Manic Tuesday...

What did i do yesterday, you ask? Well. I baked a cake at like 8am. I cleaned the house, did laundry, made dish soap bubble juice and coat hanger bubble wands, i made a cardboard and duct tape play house, and i pulled everything out of the pantry, cleaned it, put in new shelves and drawers and put everything back in the clean pantry.  Yes... i'm crazy... it's been like ten years BLOG-face, haven't we established this already?

Oh yeah, and there's these too.

Oh, Ian Douglas Corey... how very much we owe you for photographically capturing our life for us since we're lazy and untalented with anything resembling a camera...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/iancorey/5700225424/in/set-72157626674566374/

just a terrible blogger

yes, i know. i'm an awful blogger. i feel like i was once good at it... and then well... or maybe regularly... become awful at keeping up with it. at writing what's going on with me, my family, my life...

Yes, you're not the only one who turtles up in times of crisis or not even crisis but maybe more of a depleted resources time.

Ok. So...
Mother's day was fantastic. in fact life is fantastic.
No seriously. Life is good. Ben and i are madly in love with each other and our children. And while not madly in love with life, not completely dissatisfied and fatalistic about it.

I started seeing Terri's recommended acupuncturist. it was more or less on a whim. I had been considering body work of some nature or another at the time. But wasn't sure what precisely i was looking for. And Terri raved about the woman she had been seeing. So i went. And, unlike me, did NOT research acupuncture at all.  (yes, i know, but shut up. I'm trying this new thing where i don't research things to death and i just try to remain open to experience).  And well, i'm working on parts of myself i have been working on for ages (or what feels like ages) and what i have traditionally had NO results in working on (my fatalistic nature, severe anxiety, trouble falling asleep, ruminating thoughts, anger management), i am changing. things are shifting. it's very, very amazing.  AND the super fantastic thing is, as i start to change and i start to shift, the things and people around me are starting to shift too.

SO... Back to mother's day weekend.  Saturday Ben and I (yes it took two of us) put training wheels on Esther's newly inherited two-wheeler. And then we took a picnic to the playground in New Freedom where we ate, played on the swings and watched Esther ride around the tennis courts like a bat out of hell purgatory.  She was super cute.  Fell down twice and once scraped her knees pretty bad but did not cry or even look like she wanted to cry. I am so proud!!!  Sunday,  I started the day with a happy and crazy Asa who i brought down to my bed as soon as i heard him awake, we sort of cuddled, sort of head-butted, and he sort of told very emphatic nonsense stories... then Esther woke up and we did our breakfast thing while Daddy slept in (a much needed sleep-in i may add as Asa was up half the night whining).  Once daddy woke up we had a fantastic breakfast of pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream. Then daddy and the kids played outside and did laundry and i cleaned the kitchen and made food for the week. Then i ran off to see a movie with Jesy and then we went to goodwill for some treasure hunting.  It was a very good visit with her. I feel like all too often i run around so crazy and so busy that i never enjoy where i am and who i'm with when i'm with them. I'm always looking to the next thing, the next day, the next person or headache. But i am trying to be more conscious about being present. And i hope that translates to visits with you too...  if it doesn't just grab me by the face and while looking forcefully into my eyes say "HEY, WHERE THE F--- ARE YOU???"

after goodwill i ran to meet my folks and ben and the kids for dinner at the mexican place near the movie theater.

Anyhow. good weekend.
maybe next post will be more photos about pretty babies and less about my fixes for my insanity. ... maybe...

The porch pot garden...

No not growing pot, just growing stuff IN pots. You see the peas are going gang busters. The pot closest to the camera is a mixed lettuce deal and the other ones are morning glories which I just got around to planting this week.

Funny face girls!

Smiling... Finally...

Geez mom!

Big girl

Stop looking at my dinner like that!

Am I eating a pan of meatballs with hot sauce and white wine for dinner??? YES I AM! (oh shut up, it's free range!)

Libby vs insomnia

And here we are again... Insomnia.
Ben took the kids this morning at 5am down to the eastern shore with his sister to visit their mom. I'm working the fairie festival all weekend and have to stay here.

And though, after a very long day of festival work, and despite being exhausted... I cannot sleep. I cannot turn off my brain. And there are other people sleeping in my house so I can't even watch movies or make tea or the like...

I don't understand this insanity of mine. My brain is constantly on overdrive. Over-anxious, over-emotional, over-stressed, over-guilty...

