Death Predictor

http://evil.berzerker.net/death_predictions.php

This Website has told me:

"Libby Jones: At age 59, you will die lonely and alone from morbid obesity. "

*is that not the perfect thing to tell a young pregnant woman who is already paranoid about never getting her old body or life back?*

What happens when you swallow a watermelon seed

Life Cycle of a Dragonfly

While fishing down at Frog Hollow yesterday Ben, my cousin Charlie and his wife Sandra and I all got to witness something totally incredible.

We watched a dragonfly emerge from the hardened shell of it's nymph form. Uncurl it's wings and it's long tail, dry off in the sun. Unfold it's wings and take off on it's first flight in it's new body.

Although it makes complete sense, I had no idea that dragonflies started out as beetly creatures (nymphs, just like butterflies, moths and others). The whole process took about three or four hours and during it's transformation it turned from bright green to a sort of transparenty yellow and brown/black where the bracts of the tail and outter armor met.

It was really, really, cool.

Fourth grade science project here I come!!!


We also saw a 5 ft long blacksnake who i named Johnny Sprockets and a big old box turtle named Too Step. Ahh nature! (Oh and Ben caught the biggest fish so far of the season, a large mouth bass).

Easy Soaker Pattern

I was digging through some things this weekend looking for good yarn to make soakers and I found this great pattern that my mother made up. It's a simple, easy Soaker pattern. So, if anyone feels so inclined, I would owe you greatly if you wanted to knit a pair or two of soakers for the wee one.

(for those of you who don't know: Soakers are for babies who wear cloth diapers. They are like woolen underpants that go over the cloth diaper to help hold it in place and to act as another layer of protection against leaks)

Pattern:

You will need: 1pair size 7 needles. 1 yarn needle. 2-3 ounces of wool yarn (Worsted weight or about .5 cm in diameter)

Size: Infant to 6mos. (7mos. to Toddler)

Cast on 30 (40) stitches. Work in K1P1 (knit one purl one) ribbing for three rows.

Fourth row: *K1P1 YO (yarn over: pass yarn over needle one time, forming another stitch). p2 tog (purl two stitches together), repeat from * to end of row. Work in K1P1 ribbing for three more rows. This makes a row of holes for the drawstring.

For the next 3 (4.5) inches work in stockinette stitch (knit one row, purl one row.)

Leg openings and crotch: *K1 slip next stitch with yarn in front. Repeat from * to end of row. Rpeat this row for next 4.5 (5.5) inches. This forms a double panel of fabric that is somewhat narrower than the rest of the garment.

Work in stockinette stitch for antoher 3 (4.5) inches. Work in K1P1 ribbing for three rows. Next row *K1P1 YO P2 tog. Repeat from # to end of row. Work in K1P1 ribbing for three more rows. Bind off in K1P1 ribbing.


Thread a yarn needle with a length of yarn. Sew up sides form top of ribbing to beginning of crotch panel. Weave ends in and clip off excess. Thread drawstring through the holes in the ribbing. (You can make a drawstring from braided or twisted yarn).

Tada!! You have Soakers!

horrible photos

This is my incredibly handsome Husband looking like someone just dragged his fuzzy ass out of the woods and slapped some amish guys clothes on him. Nonetheless he's a cutie and a half ... Don't be fooled by that psycho-stare he's got going on.







These are the horrible photos (mostly cause i'm making awful faces) of me and my cousin Sarah. She is 28 weeks and I am 19 weeks. Notice how determined I am to avoid maternity clothes for as long as possible.

Shout out to my Homies

I realize my postings have been sort of lame as well as farther and father between. What can I say? I've been feeling antisocial, fat, pregnant, slightly gassy, and homesick for all my homies back in the town of P (not to be confused with pee)

The weekend was good. Nice long one for once I almost felt recharged and ready for the week... almost... I could have used one more day.

Friday night i babysat for some children of a friend of the family's. Way back when I used to babysit for her oldest who was about 6 months at the time. Now he's eleven and bigger than I am on all accounts. He has two younger siblings both of whom are adorable and fun as can be. Jac, the middle of the three taught me a card game called 31 it's kind of a cross between 21 black jack and rummy.

