is it just me?

is it just me or have things been sort of off kilter of late? everyone i know seems to be feeling just a little off. And weird things keep happening, keys being locked in cars, people getting sick but seemingly just for a moment, sleeplessness and weird dreams, surreal moments...

Almost Boring-er-est

Check out my brother's blog. http://almostboring.tumblr.com/
(you get to see Asa on the can in the outhouse)

Ben's Bday Sooprise deets

Ben's 30th is coming up. I'm having a sooprise party for him on saturday the 8th. If it's a sooprise, why am i posting it here you ask? well, because he never reads the blog.

Anyhow, you're all invited:

When: Saturday 10/8/2011 7pm-9pm

Where: Patterson Lanes (duckpin bowling)
(it'll be $20 per person, but the snacks i bring will be free!)

Bring: yourself, someone else if you like them, beer if you want it (no hard liquor allowed), food if you want it.

I will be getting pizzas and bringing cupcakes.

see you there. e-mail me if you have questions.

dear work...

Dear Work,
  i hate you. don't get me wrong. i love having the haven of my office. i even love that the work i do has an impact on populations that could use an impact. and to be truthful, i do love some parts of you.  but taken as a whole, i hate you.

90% of what my job has been over the last 18 months isn't even what i was technically hired to do.  it was part of the package, i know. it was contingent on my taking a position here... i get that.  but that 90% i hate. and when reviewed on ONLY the 10% with the suggestion to DO MORE, i want to lose my freakin' mind!

also the 90% that i have busting ass over is constantly under fire. i'm sorry. i can only take so much... and for some reason today is not a day i can take much at all... who knows why.

so here we are... it feels like an impasse. it may not be... and i am (believe it or not) taking steps to make it not an impasse.  but i am looking at my life and considering running away to the philippines to get away from you. that's a really long way to go to run away from a JOB.  i've ran away from boyfriends and ex-boyfriends and enemies and my own past to places much much closer and yet, dear work, i feel the need to go to the completely opposite side of the world to escape you.  and why do you think that is? because when i leave here, i take any semblance of functionality with me. that is not a threat, it is simply that i am a lynch pin and partially out of spite and partially because i just cant take the pressure, i want to remove myself... and let it fall apart. it would be satisfying and the relief i imagine i would feel i cannot even describe.

so i'm hiding.  door closed. breathing deeply. trying not to "take it so personally" as you say... because hell, it's just what i've dedicated 1,954 hours of my life to. i'll try really hard to not take it so personally.

f.u.
-L

Esther's summer adventures

pictures courtesy of Oma. Thanks Oma!!

Pictures of my Fellas and food.

Took Asa out for the biggest cookie we could find after getting a shot and blood drawn at the pediatricians

That's him saying "HUUUUUUGE"

Thanks Oma for the Panera gift card that made this event possible. I'd also like to add he only ate about 3 bites of the cookie before he got sugared out. sooooo mommy had to eat it.

We changed things around a bit this year and instead of my mom watching the kids wednesdays so both ben and i can work, we have asked her to watch our kids one time a week for a couple hours so we can go out, or stay in, or make out, or make... in?

We splurged on our first two dates and ate out. Our first date was to A-town bar where we bought big bottles of beer and two greasy sandwiches and drove to the river to eat them in the back of the pick up. The second was a bit more classy at Tokoyo Diner where we ate a LITERAL BOAT LOAD of sushi (man, i kill me!) I think this week we'll go all out and stay at home folding laundry and arguing. 

Pictures from Libby's Summer Adventures

The first derby match i ever saw - actually this is them warming up - Atlanta roller girls

lounging in a pool in Decatur, GA (for like 8 hours straight)

amazing spider in K's garden

Weird kitchen gadget i bought for K at an antique store

My not-so-mild-mannered-alter-ego having morning joe

K, trying not to blush

K, blushing

Saving the day in urban Decatur, GA... 

reliving our youth... 

Asa in Pittsburgh, PA they got their faces painted at the Carrick Corn festival. THANKS TITA!!

Waiting for the Atlanta Roller girls to play the NC Roller girls

Still waiting, but sooooo cute while doin' so.

why won't this damn thing work???

