sleepy monkeys... and superman

Look Out Atlanta!

Did i tell you i'm going to atlanta this weekend? i didn't? Well, guess what! i'm going to atlanta this weekend!

Two of my bestest friends (and heros) from college live in atlanta.  It's been far too long since i've seen them and i miss them somethin' awful.  I'm a terrible long-distance keeper-in-toucher.  I really don't like talking on the phone, though maybe if my children stopped shouting and running around like maniacs TIMES TEN when i'm on the phone it'd be easier... But seriously, i suck.  I try to write letters, like pen to paper, stamps and the usps style letters... but after about two cards into a new pack of stationary i end up stopping because i'm too busy or i forget who's turn it is or i lose the stationary... and e-mail is usually fairly consistent... but still, things get away from me and i just stop... so the only real way to talk to me seems to be in person or over gchat when i'm trying to avoid more productive forms of being...

Anyhow, this is going to be a fan-freakin'-tastic weekend.  Both H and K play on roller derby teams and they are both playing in bouts back to back on Saturday so i'm super psyched that i get to see them both play.  And other than that we're going to catch up on each others lives, drink a bunch of beers, and hang out. Oh, and i'm going to sleep past 6am.

Yippeeeeeee!!

Oh. these are my fantastic friends:

Aeon Flex

Agent Maulder
and be sure to check out the Atlanta Rollergirls

restless

i wanna buy this and take the kids on a very long road trip to places where the sky is bigger than it is here... where we will see no one, swim in every marginally clean water source we can find, sit around fires in the evenings, sleep in a big heaping pile, forget about money and responsibility...

Today just will NOT end...

Oh-my-flaming-hell, the day just will not for-the-life-of-it END...

Stop toying with me you stupid clocks!!!!!!!!!

what's wrong with me:

i want to make this a list of things that are wrong with me... but i'm not sure my brain is organized enough today to actually make a list... i know, i know, i hear you thinking "Libby, not make lists???!!! quick someone call a medic!!!"

but seriously... i'm a crazy person. have i told you that before? i am... i'm crazy.

i can't wait for summer to be over... and yes, months ago i couldn't wait for the weather to be warm...
is there a place in the world where it's perpetually fall?? i wanna live there.

soooo. let's see... where was i... oh, right. crazy.  aside from feeling supremely disorganized (despite the wall and left half of my desk at work being COVERED in sticky notes), i'm also feeling supremely dissatisfied... with what, you ask? well, EVERY-FREAKING-THING.

work is a bugger... i hate the emr. i hate having to smooth feathers... i'm not a feather-smoother, just ask my kids... i'm mostly a numbers in columns and rows and "isn't that pattern interesting" person.

my husband wants to move to japan... probably without me and the kids...

and i can't seem to eat/cook/freeze/can the super influx of veg in our house which makes me feel ridiculously guilty...

also, the araucana chicken has stopped laying eggs because we took her clutch away and now she's depressed and mad at me...

sigh. i know... i'm a whiner. i'm sorry... i'll shut up now.

Our new kitty

My little princesses

Yay for Change!

"Affordable Care Act Ensures Women Receive Preventive Services at No Additional Cost"
to read the whole article, go here...
http://www.hhs.gov/news/press/2011pres/08/20110801b.html

philippines?

 I just e-mailed my 3rd cousin (????) on my maternal grandmother's side to see if she has any open teaching positions at her school in the Philippines...

in your face... with a face...

this is the expression i make when someone says "look sexy"... funny, huh. i guess in my mind, sexy and vapid are somehow tied together.

To camp or not to camp...

We're supposed to go camping in Cunningham Falls this weekend. The kids' first ever camping trip. I have been really looking forward to this. But now, we're being thwarted by a major HEAT WAVE!

Can i just say that i hate heat waves. HATE them. Despite being one of the many people who suffer from seasonal depression disorder and get the winter blues, i actually love winter. I love snow. I even love feeling cold... well, more like, i like feeling cozy when it's cold out. Winter backpacking, rocks! Even when you wake up and you're too afraid to take off the three pairs of socks you have on because it feels like your toes have fused together and are probably black and about to fall off from frost bite and it stings just to look in the general direction of your feet let alone walk on them...