Saturday Ben and I slept in and rolled around admiring each other until the rumblings and cravings of the Belly forced us both out of bed. We snacked and then made our way down to Owings Mills with the intention of getting our oh so late emissions testing done for the car. When we got there they were closed though, due to the holiday weekend... ugh, how frustrating. So we headed over to Hampden to have breakfast with my beautiful cousin Jes, her husband Ian, and Jes's little brother Rico.
After breakfast the boys headed off to make dry ice bombs while the Jes and I (being the responsible wives that we are went to run errands).
After all that fun Ben and I went home and my cousin (from my dad's side this time), Juli came to visit. She lives in Germany with her boyfriend but was in town to study and take her GREs and we had dinner to celebrate her fantastic score.
For dinner we had fresh caught fish from the resevoir that Ben and I caught earlier in the week and kept in the freezer, baked sweet potatoes, green beans and a big ol' salad full of roasted nuts and feta. For desert i made the best cake ever that was soooo oooey goooey chocolatey we may as well have been eating a giant half melted bar of Ghiridelhi (sp?). I decorated it with strawberries, blueberries and mango slices. Man was it ever good. I'm drooling just thinking about it now.
Juli also brought us the entire 5th season of "Six Feet Under." (we're obsessed). THANK YOU JULI!!!

Sunday felt incredibly short. We woke up late, pittered around. Waited for a phone call from a friend telling us if she was coming fishing or not. She didn't end up coming after all. And eventually Ben and I hopped in the car and drove to Keedysville, MD to my uncle's house for a party celebrating all the graduates of the year. I got to see my cousin who is 7 months pregnant and a year younger than I. Everyone took pictures of us belly to belly... next to her I just look like a fat girl after thanksgiving dinner. Then we drove home and snuggled up in front of more episodes of "Six Feet Under."

Monday was good. I woke up totally elated that I didn't have to go to work. Mom and I went for a long walk in the woods and then Mom, Dad, Ben and I all went and saw "The Davinci Code." It was alright... just like the book, predictable and anti-climactic. However, it had Audrey TouTou in it whom i love. Then we went home and took a nap in the swealtering heat/humidity (i can't take this humidity). When I awoke I was incredibly grumpy and Ben forced me to take a cold bath to cool down and re-collect myself. Then we met Mom and Dad at the Trap range for a Memorial Day picnic and some trigger pulling. I didn't do too well but nothing to be ashamed of either (18/25). Mostly it was just nice to pull the trigger and smell the gun powder. I do worry about making my fetus deaf though... Rowen, any advice?

Today i'm feeling oh-so-grumpy. I'm fighting with the people we were supposed to rent that house from, trying to get our deposit back. Mostly the woman is being a bitch. She keeps saying she's sending it but it has yet to get here and continues to tell me that we aren't even entitled to getting our money back... I'm tired of fighting with people. I'm tired of the threat of involving lawyers and what not. Between that accident on New Year's and these Rental People I'm surprised I haven't resorted to fire bombing...

It's nice that May is over. It did go pretty quick though.
Now if only June will prove to be just as mellow and quick I will be a happy dear.

As far as Pregnancy news goes, there is none. The baby and I are doing fine. The baby squirms a lot and Ben can feel it too which is nice. We like to lay in bed communing with our little dancing baby. At the last visit i had gained 9lbs, I'm guessing I may be up to 12 now. My belly is changing shape slowly, though it doesn't necessarily feel like it's growing, though I'm sure it is. No major symptoms... I get tired faster but not like the first trimester, and I have a short fuse, but I had a short fuse to begin with.

I did find the cable to my camera so if i can remember to bring it to work I'll post pictures of the little house and my belly soon.

Installment 2 of "Hormones or My Imagination"

About three weeks ago i was in the kitchen cooking and whatnot when the drain board had a slight avalanche and the large glass mixing bowl on the end fell. I was facing the opposite direction and only heard the clatter as the avalanche began. I spun around, reached out, and ended up catching the glass bowl by it's rim on three finger tips...

I put the bowl on the counter and stood there stunned wondering why I was able to do that when four months ago that bowl would have plummetted to it's messy suicide without my even being able to turn around in time to see it hit the floor and smash into a billion pieces.

Over the last few weeks I've been noticing this reflex thing more and more. Mostly it's when things are dropping to the floor. Just now i caught a binder that was falling off my desk, last week a caught a piece of honey-toast with my belly... (okay that was more an effect of the growing belly than reflex but...)

My point being: Is this some sort of effect of pregnancy hormones? Is this nature's way of minimizing the liklihood that I will drop little Bucksnort? Hrmmmm.

