking my heart, being brilliant, and funny, and prolific in your drawing, writing, singing, etc - you are without a doubt, completely, utterly and entirely yourself. through and through. you are independent and individual and i love you with every single bit of my being ever. from the very core of everything i've ever been to everything i ever will be. You are my baby forever. i sure do love you, squirt.

-mama

House boy in training

what can i say, he loves to vacuum.
(and he's outgrown that onesie...)

What an amazing weekend!

The first annual all-girl backpacking trip was amazing. It was hilarious and beautiful and i can't thank everyone enough for making it all happen.

There will be pictures on the BB blog later. I'll let you know when they're posted. I left the picture taking to other folks who are, undoubtedly, more talented with cameras than i am.

Hope your Monday isn't as hard as mine (it's always difficult to come back to real life after a weekend of seeing what fantastic things you could be doing all day every day... )

Such a Boy-o

(photos courtesy of Oma! Thanks Oma!) 

Dance class Daddy

 So, dance class...
In light of my failure to force Esther into participating i shunted off my motherly duties to Ben. He is now taking Esther to dance class.  He is much better at giving her the boot than i am.

And if she does well, and dances and only cries a little bit, daddy takes her out for sweet potato fries and beer...

Ben's 29th Birthday

For Ben's 29th we celebrated low key. not much hubbub. I worked from home so as to eliminate a time sucking commute. Ben and his Dad took Asa computer shopping. Asa got a brand new Mac Book Pro... just kidding. he's not allowed to touch it.

Ben and I dropped the kids off with Mom and Dad and went out on a date. We had NO idea where we were going but hopped on the motorcycle and let the wind blow us. The wind, as it turns out, blew us to A-town. A sleezy dive bar in northern baltimore county... turns out it was happy hour... there were three other individuals in there... we got half price appetizers which i had to decorate in honor of our benny-boy, had a couple of beers, played three rounds of pool (i have completely lost any skill i ever possessed with that game).

and finished off the birthday with watching dvds and passing out cold... ahhhh, to be young...

To carmax or not to carmax...

We've been on the fence about buying a new car. Our RAV has lots of issues and we were thinking it'd be easier to just trade it in rather than fix everything that's wrong with it (the stereo was the clincher, especially since i CAN'T FIND ANYONE TO FIX IT!).  Anyhow... after much deliberation, we've decided that it'd be better to dump a couple grand into this car than to spend ten grand on a new car... at least for now... only time will tell ...

And despite the fact that it's a hideous color, it's a great car. does fabulous in the winter. just the right size, gas mileage isn't bad for an suv... and really... well... it's the devil we know...

Car stereo hell

Anyone know anything about carstereos?? Wanna come over and help me rip apart my dash??

Sent from my iPhone

Why oh why did i get out of bed this morning????!!!

The day is shaping up to be such a mess that i'm fairly certain i'm going to run home, grab the family, and head to mexico. I hear they're accepting applications for drug cartel kingpins. The insurance is crap but the salary is more than generous. Plus a lot of added perks, like an escalade with giant platinum rims...

i will leave it at that. no point going into it... i'll just end up punching the computer and this is the only one left i have that works so... may be time to haul myself, my dead ass computers (and my dead-ass car stereo), and a couple fire arms out to a very empty and isolated field for some target practice and emotional relief.

Also, i want to informally apologize to anyone involved or victim of my over-planning/organizing obsessive compulsive behavior. I know, i'm insane... and if i could afford it i'd get meds... or drugs... or regular beatings...

See you in Mexico.

As seen on facebook...

My amazing knit savvy mom made me these adorable short shorts. I'm trying to figure out how i can get away with wearing them to work and not have to justify my weirdness.

For those of you wanting your own, i'm sure she'll take commissions. AND she'll be selling them at the next fairiefest. so keep your grundyundies on and wait till spring!

My son's lovie...

Lots of kids have "lovies", things they simply cannot leave home or sleep without. Blankets, spit up rags, a special stuffed animal. My son? He has a "Amma" or hammer or more accurately, a crab mallet.

Hey backpackers!!!!

If you don't have http://bacpackingbitches.blogspot.com/ in your google reader or keep up with it regularly please go check in. i posted more stuff regarding our oh-so anticipated trip!

I'm SOOOOOOO very excited for this i can't stand it. I'm literally vibrating with joy at the idea of two whole days in the out doors! I haven't slept outside since Esther was born. yikes!

The week in pictures...

Enjoying my semi-domesticated bliss 1950's style with my $2 apron from the antique store.

They're getting so very big...

This actually wasn't from this week but i had to share. I tend to make cardboard play-things for the kids when i'm avidly avoiding my chores...

