Heart of My Heart

So we went to Birth Care Midwife Center lastnight... oh it was awesome. It's a trailer in Pennsylvania... okay that's not quite true. And they're moving in the next month to a new location which is supposedly bigger AND they have birthing pools. But right now it looks like a trailer on a farm. But they are super awesome people. We got to hear the babys heart beat!!!

Here let me reenact the scene for you:

Jill the RN: now don't be dissapointed if we don't hear the heart beat, you're only 11 weeks along and it wouldn't be surprising if we didn't. okay?
Libby: Okay... But we're gunna try right.
Jill: Right
(Ben is sitting at the end of the table watching her squirt blue jelly on my tummy and feel around for the baby)

She takes the little sensor thinger and as soon as it touches my belly we hear *choo choo choo choo choo choo choo*

Jill: that's it that's the baby. Wow, that's a first. Usually we don't hear it right away. That is a good strong heart beat. Uh-oh, he's swimmin' away.
(we all hold our breath while she moves the sensor thing around a bit looking for the heart beat)

*choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo* and in the background * wooooooosh..................... woooooooooooosh..........* (that's my heart beat) it sounds like a little tiny train driving along the beach (my heart beat being the ocean and the baby being the little train).

well i'm crying by this point or leaking at the eyes at least. And Ben is squeezing my hand...and there it is our little baby with it's super strong heart beat....



So on the ride home (it's an hour and a half from mom and dads) we drive right into an amazing thunderstorm and we're watching the big fat rain drops splatter everywhere and dodging the frogs in the road... and every couple of minutes one of us turns to the other and says "choo choo choo choo choo"

And we decide to start calling the baby Lou so as to not genderize it yet cause we inadvertantly keep saying "he"

Monday-ne!

I'm being really horrible and drinking hot chocolate, but i blame it on daylight savings.
I agree with Jen, Daylight savings sucks. I had to pinch myself to stay awake on the beltway this morning.

We started on the little house this weekend. I took a few pictures that i promise to post when i get my act together and get over to my Fatherinlaws in order to get the camera cable. It was quite a lot of work, and let me tell you I am a lucky, lucky girl to have Ben-The-Machine for a husband... well when it comes to hard labor that is... the boy is unreal!

So saturday and sunday found us covered in fiberglass insulation grossness and squirrel crap. I had to call it quits around 3pm both days because i couldn't stay awake any longer.

Today at 7 is our first baby check up with the ladies at Birth Care in Quarryville. I'll let you know how it goes, i'm hoping we'll get to hear the baby's heart beat.

Something Smells Good

The office is being permeated by someone's mocha coffee drink and it smells so good i could sniff it out and drink it for them.

List of Things I can't have:
Coffee and Caffinated things
Alcohol (even though my father-in-law swears up and down that a little wine is good for the blood and that gweneth paltrow or some tall blonde actor lady drank stout while she was pregnant because it's a good source of iron)
Cigarettes
Meat (mostly just cause it makes me nauseas, this kid might be a vegetarian)
too much sugar (according to "what to expect when you're expecting")
dairy (cause alergy season is coming up and it makes me super snotty, not cause the baby)

List of Things I can't do:
Wrestle
drive crazy
stay up past 9pm (mostly cause i'm incapable of it, this kid might also be a narcoleptic)
go running (cause when you get knocked up your boobs grow and grow and grow and hurt and hurt and hurt)
Be in situations that require me to have a whole lot of patience (maybe it's just an excuse, but since i found out i'm pregnant my fuse has been shortened to microscopic proportions and everyone has suddenly become an idiot--- sorry if i've lost my temper with anyone lately (poor Ben especially), i don't mean it at all, i'm just a nut job)
Watch/listen/talk about anyone killing or hurting babies (any kind of babies, if i see someone eating veal i'll probably start crying)
Go 20minutes without having to pee.

*Not one of you that reads this is pregnant, and i'm sure i'm boring the pants off of most of you. And... I am completely aware that since this whole thing started I haven't seemed to be able to talk about much more than the weird gross things that are happening to my body, how much i have to pee and babies. I would like to apologize to all of you. I'd also like to say, this isn't likely to stop any time soon.