Fetal Update

Things My Baby Can Do:
-The arms and legs begin to punch and kick.
-The fingernails are well formed.
-The unborn child can suck its thumb.
-Taste buds are present.
-Male or female gender is evident.
-A protective waxy coating is present on the skin.
-The length is about 5 to 6 inches

Updates and Random bits

1. Apparently Psycho-preggy-lady is a common alter ego that rears her short-tempered head around the 17 week mark. So my homicidal fantasies regarding a certain anonymous co-worker are perfectly normal. Oh and Rowen, I agree about the dangers of directing my alter-ego's incredible super-villian powers at Ben. But thankfully the anonymous co-worker works as an outlet for me to blame things on. So that way Psycho-preggy-lady is all tuckered out by the end of the day and my darling, sweetheart of a husband gets the better bits of his tired and oh-so-silly wife.

2. Steve and Sarah (and their little boys) from Prescott are coming to visit in the fall (around the baby's due date). Steve has a commission for a pool table in Lexington, MA and will be going up there (probably with Ben) to install it. Steve makes incredible furniture and Ben used to work with him occasionally in Az.

3. The bump is growing and i still have as of yet to buy preggy clothes (especially pants). Currently I cannot button ANY of my pants and simply go around with them undone, wearing long shirts so no one can tell.

4. My parents refuse to stop calling the baby "Bucksnort." I asked if it's a girl will they call it "Doesnort." Mom says no but maybe "Squash Blossom." Poor baby.

5. My First Mothers' Day:
After a wonderful morning of sleeping in and snuggling Ben surprised me with roses, a pint of strawberries and a mango. We had a big breakfast with Mom and Dad before they went off to the trap range. I threw on my mud overalls (the ones i wear to play in the mud) and weeded the vegetable garden.
Then Ben and I went fishing and caught four beautiful fish for lunch. We caught more than that but a bunch of them were teeny blue gills and we let them go. We went home and cleaned the fish putting them in the icebox (we don't have a refridgerator) so we could run errands. We went to the movie store and rented a few movies including Alice's Restaurant (Arlo Guthrie) which Ben hasn't seen and I haven't seen since I was in high school. And we stopped by the Goodwill to hunt for t-shirts for Ben and clothes that would fit his ever-growing wife.
We went home and fried up the fish and steamed our fresh asparagus and ate lunch. Then I took a nap and did some laundry then we snuggled in and watched movies until we fell asleep.

Maybe it's a symptom of pregnancy

I have a barely controlable urge to beat the shit out of a co-worker of mine. I want to reach out and grab her by the hair on the back of her head and smash her face into the desk repeatedly. I want to strangle her and watch her big dopey eyes go dead in her bloodied bashed-in face.

How is it possible to hate someone this much? I don't even really know her. She hasn't really done anything to me. But every time i hear her voice or her stupid laugh my blood boils...

I'm wondering if i shouldn't leave work early today to keep from doing something I'll regret.

I just wrote the following e-mail to my cousin and bestest friend telling her how our appointment lastnight went. So I thought I'd copy it here for the benefit of all to read:


Dear Jes,

Hi, hi. Sorry, I was gunna e-mail you as soon as i got in but my internet went down for some reason.

Everything is good. We got to listen to the heart beat which was super strong and loud, it was really wild. Mom and Dad came and got to hear the heart beat too.

Did I tell you that the birth center caters to all the amish families in that area? yep, amish, amish everywhere.

All my bloodwork came back good and strong. My iron levels are very high which is excellent, must be all that kukicha and cooking in cast iron skillets...

One minor thing: i do not have a definite imunity to the german measles so I've been instructed to avoid people with spotty deseases. But the midwife also said it's no big deal and that I probably am immune but that modern science can't be sure.

I've gained a whopping 9lbs! It sounds a bit high to me but the midwife said that it's great. We went over my 3 day food log that I was assigned to do and she kept exclaiming how well we eat. She said to just make sure I'm keeping it down to about one glass of juice a day and avoid the high fructose corn syrup things, which i normally do anyhow.

My Leukocyte levels are slightly high but I don't know what that means and she said it's nothing. But i'm gunna look it up today anyhow.

As she was setting up the doppler to listen to the heartbeat she felt my uterus and said, "Wow, the top of your Uterus is right about at your bellybutton." Earlier she said it should be a bout two finger widths below my belly button. I'm wondering if this baby is going to be big.

She said that my stomach muscles are very strong and because of that i haven't quite "popped out" yet. In around 3 weeks my uterus should come out more and allow more room for the baby so it's not all squished in there kicking at my pubic bone.

She also confirmed that I have been feeling the baby move and that even though it's not terribly common for first time mothers to feel the baby move at 14 weeks, it's not indicative of anything either and that I'm lucky and it's a good thing.