And I have an upset stomach. It's possibly a side effect of the anxiety of being away from ben and the little ones... But could also be the crap-load of junkfood I had for dinner.

So what now?

Sent from my iPhone

Can't buy me love... but he can buy me new chickens!

Ok. so i weeped...  and tried to be good and not whine, not blame, and not be a total bitch. And it must have worked because after an appropriate grieving period of 24 hours, Ben went to the O'Niel farm and bought three more hens and a rooster.

We now have, in addition to our two surviving Golden Wyandottes:
a Rhode Island Red (hen) -- her name is Foxy
a Plymouth Rock (hen)- i think? -- her name is Sylvia
an Ameraucana (hen) - i think?, she lays green eggs and has a beard -- her name is Bernadette the bearded lady
and I think our rooster is a Silver Laced Wyandotte -- His name is Sergeant York (or Yolk, depending on how punny you feel)

and yeesh is the Sergeant ever a loud bugger!

i'll post pics when i get some good ones.

Asa, My Kitchen Aid!

Yes, it's true. My small lad has inherited my penchant for knives... he likes to help me in the kitchen when chopping vegetables. So lately i've been giving him a butter knife (the non-serrated kind) and canned kidney beans. 

*sigh* ... apple< tree.

Asa Health Update (or How to Fatten up Your Kid)

So, i don't think i wrote anything about our visit with the Endocrinologist. We took Asa to see an Endocrinologist in a huge building in the city (part of the university i think).  Anyhow, he's too small... He's not on the chart. And yes, i am small, and yes he will be a small adult... but i guess he's still TOO small...

After a very long and stressful conversation with the endocrinologist (stressful because Ben can be... um...very... um...forceful when speaking with healthcare professionals) she ordered a chloride sweat test to be done to check for cystic fibrosis.  We're going back to the huge and insane building in downtown baltimore tomorrow for that test.  She also ordered some blood work to be done but not until July for some reason. In the mean time, we're supposed to be feeding him pediasure.  

Now, you all know me and my insane ideas about nutrition and what not. And my insane need to make my life more complicated than it already is... and my desire to do the complete opposite from what i am told... 

That said, i'm attempting to fatten up my boy (and girl too because we simply must be fair) with my own high calorie smoothie thingies.

Every morning (which now start at 6am) i get up and make said shakes.  Recipe:

1 cup Amazake (200 calories per 8oz)
1 cup high calorie plain greek yogurt (this one is 290 calories per 8oz)

1 tblspn agave nectar

enough frozen organic fruit of your choosing to fill the rest of the magic bullet container

If i call it a "milk shake" and tell them that it's bad for them they'll drink it. ;)

Fairie Festival

It's sneaking up on us... i'm not ready...
anyone coming? April 29-May1.
go to www.spoutwood.org/fairie-festival for more info...

weeping on the way to work...

something got four of our six chickens... we have two survivors...

Spring evenings

Sometimes I actually dread the evenings. The hustle and hassle of getting the kids to eat (nothing short of sitting on them and shoveling it in seems to work), cleaning up the related mess, bathing the kids (repeatedly dunking them in water until my ears are bleeding from the whining and crying), cleaning up the related mess, and putting them to sleep (also requires sitting on them)... But of late I've somehow, through nagging; cajoling; finagling; and favor promising gotten Ben into playing nightly games of chess.

Now, it's important to note here that I am distinctly NOT good at chess. I just happen to like it. I'm not exactly sure why I like it though. While playing, I can often be found tearing my hair our, breathing heavily through flared nostrils, and/or being extremely twitchy.

But I love it. And I get to play it. And it's awesome. Then we watch a couple episodes of The Mighty Boosh drink a beer or some wine and fall asleep peacefully.

Sent from my iPhone

Apathetic Week.

That's right folks! This week is Apathy Awareness week! Are you aware of your own apathy? i sure am.

Well at least when it comes to work anyhow. It's not that i'm not working, because i definitely am working. I am working my tail off... it's just that i don't seem to care any more. Which, when you work for a nonprofit that specializes in a historically under funded field, caring is about all you have going for you. Caring for the people you're helping, caring about the programs and projects and your co-workers... it is, after all, a cause.

But quite frankly, i don't care right now. I'm sure i'll care again some day... maybe tomorrow.  But for today, i keep casting longing glances over my shoulder and out the window into the hot and bright spring day on the other side... taunting me... sneering and jeering at my inability to enjoy it. stupid day...