The Atlanta Rumble B's waiting to kick ass!

Visiting our Uncle and Aunt and three awesome kids in Blufton, SC 

We really were conjoined twins in some past life i think.

The Techno-shuffle

so last night a VERY exciting thing happened to me. Ben, my mom, myself, and the munchkins went to the Tapulanga Foundation Fundraiser (yes, this is the foundation that i'm hoping to help write grants for and would take our little family on a temporary hiatus to the Philippines for a matter of months...).  As a part of the fundraiser they had a raffle and yours truly WON an ipad2 16gb.  I KNOW, RIGHT??? 

anyhow. Although being SORELY tempted to keep it, i'm considering selling it and using the profit to 1) purchase a ZTE Peel and monthly fee ($29.99 contract free) to upgrade ben's itouch to an anywhere txting machine (and wifi hotspot) and 2) upgrading my iphone 3g to something grander -- keep your fingers crossed that when the iphone 5 comes out the 4g goes down in price significantly.

any advice??

new favorite online shopping!

Kaufman Mercantile
Appree
MoMa Store

(or should i say "window" shopping i can't afford anything...)

the slow and painful blogging failure...

I just want to justify why i don't post much any more and when i do they're lame... this may seem defensive on my part (it is), but i really just want you to know that i do care (mostly) and i'm sorry (sort of) for not posting more often:

stresses of posting...
1) no internet at home (at mom & dad's home next door, yes, at our house several feet away, NO... stupid)
2) my iphone is becoming increasingly slower so i don't update from there very much, also typing on there gives me thumb cramps
3) i don't take photos... and even when i do, they suck
4) i usually post at work (like right now) but work is also quite busy these days and one day i'll probably be reprimanded for it, though i consider it the new "smoke break" considering i don't smoke anymore.

Happy Anniversary to my blog!

It's been over six years now. Started 8/20/2005.  And while an awful lot has changed since then... most of the changing these days is being done by my crazy-gorgeous, creative, intense, and oh-so-violent kiddos.

so anyhow. happy anniversary.

Come-on Irene...

so... how'd everyone do?

We're on day 2 without power and will likely be out power all week according to BG&E. No biggie. We've got the outhouse and the spring. We'll be entertaining ourselves by eating everything in the freezer all week...

I came to work today with all our empty water bottles to fill up and take home. We may need to go to my brother's house tomorrow so we can all shower... though, i'm considering just taking some soap (yes, eco-friendly-style) to the res. and just scrubbing the kids clean there.

I'm also charging all of our electronics here at work today so that we don't go crazy without our digital-video-child-restraining-device and cell phone.

And... well... i guess that's it. I'll let you know how we fair after day 7 no power...

sleepy monkeys... and superman

Look Out Atlanta!

Did i tell you i'm going to atlanta this weekend? i didn't? Well, guess what! i'm going to atlanta this weekend!

Two of my bestest friends (and heros) from college live in atlanta.  It's been far too long since i've seen them and i miss them somethin' awful.  I'm a terrible long-distance keeper-in-toucher.  I really don't like talking on the phone, though maybe if my children stopped shouting and running around like maniacs TIMES TEN when i'm on the phone it'd be easier... But seriously, i suck.  I try to write letters, like pen to paper, stamps and the usps style letters... but after about two cards into a new pack of stationary i end up stopping because i'm too busy or i forget who's turn it is or i lose the stationary... and e-mail is usually fairly consistent... but still, things get away from me and i just stop... so the only real way to talk to me seems to be in person or over gchat when i'm trying to avoid more productive forms of being...

Anyhow, this is going to be a fan-freakin'-tastic weekend.  Both H and K play on roller derby teams and they are both playing in bouts back to back on Saturday so i'm super psyched that i get to see them both play.  And other than that we're going to catch up on each others lives, drink a bunch of beers, and hang out. Oh, and i'm going to sleep past 6am.

Yippeeeeeee!!

Oh. these are my fantastic friends:

Aeon Flex

Agent Maulder
and be sure to check out the Atlanta Rollergirls

restless

i wanna buy this and take the kids on a very long road trip to places where the sky is bigger than it is here... where we will see no one, swim in every marginally clean water source we can find, sit around fires in the evenings, sleep in a big heaping pile, forget about money and responsibility...