The lady that did our exam last time was not one of the midwives, she was the gyn/fertility expert and an RN. The lady we had this time was one of the midwives (of which there are two). She was super great. She's real soft and very funny, great sense of humor. She teased Ben and was very direct and open without being condescending. She was so cute. I told her about the yeast infections and she said, "I know it sounds weird but yogurt sex is an old midwives trick. It works really well and it can be a lot of fun, just make sure you use the plain kind." She kind of blushed when she said all this but was really cute about it.

So from now on we will have one or the other of the midwives to do our exams so we will get to know them both very well and who ever is on call when we go into labor we will have had plenty of contact with.

Dad absolutely LOVED the place, he loved that they catered to the amish population and all the way home was talking about buying bucksnort a little straw hat and suspenders.

Also the birthing center has just moved to their new location. The first time we went it was funny cause basically they were in a trailer in the middle of a corn field. But their new location is really nice, brand spankin' new and huge with a lot of windows. They have two birthing rooms both with their own jaccuzzi/hot tub, big beds, and a very homey feel. They have a kitchen/living room for the family to wait in with a vcr/dvd player and toys. They also have a big lending library of good birthing books they reccommend to their clients.

I love that place. I feel like i couldn't have picked a better place to have Bucksnort (which is what Mom and Dad have named their first grandchild). Everytime i leave there I'm so happy and excited to give birth. I feel like embracing the whole world. Nothing like feeling like you're in competent and loving hands for something that could be potentially scary and traumatizing.

At dinner Mom and Dad regaled us with stories of having Miah at GBMC and how awful everyone was to them and how they should have had us at the birthing center (which has been open since 1978), but how they didn't know about it and thank God for the internet...

Dad was on cloud 9 all night after our visit. He kept saying, "I'm so happy for you guys! I almost want to have another baby myself."

Oh, and the front desk lady (who i think is part amish???) always has her little baby with her, actually he's not so little he's maybe 8 months. Anyhow, mom walked right in and grabbed him from the desk lady and was instantly in love. Dad was crawling around on the floor with him and even Ben held his arms out to the wee one and wanted to play with him. Ben needs more baby time. I'm thinking of taking him down to Mary's to play with Tieggy, you should see his eyes light up when he holds a baby.

Did I tell you that the other night when we were babysitting for Brooke's boys that I couldn't get Grifffin to go down but Ben could?? I could get Griffin to fall asleep in my arms but I couldn't lay him in the crib without him waking up and freaking out. After I tried a couple times and got really frustrated I handed the sleeping kid off to Ben who had him in his crib and snoring away in no time. It was incredible. What a man, my man.

Anyhow, the visit was great and if you ever want to come with me sometime to meet everyone and watch and learn how to get there (since you'll be at the birth) just let me know! I'd love to have you along.

My next visit is set for June 13th. And sometime next month or the month after we will schedule our ultra sound (no, we're not finding out if it's a boy or a girl) i'm just excited to see our little Bucksnort.

love you!
-L

Baby Check-up this Evening

BEST WEBSITE EVER

This is the greatest thing ever. You should all register now!!

https://www.donotcall.gov/default.aspx

What a Rotten Morning!

I wake up 1/2 hr late and run around like a mad woman and then can't find my wallet which I finally find in my car anyway.

Traffic absolutely sucks and I end up at work late

I get to work and there are a whole slew of post-it notes from stupid Copier salesmen who want to sell us a new copier.

The giant rubber ball i use for an office chair has a hole in it cause I ran over a staple and now i don't know if it's patchable. It's pretty new too... And now I have to sit in a chair all day.

Dear Gerbil Baby Growing in my Belly,

You put the "us" back in Uterus.

Love,
Your Mama

PS: Can you start craving things like raisins instead of icecream please?

The Fatty Blues

If someone says to you:
By having sex there is a good chance you will end up having to spend the better part of a year

-gaining loads of weight
-being REALLY gassy
-eating everything you come in contact with
-crying at the drop of a hat
-Laughing hysterically at inappropriate movies
-either completely uninterested in sex, or overly interested in sex
-swollen feet, ankles and sinuses
-avoiding alcohol, smokey rooms, loud music, and anything that requires you to stay up late
(which just happens to be where all your friends are)
-having to pass up your favorite foods
-getting stretch marks
-getting vericose veins
-worrying that you'll never be sexy again
-getting nose bleeds
-interminable headaches (for which you shouldn't take pain killers)
-shortness of breath
-aching back, neck, and every other part of your body
-long sleepless nights
-general discomfort
-being woozy
-being mean
-being either way hotter or way colder than everyone else in the room
-not fitting between the driver seat and the steering wheel of your car
-looking like a hippo
-having strangers touch you
-getting unwanted advice from complete morons and strangers and strange morons
-and worrying that you're doing it all wrong

Then all that will end with an episode of more pain than you could possibly ever imagine. You will be ripped in half starting with your vagina just to allow this little tyrant out into the world and then for the next six months you're going to have cracked, chapped, sore nipples and feel like a dairy cow and at any given point in the day be covered in shit, piss, sour milk, vomit, or otherwise... and then you will spend the rest of your life scared shitless for this little being...