Daylight Schmaylight

Guess what this weekend is, sunday to be exact... that's right Daylight savings time.

You know, in Arizona they don't believe in Daylight savings time... If i didn't know better i'd say Arizona really had their shit together... but in the end it's just the Daylight savings time thing they're right about.

So my fellow rest of the US excluding Arizona (which, ironically, is where most of my readers are) don't forget to set your clock forward saturday night before going to bed.

Is today Monday?

Today feels longer than the rest of the week put together.

Watching the News

I was watching the news this morning while eating my breakfast of brown rice, two fried eggs and fried plantains and as it would have it they did a piece on the new rage in births.

It seems that 10% of C-sections these days are for convenience NOT due to medical necesity. America has the highest rate of C-section births in the world.

They interviewed a woman who had all her children via C-section because she did not want to have trouble peeing after a vaginal birth!!!! She'd much rather have major abdominal surgery!!!! The really messed up thing is, SHE'S AN OB!!!!!!!!

I would just like to say: WHAT IN HOLY HELL IS THIS WORLD COMING TO????!!!!!!!!!

Women who stop their menstral cycle because it's an inconvenience. Women who SCHEDULE when their baby is born so that they don't have to deal with the inconvenience of labor and recovery.

THIS IS WHAT OUR BODIES WERE DESIGNED TO DO!!!!

oh... and just for the record there have been some (though not extensive) studies about children who were C-sections and children who were vaginal and how their birth effected them. They're may be a coorelation between C-sections and certain mental disabilities.... (again i don't know how reliable this is so don't quote me on it).

Perhaps i'm just so worked up about this because there's a little human inside me that will have to come out some day and I fully intend on doing it the best most natural way possible. As a mother nothing is convenient or about what's best or easiest for you, it's about that little person you hope beyond all hope will out live you.

Rowen,
I too am outraged, appalled, enraged, etc over this. Such utter crap! I am fucking proud and empowered to be female, to bleed, to be a woman, to be able to give life.

Our disconnection from ourselves is disgusting! I refuse to have any part of it!

i've been tagged, actually i was tagged like two weeks ago and haven't gotten around to it until now.

3 things you wish for (just for you)
~ that the little house will be done before October
~ that spring will hurry up and get here already
~ that everything will go smoothly with the pregnancy, birth and every after

3 things you would do to/for yourself if there was no one to judge you (or if you had the guts to do it!)
~ cover my whole body in tattoos (but i'd probably get bored with it too quickly)
~ I can't think of anything else
~

3 bad habits you have
~ I smoked until i found out i was pregnant. I don't know if this is the end for good or not but i think about cigarettes sometimes still.
~ I crave/love with all my heart cheese despite my allergies and snottiness
~ I tend to get really mad at other drivers and can't seem to let it go until i get to where i'm going.


3 talents/skills you wish you had
~ supreme flexibility (Contortionist style), no real reason for this but i always thought it was cool.
~ being able to grow large amazing fruits and vegetables seemingly without effort.
~ excellent sight and hearing. I always wanted to be like one of the old tracker guides in old movies about Danny Boon or someone.


3 things that you would do if you had more time
~ clean out the back of my truck
~ turn over the garden
~ go to the library

3 things that bring you peace/relaxation
~ good food
~ camping/backpacking/climbing/kayaking/etc
~ reading/writing

3 things that spark your creativity
~ reading/writing
~ listening to Ben play/sing
~ hot baths

HOLY CRAP!

I just received word that I've won first place in Alligator Juniper's Literary Journal Creative Nonfiction contest.

I get $125.00

and

I am going to be PUBLISHED!!!

For those of you who have a copy of my book it's for Belle of the Ball. For those of you who don't, I'm really sorry i promise to get you a copy soon, it costs a lot to make copies and I haven't gotten around to doing them yet. I do promise to get you one though, just keep bugging me.

Kirstin -- Congrats on getting your photo published too!!!!!!!!

Fatty Fatkins

i just went a little hog wild internet shopping.