So... do we go camping in the heat? or do we cancel the reservation, take the financial hit (have to pay for tonight and a cancellation fee because it's so close to our arrival) and spend the weekend at home, upstairs, in the kids room because it's the only place that has A/C...

OR MAYBE!! WE COULD HIJACK MOM AND DAD'S CAMPER WHILE THEY'RE OUT OF TOWN BECAUSE THEY HAVE A/C. --- before you all jump on that, the camper hasn't been serviced in ages and i don't think it'll be up for the trip honestly... AND ben hasn't ever driven it... i wonder how much it costs to rent a camper...

I'm not so worried about the heat really, except for sleeping in a tent at night and feeling gross so not sleeping (and with small kids it'll be extra awful) and nap times. The A/C in our car only works marginally well so i don't think it'll be very good for helping them to sleep during nap time....

any ideas??

Peas in a Pod

Happy Birthday Gregor Mendel. You're cool.

Most giantest sunflower ever!

i'm such a bad blogger these days. i keep hoping to get better at it or more interested in it but it's really not happening. I know i need to start posting more pictures and longer posts... but i feel like i'm fairly ADD right now and can't read more than  few sentences, let alone write more than few.

Let's see, what's new...
I have a new first cousin, once removed. Annabella Gallagher.  I have yet to meet her but she's super gorgeous in the photos i've seen.

I have a new niece, she has floppy ears, a cropped tail, and answers to the name "Freya".  Also, super gorgeous.

Also, my folks have a new pup (i guess he'd be my brother), Thor. He's like preacher's mini-me. All white and bull-doggy.

I rode my motorcycle to work for the first time today. Very nerve wracking. Let's see if i can safely get home from work and we'll look into making this a more common occurrence. Still not feeling super confident, but i think in my case, that's a good thing.

Ben also started seeing my (and Terri's) acupuncturist.  I'm super excited for him, and for us.

OH, and i turned 31. It was a very strange birthday. I feel like everything i set out to do didn't quite work out. I won't go into much detail, but there was a very fun moment where I walked 2 miles in a DELUGE in my new hat. it was probably the best moment of my birthday. I was sorry to not get to share it.  I also got to spend some good time with my favorite, j.  She and i had some good times and good talks... definitely needed talks.

All-in-all i'm feeling restless. I want to get up and go. change jobs, change states, change countries, move on... get up and go. I want adventure and life and movement...

have decided (recently) to give up coffee, ibuprofen (unless absolutely necessary), and buying alcohol for the house (the occasional beer drinking outting is fine).

i guess these are it for the updates. hope someone out there still reads this pathetic blog...

oh wednesday that feels like monday... and is stupid

I feel like doing something profoundly stupid...
also the inside of my head sounds like "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

and i hate stuff.

the grumpy depressed post...

I don't know what's wrong with me... (again).  It could just be today... being trapped inside on a beautiful day. Hating my job...

I'm day dreaming of greener pastures, the always greener kind. Trying to come up with various schemes to live a more exciting, international, worldly, intelligent life.

Feeling depressed about how horrible people are to each other and wanting to weep over it. I won't share why I feel this particular way except that I feel like I've heard the worst stories this week much of which has to do with work and the kinds of situations the mobile crisis team gets dispatched to.  One story in particular keeps creeping back into my head and it makes me want to scream and go crazy myself... (that story wasn't a mobile crisis story though, i think that one was on the news or something).

Maybe I just can't wait for the weekend to start... or maybe i'm just chemically imbalanced today... i didn't get much sleep last night. Stayed out late having a good time with the 'ecis at Rocket to Venus (our new thursday night post-trapeze haunt).  But I got up with Asa at 4 this morning and everything has that slightly too bright almost thick feeling about it... like i'm walking around in a dream...