His is a pick-up truck "like Dada"

Note the car seat which she just had to have...

Esther started dance class. so far it's been a disaster. more on this later...

And finally, the best part of this crazy week, OUR GIRLS STARTED LAYING EGGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Called in sick and played hookie from life

I got a really bad cold Tuesday night and it wiped me out fir a couple days. I got Ben to play hookie with me while the kids were off doing their respective things (school and play date with Lali). We went to the library (on the motorcycle) and got movies and spent most of the rest of the day in bed...

Ah... fall... the time to fall... off...

So yes, i've hit a bit of a slump in posting lately. sorry.

It being september, things have gotten rather busy. Esther started school on the 18th and we've been trying to get into the groove of our new schedule. it's not easy. We've also been attempting some new sleep-better training consisting of my fumbling, un-trained version of NLP for Esther and filling Asa's belly up with Oat Milk...

Yes. we're crazy-town.

Our new schedule
(not that you're terribly interested... i can tell by the way your eyes just glazed over and you basically stopped reading and started thinking about donuts... mmmm doughnuts... how do you spell donuts?)


Mon
Libby works,
Ben drops Esther off at school at 9:30 then goes home and hangs with Asa and picks Esther up from school at 2.
all come home eat dinner and do the bedtime shuffle.

Tues
Ben works,
Libby hangs with kids,
Oma comes for her Esther day.
Ben comes home.
Libby heads down to the city to meet up with Oma and Esther, goes to Hampden for Esther's Dance class, then for Libby's trapeze lesson
Ben puts Asa down and Libby comes home late to carry a sleeping Esther up to her bed.

Wed
Ben works,
Libby drops Esther at school at 9:30 then goes to work,
Asa stays with Lali.
Ben or Lali picks Esther up from school at 2.
Ben is home with kids from 2:15 on...
eat dinner and bedtime shuffle

Thurs
Ben works,
Libby home with kids (sighing dramatically and attempting to do the chores that have fallen by the wayside the rest of the week)

Fri
Repeat of Monday...

ok. i'm going to go get another cup of coffee and pretend i'm eating a doughnut.

Architectural genius

This is where the kids have been plotting their plebeian uprising...

Playing dress up with the hand-me-downs my Ya-ya sent all the way from Portland.

Bragging Rights

He is awfully cute for being so in love with someone else (twitter).

Just their size.

I know at least one of my readers will recognize this teeny little house.

Toddler Taming

Yesterday, after Asa gave Esther a particularly hard thump on the head (mostly by accident) I asked him to say "sorry" and give her a kiss. He refused. We had a battle of wills. For 45minutes I held him in my lap and repeated "say sorry to Esther" in a mostly calm an loving and gentle voice. 45 MINUTES FOLKS!!!! And he finally said it. I win. I am the champ!!!! I am a super mom!!!!

Sent from my iPhone

Not a good day. Stomach is messed up, can't keep anything down. Work was annoying but could have been worse. Now I'm stuck in the parkinglot because my battery is dead. And I feel so shitty and embarrassed and unfriendly and did I mention shitty? Because here I am at work where there's a great deal of large cops who could probably give me a jump or at the very least enough momentum to pop the clutch. But no I just can't bust through the thick shell of antisocial socially awkward and hateful loathing I feel toasted my fellow man. So i'm waiting for my hero and wishing the radio would work and I could go home...

Sent from my iPhone

My throat is actually sore from yelling at the kids today...

Sent from my iPhone

just once...

you know... just once, i'd like to show up on the craigslist missed encounters...

Rant on Asa's doctor who is no longer Asa's doctor and how totally awesome i am.

Ben took Asa for his well baby visit and boosters on Monday. We have never been particularly fond of the kids' doctor but considering they don't see him too terribly often and we're not trying to be best buddies with her we figured we'd deal.

I'd like to say that when we first took Asa to her at 3 months old she wanted to put him on liquid vitamins. He was perfectly healthy. There were no signs of malnutrition or anything. We took the script but never followed through because we believed that he was perfectly healthy. But what the f--- do we know, we only spend like every waking minute with him. But she's a health care professional and spends all of 15 minutes with him every few months...

So, back to Monday. Ben took him because i had to work. First she tells Ben that Asa is too small (i checked it against the cdc growth charts and he's small but in the EXACT same percentile as Esther was when she was his age and HER doctor at the time did not seem to think this was out of the ordinary given her genetics).  Ben argued with her telling her that his wife is 3/8th filipino, barely 5ft tall, and 96lbs soaking wet. But she didn't want to hear it. She disapproves of our health eating habits which limit dairy, sugar, and commercially grown meat; and emphasizes whole grains, alternative proteins like nuts and beans, and has some (if extremely small) basis in macrobiotics. After Ben argued with her she proceeded to tell him that she thinks Asa has a heart murmur, probably as consequence to being so small...