Being forced to live out of a small duffle bag of clothes for 4 months, you would think one would want to get RID of things, however, not the case.

I am slowly coming to the conculsion that my work clothes aren't quite worky enough... most everything i own has holes, paint, food stains, or all three. As much as i don't really want to admit it, my grungy days are being put on temporary hold or at least restrained to cell phone hours (evenings and weekends).

Also, as i was making these purchases, i decided to buy a pair of jeans one size too big to accomodate my growing-ness. Despite all my feeling fat and the slow tightening of the waists of my pants, i still only weigh 98lbs. It'll be interesting to see how long that lasts, i give it a week.

Jes, can i borrow those give-away jeans for a bit? i'll give them back in a year or so.

I think this weekend, since it'll most likely be raining, will find me going through the various boxes and bags of clothing in reserve and hauling them off to goodwill. Anyone want give-aways?

Tonight is guy night which means, yes, you guessed it: Ben, Dad, Rex (ben's dad) and Casey (ben's brother) are all headed to the Eklo Inn (scarey red-neck bar) for a night of bad beer and schmoozing. And I, the prego-wife-o will be all alone in the big house we're house-sitting in with the gi-normous bathtub and the book I am desperate to finish. Poor me.

I wouldn't mind if i woke up tomorrow and it was April. March is such a silly month, it's like Tuesday (not as bad as monday but still the beginning of the week).

Come-ON spring! I double-dog-dare you to show your face and make it all warm, green, and growing.

FIRSTLY AND IN OTHER BABY NEWS:

Thanks for voting everyone. You had me a little worried there when i didn't get any response for a bit. Turns out i didn't realize it was spring break in so many places.

It looks like our winners are:
Calder Lee
Ada Rae

We have set up our first appointment with the birthcenter in Quarryville for April 4th. Rowen, is it common for midwives to not see clients until their 12th week?

Everything is moving along smoothly. I'm still tired but haven't felt the least bit queasy in a long while. My belly is starting to change, although not quite show. I have a little pooch that is rock hard and i can't suck in.

WEEKEND UPDATE:

So this past weekend was jam-packed full of stuff. All fun stuff, but for some reason when all you want to do is sleep everything feels like an obligation when you're preparing for it.

Saturday morning Mom, Dad, Ben and I went to the bagel shop to alleviate my week-long bagel craving and then we went to the hardware store for the oh-so-necessary power tools. Mom got her first circular saw and a work bench which she promptly set up in her studio. Ben and I got a wire brush head and enamel for the Isuzu where the Baltimore County School Bus kissed us. We also got sandpaper for the desk i'm refinishing.

Then it was to home with Mom and I while Ben and Dad went to work and the tax guy's place. Mom and I made food (Chilaquillas) to take to Oa's (my grandmother's) house that night for the March Birthday party extravaganza. Ben and Dad came home and Ben and I napped for a bit and then i woke up whining about how sick of cold i am. Then I got up and Mom and I packed up the food and we drove down to silver spring to her mom's to visit with her family.

My cousin Rachel's (who is briefly back in the States after a year in Africa) boyfriend (who she met while she was over there and is an austrailian, ex-military, civilian de-miner in Sudan) is in town and was introduced to the family during our little march circus. It was an evening full of wrestling, gorging ourselves, and dirty joke telling about nuns. Poor Richard.

Sunday Richard and Rachel came over for brunch/lunch. We had bagels, fruit, chocolate, almonds, and tea. We chatted about everywhere they had traveled, about how they met (at a UN meeting). We goofed off and sat in the sun. Jes and Ian came and hung out as well.

Ian, Ben, Richard and Rachel decided to take a walk in the woods and didn't invite Jes and I so Jes and I dressed up in camo, filled our pockets with walnuts and stalked them. We ambushed them on the old fire road by the dog graves and i accidentally hit Richard on the head with a walnut... oops! poor Richard.

Everyone left around 4ish and then Mom, Dad, Ben and I went over to Nina and Spiders (my sort of serogate grandparents on my father's side). When we arrived there were 17 deer in their backyard which you could see from the picture window in their living room. It looked like they were raising them. We ate chinese food and bitched about the state of the country and the idiots who run it. It was lovely.