The weekend promises to be a good one. Mike Roy and his beautiful family are coming to visit us for the first time.  Mike knew Ben back in the Berma days and still writes and produces his own stuff (extremely talented!).  We're hoping our kids hit it off and we might be able to pull off the double family vacation someday.

Casey and Andy (sister and brother-in-law) are also in town this weekend. Super excited for sister time. Andy's dad is fulfilling a life-long ambition to hike the AT and they're bringing him to the hollow for a night and a shower :).

And hopefully, considering my brother now lives in the area, there will be a massive amount of exploding things and food galore.

And then i only have one day of work next week, and then my birthday. the big 31... how did i get so old??

Does anyone else have an internal age? like when you picture yourself or listen to how you talk to yourself in your head? I think my internal age is 16...

I'd like it if i could cheer up before the big weekend fun hits... maybe i just need a good nights sleep... or a popsicle... or maybe just some shenanigans...

Coming soon: photo of libby in her matching motorcycle jacket and helmet... can't miss me, if you see me around DON'T HONK AT ME, i'll crash... and then you'll feel really bad.

Survival of the flighty-est

So i did it. i survived my first 7 day, single-parent stint!  And with bells on, to-boot!

Ben went to Arizona. Left last Tuesday at like 6am and came home last night around midnight. I have to admit, i was definitely tentative about him leaving but we both know he needed it and with all our talking about the desire for him or all of us to move abroad, or some strange arrangement, it makes  sense to test these single-parenting waters...

So anyway... it was exhausting. but it was also kind of awesome. There was no having to agree on things or having to divide my attention between kids and ben... it was actually supremely easy, or easier than i though at any rate. I hope i'm not tempting fate by saying all this... that would be really awful.

Anyhow, that's all i have time for as i'm off to ride around in a police car with a heavy-ass Kevlar vest on in hot, humid summer weather...

Summer mornings 2

Summer mornings

lame blogger that i am...

ok, so this year i've been very out of touch with this blog... mostly that's because things are reaching critical mass regularly... at least that's how it feels... and also because our internet access out the house is crap, and we've burned through like three very expensive wireless repeaters (extenders), any network geeks out there wanna come help me through this awfulness of living in the woods?

So let's see here:
not much is going on generally speaking. We're still trying to fatten Asa up, but seemingly to no avail. he's getting taller but still whip-it thin with a giant head.  Both kids just got over another sickness... who knows what sicknesses they have had at this point, i'm surprised there are still diseases in this universe my children have not yet contracted...

ben's same old as well, except now he's getting out once a week to wind-up space, or the korean bar around the corner from wind-up. You can find him in that neighborhood most tuesday nights shaking off the daddy-do-it-all blues.  He's going to AZ for a visit next week. leaving tuesday and coming back the following tuesday. So i'll be a single parent for a whole week. yippers!

work has been kicking my ass lately. i won't go into the details but basically it's a lot of work for very little reward (if any) and i hate it... so i'm trying to not stress but it's a Sisyphean feat.

i finally got my motorcycle out of the shop and on the road yesterday! yippie!!! so i'm a bad-ass motorcycle mama with a fringed leather jacket. look out hell's angels, here i come!  i'm still very scared and very new at riding so i'm sticking to back roads around my house for now. i'm hoping to start commuting to work in august maybe... we'll see how fast of a learner i am.

so aside from fantasizing about running away to Thailand or touring the continent on my new ride, i'm here... doing just the same... and trying to mind my manners.

Motorcycle mama

M

I spent the weekend getting acquainted with s curves, u-turns, counter balancing, counter steers, swerving, stopping, and shifting. And now I am an official graduate of the Basic Rider Motorcycle Safety course. Hopefully this week I will find the time to go to the mva and get my official M on the back of a shiny new license.

Anyone have or know of someone who has a Honda Rebel for sale? Preferably a 450, but a 250 will do...

Sent from my iPhone

ok. so i'm lame and don't post very often...

blame my extreme busy-ness, lack of internet at home, hating to type long passages on the iphone, and poor photo quality on iphone.  however. i'm one step closer to my easy rider stage of life. i passed the written motorcycle exam and take the riding exam on sunday. lookout motorized transportation world, libby's a-comin! (slowly, and safely, and with extra reflective gear, and only on backroads and empty parking lots)....