Today just will NOT end...

Oh-my-flaming-hell, the day just will not for-the-life-of-it END...

Stop toying with me you stupid clocks!!!!!!!!!

what's wrong with me:

i want to make this a list of things that are wrong with me... but i'm not sure my brain is organized enough today to actually make a list... i know, i know, i hear you thinking "Libby, not make lists???!!! quick someone call a medic!!!"

but seriously... i'm a crazy person. have i told you that before? i am... i'm crazy.

i can't wait for summer to be over... and yes, months ago i couldn't wait for the weather to be warm...
is there a place in the world where it's perpetually fall?? i wanna live there.

soooo. let's see... where was i... oh, right. crazy.  aside from feeling supremely disorganized (despite the wall and left half of my desk at work being COVERED in sticky notes), i'm also feeling supremely dissatisfied... with what, you ask? well, EVERY-FREAKING-THING.

work is a bugger... i hate the emr. i hate having to smooth feathers... i'm not a feather-smoother, just ask my kids... i'm mostly a numbers in columns and rows and "isn't that pattern interesting" person.

my husband wants to move to japan... probably without me and the kids...

and i can't seem to eat/cook/freeze/can the super influx of veg in our house which makes me feel ridiculously guilty...

also, the araucana chicken has stopped laying eggs because we took her clutch away and now she's depressed and mad at me...

sigh. i know... i'm a whiner. i'm sorry... i'll shut up now.

Our new kitty

My little princesses

Yay for Change!

"Affordable Care Act Ensures Women Receive Preventive Services at No Additional Cost"
to read the whole article, go here...
http://www.hhs.gov/news/press/2011pres/08/20110801b.html

philippines?

 I just e-mailed my 3rd cousin (????) on my maternal grandmother's side to see if she has any open teaching positions at her school in the Philippines...

in your face... with a face...

this is the expression i make when someone says "look sexy"... funny, huh. i guess in my mind, sexy and vapid are somehow tied together.

To camp or not to camp...

We're supposed to go camping in Cunningham Falls this weekend. The kids' first ever camping trip. I have been really looking forward to this. But now, we're being thwarted by a major HEAT WAVE!

Can i just say that i hate heat waves. HATE them. Despite being one of the many people who suffer from seasonal depression disorder and get the winter blues, i actually love winter. I love snow. I even love feeling cold... well, more like, i like feeling cozy when it's cold out. Winter backpacking, rocks! Even when you wake up and you're too afraid to take off the three pairs of socks you have on because it feels like your toes have fused together and are probably black and about to fall off from frost bite and it stings just to look in the general direction of your feet let alone walk on them...

So... do we go camping in the heat? or do we cancel the reservation, take the financial hit (have to pay for tonight and a cancellation fee because it's so close to our arrival) and spend the weekend at home, upstairs, in the kids room because it's the only place that has A/C...

OR MAYBE!! WE COULD HIJACK MOM AND DAD'S CAMPER WHILE THEY'RE OUT OF TOWN BECAUSE THEY HAVE A/C. --- before you all jump on that, the camper hasn't been serviced in ages and i don't think it'll be up for the trip honestly... AND ben hasn't ever driven it... i wonder how much it costs to rent a camper...

I'm not so worried about the heat really, except for sleeping in a tent at night and feeling gross so not sleeping (and with small kids it'll be extra awful) and nap times. The A/C in our car only works marginally well so i don't think it'll be very good for helping them to sleep during nap time....

any ideas??

Peas in a Pod

Happy Birthday Gregor Mendel. You're cool.

Most giantest sunflower ever!

i'm such a bad blogger these days. i keep hoping to get better at it or more interested in it but it's really not happening. I know i need to start posting more pictures and longer posts... but i feel like i'm fairly ADD right now and can't read more than  few sentences, let alone write more than few.

Let's see, what's new...
I have a new first cousin, once removed. Annabella Gallagher.  I have yet to meet her but she's super gorgeous in the photos i've seen.