Then it was home to sleep and wonder where the time had gone.

Anyone have an extra 6K or a used one of these?

Interesting

So it looks like no one really cares what we name the baby... that's cool. Don't read my blog... i don't care...

Harumph.

Taking a Poll

Here is a list of names we are considering for the kid.

Girls:
Ada Rae
(lots of different spellings on this one: Aida, Adah, Rae, Ray, Rey)
Hunter Leigh
Holiday (I haven't actually asked Ben about this one yet)
Adeline (instead of Ada)

Boys:
Jamsie Blue
Hunter Lee
Owen Lee
Calder Lee
Calder Owen

Please click the comment link below to put in your vote.

Hissy Fit.

After a lot of crying, screaming, kicking, walking in the woods, writing, talking, lying in bed and staring at the ceiling this weekend we've decided to not move into the little white house on york road.

On Friday the landlord lady called me and said it would be not one week but two more weeks until we could get in there. This is the 5th time they've changed our move in date. If they had meant what they said from the very beginning we would have moved into the first house over two months ago. SO, with all this in mind we decided that we didn't want to be their tennants.

Driving home from work on friday I began to worry about trying to find another place to live, how we were going to pay for it, how we were going to live the life we want to, etc, etc... and then it occurred to me that this baby will be arriving into this world in 7 months (give or take a week or two). That is not long. It also occurred to me that no way in a million years do i want to move into a house for 6 months and then move right back out.

So we've decided to stick it out at the cabin. We will continue to live with my folks as we fix up the little house. This will also allow us to save money so that we will not have to borrow money to fix it up. Also we can keep a garden in the hollow this summer as well. Once the weather gets warm we may move out to the Teepee, we'll see. In the mean time, wish us luck, patience, tolerance and good weather.

We start work on the Little House weekend after this coming. We will be:
-putting a new roof on
-putting in a floor
-puttin on new siding and insulating from the outside.
-redoing the loft
-straightening it out, there's a special term for this but i forget what it is, basically it's really crooked and we're making it straight.

Next spring we will add an addition to the back.
We are also hoping to get a couple nanny goats and a few hens next spring. And maybe next summer we'll have a HUGE party and redig the pond.

This is what the baby will look like next thursday, just before it's mom and dad finally (hopefully, maybe) will move into their new place. (Yes, the pushed the move-in date back yet ANOTHER week... i hope they get lice)
Today is officially the end of the first 7 weeks of my pregnancy. Whoo hoo... what a long way to go we have.

I miss Prescott.

A Call to All of my Knitter friends

I've decided to put a call out to my knitting friends. There are some things that would be awsome to have for the kid. I realize it's a bit premature (badum' bum' ching) but if you're anything like me you are a procrastinating knitter and it took you at least two years to finish that last scarf.

so here are some fun patterns if you feel like playing around with them. If you find something else feel free to do that. Or if you could care less, feel free to do that too.

Baby Booties

Bug Hat
Soakers

If you're feeling really adventurous:
Pants

Hoodie

Another Weekend Update

Friday night Ben and I went to pick up Ben's Dad, Rex and his Dad's girlfriend, Dolores from the airport on their way home from New Zealand. They have spent the last three and a half weeks in that glorious and sheep infested country. Am I ever jealous.

Since Ben and I drive little trucks with room enough for three if you squeeze and aren't shy, we decided to borrow Rex's 4-runner to pick them up in. Unfortunately for us Ben's little brother had borrowed the 4-runner and left it with out gas. He did however thoughtfully call us to say it didn't have gas in it and he was leaving us $6 on the kitchen counter for gas. $6.00, not a clue what that was supposed to cover really... Basically Ben's brother is careless and thoughtless and generally difficult to be around due to his neediness, and self-absorbtion.