Manic Tuesday...

What did i do yesterday, you ask? Well. I baked a cake at like 8am. I cleaned the house, did laundry, made dish soap bubble juice and coat hanger bubble wands, i made a cardboard and duct tape play house, and i pulled everything out of the pantry, cleaned it, put in new shelves and drawers and put everything back in the clean pantry.  Yes... i'm crazy... it's been like ten years BLOG-face, haven't we established this already?

Oh yeah, and there's these too.

Oh, Ian Douglas Corey... how very much we owe you for photographically capturing our life for us since we're lazy and untalented with anything resembling a camera...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/iancorey/5700225424/in/set-72157626674566374/

just a terrible blogger

yes, i know. i'm an awful blogger. i feel like i was once good at it... and then well... or maybe regularly... become awful at keeping up with it. at writing what's going on with me, my family, my life...

Yes, you're not the only one who turtles up in times of crisis or not even crisis but maybe more of a depleted resources time.

Ok. So...
Mother's day was fantastic. in fact life is fantastic.
No seriously. Life is good. Ben and i are madly in love with each other and our children. And while not madly in love with life, not completely dissatisfied and fatalistic about it.

I started seeing Terri's recommended acupuncturist. it was more or less on a whim. I had been considering body work of some nature or another at the time. But wasn't sure what precisely i was looking for. And Terri raved about the woman she had been seeing. So i went. And, unlike me, did NOT research acupuncture at all.  (yes, i know, but shut up. I'm trying this new thing where i don't research things to death and i just try to remain open to experience).  And well, i'm working on parts of myself i have been working on for ages (or what feels like ages) and what i have traditionally had NO results in working on (my fatalistic nature, severe anxiety, trouble falling asleep, ruminating thoughts, anger management), i am changing. things are shifting. it's very, very amazing.  AND the super fantastic thing is, as i start to change and i start to shift, the things and people around me are starting to shift too.

SO... Back to mother's day weekend.  Saturday Ben and I (yes it took two of us) put training wheels on Esther's newly inherited two-wheeler. And then we took a picnic to the playground in New Freedom where we ate, played on the swings and watched Esther ride around the tennis courts like a bat out of hell purgatory.  She was super cute.  Fell down twice and once scraped her knees pretty bad but did not cry or even look like she wanted to cry. I am so proud!!!  Sunday,  I started the day with a happy and crazy Asa who i brought down to my bed as soon as i heard him awake, we sort of cuddled, sort of head-butted, and he sort of told very emphatic nonsense stories... then Esther woke up and we did our breakfast thing while Daddy slept in (a much needed sleep-in i may add as Asa was up half the night whining).  Once daddy woke up we had a fantastic breakfast of pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream. Then daddy and the kids played outside and did laundry and i cleaned the kitchen and made food for the week. Then i ran off to see a movie with Jesy and then we went to goodwill for some treasure hunting.  It was a very good visit with her. I feel like all too often i run around so crazy and so busy that i never enjoy where i am and who i'm with when i'm with them. I'm always looking to the next thing, the next day, the next person or headache. But i am trying to be more conscious about being present. And i hope that translates to visits with you too...  if it doesn't just grab me by the face and while looking forcefully into my eyes say "HEY, WHERE THE F--- ARE YOU???"

after goodwill i ran to meet my folks and ben and the kids for dinner at the mexican place near the movie theater.

Anyhow. good weekend.
maybe next post will be more photos about pretty babies and less about my fixes for my insanity. ... maybe...

The porch pot garden...

No not growing pot, just growing stuff IN pots. You see the peas are going gang busters. The pot closest to the camera is a mixed lettuce deal and the other ones are morning glories which I just got around to planting this week.

Funny face girls!

Smiling... Finally...

Geez mom!

Big girl

Stop looking at my dinner like that!

Am I eating a pan of meatballs with hot sauce and white wine for dinner??? YES I AM! (oh shut up, it's free range!)