I think we should have "sun days" like "snow days" - we should be able to cut out of work early on days as beautiful as today. what is wrong with our society??

Narcissistic me

Anyone else ever use a company called photoworks?  I used to use it a long time ago, ya know back when film cameras existed... anyhow, they're closing and all the digital photos they had stored for me needed to be transfered, and i forgot about most of these photos... anyhow... i found a bunch, and because i'm always a little uncomfortable sharing pics of other people without their permission (minus ben and the babies), here's a bunch of pictures of me... from january 2003... 

This is pretty awesome... (yes, another cop out cause i'm busy and i'm cold)

As Seen on Facebook

ok, so i totally realize that this is cheating. BUT, since some of you maybe, possibly, don't keep up with facebook and all it's horrors here's a bunch of photos i probably posted on facebook once upon a time. 

I also realized that i didn't mention on here (at least i don't think i did??) that we cut Esther's hair short. It was driving her crazy for a while and said she wanted it very short so we complied. And she's super adores-able.

Anyhow, here's a bunch of photos to keep you in the loop more or less until i can get my act together enough to write a decent post and keep up with the blog.

apology...

i just wanted to apologize for being so MIA these days. As we all know (because i've stated it innumerable times) March = not good... so i've been plugging along working a lot... and waiting as patiently as i possibly can (which isn't much) for spring.

spring is peeking up all over these last couple weeks though. And though i'm as bipolar as the weather, things are beginning to be a bit more promising. The kids are now going to bed at 8 rather than 7 since daylight savings (i refuse to acclimate them to the new time so shoot me) which opens up a wealth of social possibilities. Namely, we're starting up our weekly dinners with j&i again (sooooooo happy about this!). In light of my increasing lack of creativity, and busy schedules, and because they're driving to us every week so we can put the kiddos down to sleep and still hang with them after - we're implementing Fiesta Fridays!! (consisting of mexican cuisine - or as close to it as i can come-, and tequila... or not...)

Let's see... anything else new? not really... trying to prepare stock for our booth at fairie festival but also not really getting anything done, anxious for ben and my baby free get away april 17-18 (we're spending the night at a b&b in federal hill), and other than that working working working.

OH and my new 5 year plan has us moving to Africa in 3 years for a year or so...

Happy Heart

So, Asa's heart murmur is what they call innocent or functional. His heart is strong. He does not need to have antibiotic treatments or avoid activities. He will not need blood thinners or anything like that. He is a healthy wee man.

We have an appointment with a pediatric endocrinologist april 4th because he's so very small. We'll let you know how that goes.  Our pediatrician did call us with the blood test results and x-ray results and so far everything looks fine. No thyroid problems or anything like that. His skeletal age is 15 months. And though i read all about it on wikipedia i'm not sure i fully understand skeletal age vs. true age. It sounds like having a younger skeletal age means he will grow for longer so could potentially catch up to his peers by adulthood, but i'm not entirely sure.

Anyhow, we're breathing easier knowing he has a good heart.

however, i hate march. and we all have colds. COME ON APRIL!!!!

Cardboard and duct tape...

Poor kid

So...

Asa has a heart murmur. likely it's nothing. gunna take him to see a pediatric cardiologist and also a pediatric endocrinologist (hopefully) next week.

Bragging on Ben

Have i mentioned lately how i married a really incredible, totally maudlin (though he wouldn't admit it even in the face of chinese torture -- ask me how i know!), sexy, sweet, and doting person??

Well, if i haven't. Guess what kind of person i married! an incredible, maudlin, sexy, sweet, and doting person!

For Valentine's day he surprised me by coordinating with my folks to watch the kids over night and reservations at a b&b just up the road a-piece (did i just say "a-piece"?, i did, i live in the woods... gimme a break).

We, unlike my parents, had a wonderful time! went out for sushi... and... well... you get it. A room all to ourselves... with a bed... and NO ONE ELSE around (we were the only guests in the house!)...

so, yeah. i'm a lucky girl...

Boston, Kit, a lot of wine, and memories...

So, my Boston trip... i can hear your anticipation, just waiting to see when, if, what i'm going to write about it...

It was... it was a hiccup in time. A worm hole from the now to not quite then... but somewhere in between perhaps.