Do you think it'd make a difference? You're right...probably not...

Ivillage Idiots

According to my "Pregnancy Calendar" on Ivillage.com my baby is the size of a gerbil.

WHY WOULD THEY COMPARE MY BABY TO A GERBIL?????!!!!!!!!

Tids and Bits

-As Jen reminded me it was Administrative Professionals Day or what was previously known as Secretarys' Day. Did you hug your secretary or personal assistant yesterday? You'd better do it now (make sure they aren't armed first). My boss, after i reminded her, bought be a gift certificate to target.

-Unique-Stephen (complete stranger) brought this to my attention which is absolutely marvelous and darned funny. Thank you US, and who are you and how did you find me?

-If anyone is interested this is where we're going to be having the baby. I know, I know having the being born in Pennsylvania does hinder the kid's coolness and good dental hygiene future, but at least I don't have to be afraid that they will cut off the kid's foreskin without my permission. Our next check-up is May 9th, I'll let you know if anything interesting happens.

-For all those of you who read this who may have to make the trek to come to our Wedding reception/ Baby shower/ Housewarming/ Welcome Home/ Stuff yourself stupid and give us a hug-shindig-- the plan is to go for late August to accomodate (see how much i love you) those who aren't able to make it in early and mid August (perhaps the 26th,27th)

-For all those of you who i have not formally invited or mentioned this to, consider yourselves all formally invited and informed. I will keep you posted.

-The Fairie Festival at Spoutwood Farms in Glenrock, PA is May 6&7 for those of you who would like to come and visit me, or hide behind the nearest tree and point and laugh.

-Our newest baby name choice for a boy is Aiden, any comments?

Hello Gas, Goodbye Savings

So I leave for work this morning, get to the gas station where it's a whopping $3.09/gallon and I think to myself oh, well the other day it was $3.01 at the gas station near work, I'll just go there. I get to the gas station by work and it's at $3.11. Meanwhile i'm on empty in my inherited stupid green sedan. I decide to bite the bullet and pay for at least some gas so I can at least get home and I realize I don't have my wallet.

(don't worry i'm not stranded, i borrowed some $ from a co-worker who i'll pay back tomorrow)

However, this little saga got me to thinking: How did gas prices go up 10 cents in less than two days. So i looked it up.

Turns out for the last three days the price of crude has reached increasing record highs and they predict it'll go up to $80 per barrel before the end of June!! (It's currently at $72, i think)

Also: Bush has halted the environmental law that was passed forcing gas refineries to mix gasoline with ethanol to reduce air and water pollution to try and reduce gas prices.

Also: The average retail price of gasoline nationwide is $2.80 a gallon, though stations are charging more than $3 a gallon in many parts of the country.

Excerpt from MSNBC article:

The biggest factor underpinning higher gasoline prices is the roughly 38 percent rise in crude oil costs over the past year. On an inflation-adjusted basis, oil prices would have to rise above $90 to exceed the all-time highs set a quarter century ago when supplies became tight in the aftermath of a revolution in Iran and a war between Iraq and Iran.
Analysts said the market psychology would likely remain bullish until there is either a significant dropoff in demand or resolution to a variety of geopolitical uncertainties, particularly the West’s nuclear dispute with Iran and output disruptions in Nigeria.
“The worries of Iran won’t go away any time soon, and in that sort of environment very few people are willing to be short on oil,” said Tobin Gorey, a commodities analyst with the Commonwealth Bank of Australia in Sydney.

Read more here

Knocked up update

14 weeks and 4 days knocked up.

Feeling good for the most part. The last two weeks I've felt like i'm getting bigger everyday, except no one but me can tell. I weighed myself at my grandmother's house (we don't have a scale) and I've gained 4.5 lbs so far.

I've had to borrow pants because my own are very tight these days. I did end up buying a few maternity things we'll see how far they get me.

This inbetween stage is the hardest I think. Feeling fat but not looking pregnant quite yet (at least not to strangers) and anticipating the rest of the pregnancy. I feel like it must get more fun somewhere along the way.