Libby vs insomnia

And here we are again... Insomnia.
Ben took the kids this morning at 5am down to the eastern shore with his sister to visit their mom. I'm working the fairie festival all weekend and have to stay here.

And though, after a very long day of festival work, and despite being exhausted... I cannot sleep. I cannot turn off my brain. And there are other people sleeping in my house so I can't even watch movies or make tea or the like...

I don't understand this insanity of mine. My brain is constantly on overdrive. Over-anxious, over-emotional, over-stressed, over-guilty...

And I have an upset stomach. It's possibly a side effect of the anxiety of being away from ben and the little ones... But could also be the crap-load of junkfood I had for dinner.

So what now?

Sent from my iPhone

Can't buy me love... but he can buy me new chickens!

Ok. so i weeped...  and tried to be good and not whine, not blame, and not be a total bitch. And it must have worked because after an appropriate grieving period of 24 hours, Ben went to the O'Niel farm and bought three more hens and a rooster.

We now have, in addition to our two surviving Golden Wyandottes:
a Rhode Island Red (hen) -- her name is Foxy
a Plymouth Rock (hen)- i think? -- her name is Sylvia
an Ameraucana (hen) - i think?, she lays green eggs and has a beard -- her name is Bernadette the bearded lady
and I think our rooster is a Silver Laced Wyandotte -- His name is Sergeant York (or Yolk, depending on how punny you feel)

and yeesh is the Sergeant ever a loud bugger!

i'll post pics when i get some good ones.

Asa, My Kitchen Aid!

Yes, it's true. My small lad has inherited my penchant for knives... he likes to help me in the kitchen when chopping vegetables. So lately i've been giving him a butter knife (the non-serrated kind) and canned kidney beans. 

*sigh* ... apple< tree.

Asa Health Update (or How to Fatten up Your Kid)

So, i don't think i wrote anything about our visit with the Endocrinologist. We took Asa to see an Endocrinologist in a huge building in the city (part of the university i think).  Anyhow, he's too small... He's not on the chart. And yes, i am small, and yes he will be a small adult... but i guess he's still TOO small...

After a very long and stressful conversation with the endocrinologist (stressful because Ben can be... um...very... um...forceful when speaking with healthcare professionals) she ordered a chloride sweat test to be done to check for cystic fibrosis.  We're going back to the huge and insane building in downtown baltimore tomorrow for that test.  She also ordered some blood work to be done but not until July for some reason. In the mean time, we're supposed to be feeding him pediasure.  

Now, you all know me and my insane ideas about nutrition and what not. And my insane need to make my life more complicated than it already is... and my desire to do the complete opposite from what i am told... 

That said, i'm attempting to fatten up my boy (and girl too because we simply must be fair) with my own high calorie smoothie thingies.

Every morning (which now start at 6am) i get up and make said shakes.  Recipe:

1 cup Amazake (200 calories per 8oz)
1 cup high calorie plain greek yogurt (this one is 290 calories per 8oz)

1 tblspn agave nectar

enough frozen organic fruit of your choosing to fill the rest of the magic bullet container

If i call it a "milk shake" and tell them that it's bad for them they'll drink it. ;)

Fairie Festival

It's sneaking up on us... i'm not ready...
anyone coming? April 29-May1.
go to www.spoutwood.org/fairie-festival for more info...

weeping on the way to work...

something got four of our six chickens... we have two survivors...

Spring evenings

Sometimes I actually dread the evenings. The hustle and hassle of getting the kids to eat (nothing short of sitting on them and shoveling it in seems to work), cleaning up the related mess, bathing the kids (repeatedly dunking them in water until my ears are bleeding from the whining and crying), cleaning up the related mess, and putting them to sleep (also requires sitting on them)... But of late I've somehow, through nagging; cajoling; finagling; and favor promising gotten Ben into playing nightly games of chess.

Now, it's important to note here that I am distinctly NOT good at chess. I just happen to like it. I'm not exactly sure why I like it though. While playing, I can often be found tearing my hair our, breathing heavily through flared nostrils, and/or being extremely twitchy.