While it's possible he does have a heart murmur (though after reading this it seems unlikely as he hasn't had any diseases that tend to cause it AND no one has heard it in the 20+ months that people have been listening to his heart). Doctor Douche let Ben listen and Ben said he couldn't hear anything.

So after hearing all this when i get home from work on Monday i proceeded to spend yesterday getting the kids PCP changed to a new guy close to my work so i can come too even if i'm working and we're going to get a second opinion before ordering up an echo-cardiogram. I have also proceeded to giver her a bad review on one of those rate your doc websites.


On another note:
Miss Laura Mae Socks proceeded to tell me what a great mama she thinks i am - Read this Suckkas!!!!

Laura: let's talk about how good of a mom you are

i've been bragging that to everyone

Libby: hahahahaha

Laura: seriously

i bragged to

terri

shannon

my mother in law

Libby: you're kidding??

Laura: i'm not

i like how you roll

Libby: i'm down to hear about how great i am.

Laura: you're to the point

your kids know what you expect it seems

you don't let them walk all over you but you let them be independent

i think it's awesome

Libby: i'm totally quoting you on the blog!

Terri - Thanks for the awesome action shot of Asa. I absolutely love this. Also, Terri is to credit for the new banner pic. Go visit her for more pics of our most recent parenting commiserating visit. Terri, you're an awesome mama too!

Belated Anniversary Post

This blog has been alive and kicking since August 20, 2005. It has officially been 5 years. Damn. I'm one narcissistic, verbose mother-fcker!

Thanks for indulging me guys. i love you!

Me Then

Me Now

More pics from the Wildwood Beach quick trip last month...

We did a brief whirlwind trip down to Wildwood, NJ for Ben's Mom's family beach trip. It's getting harder and harder to make it to these types of events. There are so many demands on our schedules these days and with both kids and their schedules and our increasing lack of funds... it gets crazy around here... 

But we did make it for one good day of fun and sun and sand... Ben's cousin Ryan and his wife Stacia (HI GUYS!!) have two kids about the same ages as our kids so it's fun to get them together, albeit complete chaos... 

Olivia and Esther found these glasses under a bed in the rental house... and then proceeded to wear them around. I have to say, this last picture is probably one of my all time favorite pictures of Esther. She looks so much like me for once.

[Photos courtesy of Ryan Rush. Thanks Ryan!!!]


These next bunch of photos are from the same weekend but are courtesy of Oma. Thanks Oma!
(and sorry they're so late in the posting...)

i look like such a little kid here... a kid with blue lips...

ok, NOW it's summer... (now that it's practically over)

I did it. I manned up and made homemade ice cream for the first time. My mother bought the kitchenaid ice cream maker and has since been a tornado of frozen delicacy...

Which, while delicious, adds to my fear of attempting such gastronomical feats... if i haven't said this already, i'm going to say it now in no uncertain terms: My mother is an intense perfectionist!

Anything and everything she does makes my attempts look like dog doo... so in an effort of self preservation or perhaps pride or perhaps laziness, i simply don't do the things she does because, let's face it, if she does it a thousand times better than i ever could, i'm just going to sweet-talk her into doing it for me. this does not bode well for that dark day when she dies... which she will no doubt do with either utter grace and significance, or with a loud, enviable bang.

Ok, back to the ice cream. SO, i sucked it up (she had a prior engagement so i couldn't talk her into doing it for me) and made ice cream. and you know what?  IT WASN'T HARD AT ALL!!!!!!!!

I was nervous because the recipe i settled on (the French Vanilla recipe that came with the ice cream maker instructions (page 8 of this pdf) -- which i was going to add peaches to to make peach ice cream) required cooking. and for ice cream you're basically making a custard. I don't do custards... or puddings... or any of that wonky stuff.

But i did it. it didn't suck... i didn't burn it... i didn't have any trouble separating the yolks from the whites... and i even forgot to stir it often... and i didn't use a double boiler...

Admittedly, the peach ice cream was a bit icy but that's because i didn't have time to freeze the peaches first. But the french vanilla was ASTOUNDINGLY phenomenal. it was just like store bought, but better... and fluffy... and creamy... and oh dear god. i want more.

i'm hooked...

(i would have taken pictures but my camera sucks and next to joe's i would just feel miles worth of inadequate. Maybe i could sweet talk him into being our private photographer just for the blog... i could pay him with ice cream!!!)