I have a new niece, she has floppy ears, a cropped tail, and answers to the name "Freya".  Also, super gorgeous.

Also, my folks have a new pup (i guess he'd be my brother), Thor. He's like preacher's mini-me. All white and bull-doggy.

I rode my motorcycle to work for the first time today. Very nerve wracking. Let's see if i can safely get home from work and we'll look into making this a more common occurrence. Still not feeling super confident, but i think in my case, that's a good thing.

Ben also started seeing my (and Terri's) acupuncturist.  I'm super excited for him, and for us.

OH, and i turned 31. It was a very strange birthday. I feel like everything i set out to do didn't quite work out. I won't go into much detail, but there was a very fun moment where I walked 2 miles in a DELUGE in my new hat. it was probably the best moment of my birthday. I was sorry to not get to share it.  I also got to spend some good time with my favorite, j.  She and i had some good times and good talks... definitely needed talks.

All-in-all i'm feeling restless. I want to get up and go. change jobs, change states, change countries, move on... get up and go. I want adventure and life and movement...

have decided (recently) to give up coffee, ibuprofen (unless absolutely necessary), and buying alcohol for the house (the occasional beer drinking outting is fine).

i guess these are it for the updates. hope someone out there still reads this pathetic blog...

oh wednesday that feels like monday... and is stupid

I feel like doing something profoundly stupid...
also the inside of my head sounds like "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

and i hate stuff.

the grumpy depressed post...

I don't know what's wrong with me... (again).  It could just be today... being trapped inside on a beautiful day. Hating my job...

I'm day dreaming of greener pastures, the always greener kind. Trying to come up with various schemes to live a more exciting, international, worldly, intelligent life.

Feeling depressed about how horrible people are to each other and wanting to weep over it. I won't share why I feel this particular way except that I feel like I've heard the worst stories this week much of which has to do with work and the kinds of situations the mobile crisis team gets dispatched to.  One story in particular keeps creeping back into my head and it makes me want to scream and go crazy myself... (that story wasn't a mobile crisis story though, i think that one was on the news or something).

Maybe I just can't wait for the weekend to start... or maybe i'm just chemically imbalanced today... i didn't get much sleep last night. Stayed out late having a good time with the 'ecis at Rocket to Venus (our new thursday night post-trapeze haunt).  But I got up with Asa at 4 this morning and everything has that slightly too bright almost thick feeling about it... like i'm walking around in a dream...

The weekend promises to be a good one. Mike Roy and his beautiful family are coming to visit us for the first time.  Mike knew Ben back in the Berma days and still writes and produces his own stuff (extremely talented!).  We're hoping our kids hit it off and we might be able to pull off the double family vacation someday.

Casey and Andy (sister and brother-in-law) are also in town this weekend. Super excited for sister time. Andy's dad is fulfilling a life-long ambition to hike the AT and they're bringing him to the hollow for a night and a shower :).

And hopefully, considering my brother now lives in the area, there will be a massive amount of exploding things and food galore.

And then i only have one day of work next week, and then my birthday. the big 31... how did i get so old??

Does anyone else have an internal age? like when you picture yourself or listen to how you talk to yourself in your head? I think my internal age is 16...

I'd like it if i could cheer up before the big weekend fun hits... maybe i just need a good nights sleep... or a popsicle... or maybe just some shenanigans...

Coming soon: photo of libby in her matching motorcycle jacket and helmet... can't miss me, if you see me around DON'T HONK AT ME, i'll crash... and then you'll feel really bad.

Survival of the flighty-est

So i did it. i survived my first 7 day, single-parent stint!  And with bells on, to-boot!

Ben went to Arizona. Left last Tuesday at like 6am and came home last night around midnight. I have to admit, i was definitely tentative about him leaving but we both know he needed it and with all our talking about the desire for him or all of us to move abroad, or some strange arrangement, it makes  sense to test these single-parenting waters...

So anyway... it was exhausting. but it was also kind of awesome. There was no having to agree on things or having to divide my attention between kids and ben... it was actually supremely easy, or easier than i though at any rate. I hope i'm not tempting fate by saying all this... that would be really awful.