It has not been an easy decade for Kit or her family. I think i actually heard that little *snick* sound when as my heart broke over and over for her as she relayed the last ten years to me over seven, yes SEVEN bottles of wine... or was it eight?

I do not want to go into the specifics of any of it because this is after all the internet, and it is after all her life... but i do want to say that i am appalled, heart broken, so extremely sorry, and very, very angry about some of the stuff she's been through. I think i need to leave it at that for now...

On a more positive note. Kit is well. She is gorgeous and wonderful and full of stories of travel and excellent food. My god, that woman has good taste in cheese! oh and men too as it turns out. Charles (her wonderful big bear of a beau), Kit, Rocky (their sweet dog), and Becky (Kit's fabulous and oh-so-sweet mama - she came down for Saturday night, yay!!) spent the whole weekend catching up, drinking wine, eating cheese, looking at the splendid view, looking at pictures, talking about the old days (but not necessarily *good* old days), snuggling, laughing, and yours truly even teared-up a bit a couple of times...

I am hoping that it will be far less time between this visit with her and the next. It's been a difficult week. I haven't been feeling 100% plus all of the fun, but albeit interruptions in our daily routine is throwing everything off. And i have to miss a wonderful party this weekend to WORK. yes work. on a Sunday... until 7pm... :(

Her house on an ice cube, that looks like an ice cube but has a resplendent view!

Just before i left for the airport to go home...

On our walk around the island... -- what? you say? Boston is NOT an island. Yes, but Nahant is.  

He's sewing a button onto his own pants. I love a man who can sew!

a terribly flattering and lovely picture of Kit

letter to her kid

I love this letter to her kid. also she's awesome. read her blog (all you parenting types).

Also, woke up to a Valentine's Day miracle. awoke to the thumping of Esther coming down the stairs. I go to her in the dark and pick her up while she whimpers a bit and then says "night time is no fun". I sympathize and carry her upstairs. lay her in her bed, go over to check on Asa who is still sound asleep in his bed. I lay down on the sofa beside Esther's bed and then catch sight of the thin border of light around the curtain because the SUN IS COMING UP. BECAUSE IT IS ACTUALLY MORNING. The dim light gets brighter and bolder as i lay there listening to Esther roll over and over... and then sneeze...and then Asa's touseled head pops up like a jack in the box... (what am i getting at you're wondering?) we, yes, all four of us, slept in our own beds ALL NIGHT LONG!!! granted i think Esther woke me up around 6, but that's Morning! REAL morning. not like fake morning at 4:30 or 5.

so happy valentine's folks. also, the world is not a completely frigid hell today. so that's nice too.

What February reduces us to...

February and March are crazy times for me. Case in point --

 "are those underpants?" i hear you asking, why yes. they are. well actually Esther's mask is swimsuit bottoms, Asa's is underpants.

 did i just come back from trapeze? maybe...

or perhaps i just dress like this all the time. What? i didn't tell you i was a deranged and MIA christmas elf?

The Pen Story

struggling...

Maybe it's just today, or all the horrible stuff that keeps happening (read: people are dying...) but i'm not doing so hot these days (or maybe it's just today and the fatalist in me is kicking in).

sad, sad, sad,sadsadsadsad....

feb and mar are not my best months over all... i dream of one day having the money and time to run away for a few weeks during this time to somewhere sunny and warm and good smelling...

Ceci & Miah

i love these people!

March Distraction?

Just one more distraction during the month of March and i think i'll be able to make it through the winter homicide-free!  Any ideas?

Thank you!

You guys are awesome. I got so many comments after asking for them. i feel very loved.
I particularly want to say "Thank You" to Kit and her mama, Becky. I love you guys very much!


Also, it's cold as Fire Truck here!!!! ok so fire trucks aren't cold, but i'm trying to keep this site pg rated...

no new pictures... because i'm lazy... and i'm cold... and my house is a mess... and my work is a mess... and... well... i'm tired. Can we just hibernate the winter away? I think the idea of Alaskan wilderness excites me so because essentially they do hole up for 3 or 4 months and DON'T DO ANYTHING but hide out in bed (all time favorite fantasy - i actually think kit and i spent whole weeks not getting out from under covers! - i mean that in a totally pg rated way), play checkers, open the perma-frost freezer for some frozen caribou hunks (which they make into amazing stew!) and wait for the thaw.

anybody, please...

For the love of god, will someone PLEASE comment on the post below with the pics of fat-me in winter of 1999-2000???