Anyhow, we picked up Rex and Dolores and after getting lost in the airport (because we confused c4 with 4c in the parking area) we finally made our way back home. We told Rex that he's going to be a grandfather while walking through baggage claim where he promptly dropped his suitcase and hemmed and hawed a bit. He seemed happy enough, nervous though... On the ride home however, he did not understand why he couldn't smoke in the car. sigh. We got home at 2am. This is about 5hours past our usual bedtime. Yes, we are boring people that are usually in bed by 9pm and up by 6am. Needless to say we were pretty grumpy and it was late.

We slept in the next morning though and Jes came over and climbed in bed with us and ate grits and venison. Then Jes and I took a walk in the woods and chatted about the more annoying parts of our lives. The walk was nice and long though and the fresh air did us a world of good. Then we drove to Taneytown and dropped in to visit with her family. We wrestled with the boys, walked down the street to the coffee shop for lunch, watched them play Star Wars monopoly, and picked her mother's brain about her nine pregnancies. Her mom, my Aunt Nini also is an RN and delivers babies and has for years. I've decided to have her present at my birth. She's so awesome. She also gave me a really amazing book called "Spiritual Midwifery" which has the most amazing pictures.

I was home by 5:30, Jes went to her home and i made a quick meal of spaghetti and was tucked into bed and dozing by 8:30pm. An old friend called and invited me to a bon-fire and if i had though i would have made it there without falling asleep on the drive i'd have gone. I couldn't even rouse myself enough to close down the fire for the night and was diminished to begging my darling husband into doing it for me.

Sunday found us up early to pick up Ben's brother, head to the city to meet Ben's sister and then all four of us heading down to Fruitland (Salisbury area) to visit Ben's mom for the day. That was fun but again i found myself wanting to do nothing but sleep. I napped on the drive down. Once we got there I fell asleep on the sofa while watching season one of the Muppet Show. I love that show... so many memories. And then I woke up long enough to eat and get in the car and then i slept on the way home. You would think after a long day of sleeping wouldn't have been able to konk out the way i did when i got home. But 11:30 found my nestled into bed and sound asleep, most likely snoring.

So the tales of sleeping, eating and peeing continue, as that is what my life has been reduced to.

Hope you all had a glorious weekend too.

gads and gobs

Things are better, or looking up, or maybe i'm just too tired to freak out any further. It could also be that those happy hormones that they say pregnant women produce have started to flood my system. I suppose it doesn't really matter at this point...

Ben (my totally awsome favoritest person in the world) got to a tag and title place yesterday and was able to sort out (mostly) all of our truck stuff. We've been having some bad luck when it comes to cars recently. Both of them have been in minor accidents neither of which were our fault (and Ben was driving both times, it's a wonder he can get behind the wheel at all and not feel as though everyone's out to get him). My truck got a ticket a couple weeks ago for having expired tags... turns out that Ben when he renewed our registration on the Isuzu put the new sticker on the Toyota and now my truck looks like it isn't registered. Luckily i work with police officers and i had them run the tags and at least make sure the truck is actually registered, which it is. Anyhow, we've been having trouble getting them registered in MD, but i think we finally have it all sorted out. I can start driving my car to work again and we can begin thinking about how to get a car with a back seat. Anyone want to buy a little white pick-up?

Meanwhile there are gobs of people out there giving me the same damned speech about how I shouldn't worry, how everything's going to be fine, about how their parents didn't have any money, about how we're going to be awsome parents.... etc. etc. etc... and as much as I love all these people, i think i'm tired of it...

Why does everyone tell you to "stop freaking out"??? i mean freaking out is probably a good thing. I would rather get it all out in one fell swoop, worry my brains out, be totally convinced we're fucked, and then once it feels as though we haven't a snow-ball's-chance-in-a-woodstove i'll be too tired to carry it on much longer.

I'm good at freaking out, i'm good at worrying and panicking...

I really and truely appreciate everyone being supportive, loving, etc... but just like the whole "don't cry" thing... i'm gunna. I'm gunna and there's nothing you can do about it so sit with me while i freak out, and maybe tell me "you know you're completely right, you're 100% fucked, you may as well give up now."

PS: West! Welcome to the e-gads of people who have nothing better to do but spill their beans on the internet... Now we can blab all day to each other!