Anyhow, that's all i have time for as i'm off to ride around in a police car with a heavy-ass Kevlar vest on in hot, humid summer weather...

Summer mornings 2

Summer mornings

lame blogger that i am...

ok, so this year i've been very out of touch with this blog... mostly that's because things are reaching critical mass regularly... at least that's how it feels... and also because our internet access out the house is crap, and we've burned through like three very expensive wireless repeaters (extenders), any network geeks out there wanna come help me through this awfulness of living in the woods?

So let's see here:
not much is going on generally speaking. We're still trying to fatten Asa up, but seemingly to no avail. he's getting taller but still whip-it thin with a giant head.  Both kids just got over another sickness... who knows what sicknesses they have had at this point, i'm surprised there are still diseases in this universe my children have not yet contracted...

ben's same old as well, except now he's getting out once a week to wind-up space, or the korean bar around the corner from wind-up. You can find him in that neighborhood most tuesday nights shaking off the daddy-do-it-all blues.  He's going to AZ for a visit next week. leaving tuesday and coming back the following tuesday. So i'll be a single parent for a whole week. yippers!

work has been kicking my ass lately. i won't go into the details but basically it's a lot of work for very little reward (if any) and i hate it... so i'm trying to not stress but it's a Sisyphean feat.

i finally got my motorcycle out of the shop and on the road yesterday! yippie!!! so i'm a bad-ass motorcycle mama with a fringed leather jacket. look out hell's angels, here i come!  i'm still very scared and very new at riding so i'm sticking to back roads around my house for now. i'm hoping to start commuting to work in august maybe... we'll see how fast of a learner i am.

so aside from fantasizing about running away to Thailand or touring the continent on my new ride, i'm here... doing just the same... and trying to mind my manners.

Motorcycle mama

M

I spent the weekend getting acquainted with s curves, u-turns, counter balancing, counter steers, swerving, stopping, and shifting. And now I am an official graduate of the Basic Rider Motorcycle Safety course. Hopefully this week I will find the time to go to the mva and get my official M on the back of a shiny new license.

Anyone have or know of someone who has a Honda Rebel for sale? Preferably a 450, but a 250 will do...

Sent from my iPhone

ok. so i'm lame and don't post very often...

blame my extreme busy-ness, lack of internet at home, hating to type long passages on the iphone, and poor photo quality on iphone.  however. i'm one step closer to my easy rider stage of life. i passed the written motorcycle exam and take the riding exam on sunday. lookout motorized transportation world, libby's a-comin! (slowly, and safely, and with extra reflective gear, and only on backroads and empty parking lots)....

Manic Tuesday...

What did i do yesterday, you ask? Well. I baked a cake at like 8am. I cleaned the house, did laundry, made dish soap bubble juice and coat hanger bubble wands, i made a cardboard and duct tape play house, and i pulled everything out of the pantry, cleaned it, put in new shelves and drawers and put everything back in the clean pantry.  Yes... i'm crazy... it's been like ten years BLOG-face, haven't we established this already?

Oh yeah, and there's these too.

Oh, Ian Douglas Corey... how very much we owe you for photographically capturing our life for us since we're lazy and untalented with anything resembling a camera...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/iancorey/5700225424/in/set-72157626674566374/

just a terrible blogger

yes, i know. i'm an awful blogger. i feel like i was once good at it... and then well... or maybe regularly... become awful at keeping up with it. at writing what's going on with me, my family, my life...

Yes, you're not the only one who turtles up in times of crisis or not even crisis but maybe more of a depleted resources time.

Ok. So...
Mother's day was fantastic. in fact life is fantastic.
No seriously. Life is good. Ben and i are madly in love with each other and our children. And while not madly in love with life, not completely dissatisfied and fatalistic about it.

I started seeing Terri's recommended acupuncturist. it was more or less on a whim. I had been considering body work of some nature or another at the time. But wasn't sure what precisely i was looking for. And Terri raved about the woman she had been seeing. So i went. And, unlike me, did NOT research acupuncture at all.  (yes, i know, but shut up. I'm trying this new thing where i don't research things to death and i just try to remain open to experience).  And well, i'm working on parts of myself i have been working on for ages (or what feels like ages) and what i have traditionally had NO results in working on (my fatalistic nature, severe anxiety, trouble falling asleep, ruminating thoughts, anger management), i am changing. things are shifting. it's very, very amazing.  AND the super fantastic thing is, as i start to change and i start to shift, the things and people around me are starting to shift too.