But I love it. And I get to play it. And it's awesome. Then we watch a couple episodes of The Mighty Boosh drink a beer or some wine and fall asleep peacefully.

Sent from my iPhone

Apathetic Week.

That's right folks! This week is Apathy Awareness week! Are you aware of your own apathy? i sure am.

Well at least when it comes to work anyhow. It's not that i'm not working, because i definitely am working. I am working my tail off... it's just that i don't seem to care any more. Which, when you work for a nonprofit that specializes in a historically under funded field, caring is about all you have going for you. Caring for the people you're helping, caring about the programs and projects and your co-workers... it is, after all, a cause.

But quite frankly, i don't care right now. I'm sure i'll care again some day... maybe tomorrow.  But for today, i keep casting longing glances over my shoulder and out the window into the hot and bright spring day on the other side... taunting me... sneering and jeering at my inability to enjoy it. stupid day...

I think we should have "sun days" like "snow days" - we should be able to cut out of work early on days as beautiful as today. what is wrong with our society??

Narcissistic me

Anyone else ever use a company called photoworks?  I used to use it a long time ago, ya know back when film cameras existed... anyhow, they're closing and all the digital photos they had stored for me needed to be transfered, and i forgot about most of these photos... anyhow... i found a bunch, and because i'm always a little uncomfortable sharing pics of other people without their permission (minus ben and the babies), here's a bunch of pictures of me... from january 2003... 

This is pretty awesome... (yes, another cop out cause i'm busy and i'm cold)

As Seen on Facebook

ok, so i totally realize that this is cheating. BUT, since some of you maybe, possibly, don't keep up with facebook and all it's horrors here's a bunch of photos i probably posted on facebook once upon a time. 

I also realized that i didn't mention on here (at least i don't think i did??) that we cut Esther's hair short. It was driving her crazy for a while and said she wanted it very short so we complied. And she's super adores-able.

Anyhow, here's a bunch of photos to keep you in the loop more or less until i can get my act together enough to write a decent post and keep up with the blog.

apology...

i just wanted to apologize for being so MIA these days. As we all know (because i've stated it innumerable times) March = not good... so i've been plugging along working a lot... and waiting as patiently as i possibly can (which isn't much) for spring.

spring is peeking up all over these last couple weeks though. And though i'm as bipolar as the weather, things are beginning to be a bit more promising. The kids are now going to bed at 8 rather than 7 since daylight savings (i refuse to acclimate them to the new time so shoot me) which opens up a wealth of social possibilities. Namely, we're starting up our weekly dinners with j&i again (sooooooo happy about this!). In light of my increasing lack of creativity, and busy schedules, and because they're driving to us every week so we can put the kiddos down to sleep and still hang with them after - we're implementing Fiesta Fridays!! (consisting of mexican cuisine - or as close to it as i can come-, and tequila... or not...)

Let's see... anything else new? not really... trying to prepare stock for our booth at fairie festival but also not really getting anything done, anxious for ben and my baby free get away april 17-18 (we're spending the night at a b&b in federal hill), and other than that working working working.

OH and my new 5 year plan has us moving to Africa in 3 years for a year or so...

Happy Heart

So, Asa's heart murmur is what they call innocent or functional. His heart is strong. He does not need to have antibiotic treatments or avoid activities. He will not need blood thinners or anything like that. He is a healthy wee man.

We have an appointment with a pediatric endocrinologist april 4th because he's so very small. We'll let you know how that goes.  Our pediatrician did call us with the blood test results and x-ray results and so far everything looks fine. No thyroid problems or anything like that. His skeletal age is 15 months. And though i read all about it on wikipedia i'm not sure i fully understand skeletal age vs. true age. It sounds like having a younger skeletal age means he will grow for longer so could potentially catch up to his peers by adulthood, but i'm not entirely sure.

Anyhow, we're breathing easier knowing he has a good heart.

however, i hate march. and we all have colds. COME ON APRIL!!!!

Cardboard and duct tape...

Poor kid