SO... Back to mother's day weekend.  Saturday Ben and I (yes it took two of us) put training wheels on Esther's newly inherited two-wheeler. And then we took a picnic to the playground in New Freedom where we ate, played on the swings and watched Esther ride around the tennis courts like a bat out of hell purgatory.  She was super cute.  Fell down twice and once scraped her knees pretty bad but did not cry or even look like she wanted to cry. I am so proud!!!  Sunday,  I started the day with a happy and crazy Asa who i brought down to my bed as soon as i heard him awake, we sort of cuddled, sort of head-butted, and he sort of told very emphatic nonsense stories... then Esther woke up and we did our breakfast thing while Daddy slept in (a much needed sleep-in i may add as Asa was up half the night whining).  Once daddy woke up we had a fantastic breakfast of pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream. Then daddy and the kids played outside and did laundry and i cleaned the kitchen and made food for the week. Then i ran off to see a movie with Jesy and then we went to goodwill for some treasure hunting.  It was a very good visit with her. I feel like all too often i run around so crazy and so busy that i never enjoy where i am and who i'm with when i'm with them. I'm always looking to the next thing, the next day, the next person or headache. But i am trying to be more conscious about being present. And i hope that translates to visits with you too...  if it doesn't just grab me by the face and while looking forcefully into my eyes say "HEY, WHERE THE F--- ARE YOU???"

after goodwill i ran to meet my folks and ben and the kids for dinner at the mexican place near the movie theater.

Anyhow. good weekend.
maybe next post will be more photos about pretty babies and less about my fixes for my insanity. ... maybe...

The porch pot garden...

No not growing pot, just growing stuff IN pots. You see the peas are going gang busters. The pot closest to the camera is a mixed lettuce deal and the other ones are morning glories which I just got around to planting this week.

Funny face girls!

Smiling... Finally...

Geez mom!

Big girl

Stop looking at my dinner like that!

Am I eating a pan of meatballs with hot sauce and white wine for dinner??? YES I AM! (oh shut up, it's free range!)

Libby vs insomnia

And here we are again... Insomnia.
Ben took the kids this morning at 5am down to the eastern shore with his sister to visit their mom. I'm working the fairie festival all weekend and have to stay here.

And though, after a very long day of festival work, and despite being exhausted... I cannot sleep. I cannot turn off my brain. And there are other people sleeping in my house so I can't even watch movies or make tea or the like...

I don't understand this insanity of mine. My brain is constantly on overdrive. Over-anxious, over-emotional, over-stressed, over-guilty...

And I have an upset stomach. It's possibly a side effect of the anxiety of being away from ben and the little ones... But could also be the crap-load of junkfood I had for dinner.

So what now?

Sent from my iPhone

Can't buy me love... but he can buy me new chickens!

Ok. so i weeped...  and tried to be good and not whine, not blame, and not be a total bitch. And it must have worked because after an appropriate grieving period of 24 hours, Ben went to the O'Niel farm and bought three more hens and a rooster.

We now have, in addition to our two surviving Golden Wyandottes:
a Rhode Island Red (hen) -- her name is Foxy
a Plymouth Rock (hen)- i think? -- her name is Sylvia
an Ameraucana (hen) - i think?, she lays green eggs and has a beard -- her name is Bernadette the bearded lady
and I think our rooster is a Silver Laced Wyandotte -- His name is Sergeant York (or Yolk, depending on how punny you feel)

and yeesh is the Sergeant ever a loud bugger!

i'll post pics when i get some good ones.

Asa, My Kitchen Aid!

Yes, it's true. My small lad has inherited my penchant for knives... he likes to help me in the kitchen when chopping vegetables. So lately i've been giving him a butter knife (the non-serrated kind) and canned kidney beans. 

*sigh* ... apple< tree.