Oh yeah, and there's these too.

Oh, Ian Douglas Corey... how very much we owe you for photographically capturing our life for us since we're lazy and untalented with anything resembling a camera...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/iancorey/5700225424/in/set-72157626674566374/

just a terrible blogger

yes, i know. i'm an awful blogger. i feel like i was once good at it... and then well... or maybe regularly... become awful at keeping up with it. at writing what's going on with me, my family, my life...

Yes, you're not the only one who turtles up in times of crisis or not even crisis but maybe more of a depleted resources time.

Ok. So...
Mother's day was fantastic. in fact life is fantastic.
No seriously. Life is good. Ben and i are madly in love with each other and our children. And while not madly in love with life, not completely dissatisfied and fatalistic about it.

I started seeing Terri's recommended acupuncturist. it was more or less on a whim. I had been considering body work of some nature or another at the time. But wasn't sure what precisely i was looking for. And Terri raved about the woman she had been seeing. So i went. And, unlike me, did NOT research acupuncture at all.  (yes, i know, but shut up. I'm trying this new thing where i don't research things to death and i just try to remain open to experience).  And well, i'm working on parts of myself i have been working on for ages (or what feels like ages) and what i have traditionally had NO results in working on (my fatalistic nature, severe anxiety, trouble falling asleep, ruminating thoughts, anger management), i am changing. things are shifting. it's very, very amazing.  AND the super fantastic thing is, as i start to change and i start to shift, the things and people around me are starting to shift too.

SO... Back to mother's day weekend.  Saturday Ben and I (yes it took two of us) put training wheels on Esther's newly inherited two-wheeler. And then we took a picnic to the playground in New Freedom where we ate, played on the swings and watched Esther ride around the tennis courts like a bat out of hell purgatory.  She was super cute.  Fell down twice and once scraped her knees pretty bad but did not cry or even look like she wanted to cry. I am so proud!!!  Sunday,  I started the day with a happy and crazy Asa who i brought down to my bed as soon as i heard him awake, we sort of cuddled, sort of head-butted, and he sort of told very emphatic nonsense stories... then Esther woke up and we did our breakfast thing while Daddy slept in (a much needed sleep-in i may add as Asa was up half the night whining).  Once daddy woke up we had a fantastic breakfast of pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream. Then daddy and the kids played outside and did laundry and i cleaned the kitchen and made food for the week. Then i ran off to see a movie with Jesy and then we went to goodwill for some treasure hunting.  It was a very good visit with her. I feel like all too often i run around so crazy and so busy that i never enjoy where i am and who i'm with when i'm with them. I'm always looking to the next thing, the next day, the next person or headache. But i am trying to be more conscious about being present. And i hope that translates to visits with you too...  if it doesn't just grab me by the face and while looking forcefully into my eyes say "HEY, WHERE THE F--- ARE YOU???"

after goodwill i ran to meet my folks and ben and the kids for dinner at the mexican place near the movie theater.

Anyhow. good weekend.
maybe next post will be more photos about pretty babies and less about my fixes for my insanity. ... maybe...

The porch pot garden...

No not growing pot, just growing stuff IN pots. You see the peas are going gang busters. The pot closest to the camera is a mixed lettuce deal and the other ones are morning glories which I just got around to planting this week.

Funny face girls!

Smiling... Finally...

Geez mom!

Big girl

Stop looking at my dinner like that!

Am I eating a pan of meatballs with hot sauce and white wine for dinner??? YES I AM! (oh shut up, it's free range!)

Libby vs insomnia

And here we are again... Insomnia.
Ben took the kids this morning at 5am down to the eastern shore with his sister to visit their mom. I'm working the fairie festival all weekend and have to stay here.

And though, after a very long day of festival work, and despite being exhausted... I cannot sleep. I cannot turn off my brain. And there are other people sleeping in my house so I can't even watch movies or make tea or the like...

I don't understand this insanity of mine. My brain is constantly on overdrive. Over-anxious, over-emotional, over-stressed, over-guilty...

And I have an upset stomach. It's possibly a side effect of the anxiety of being away from ben and the little ones... But could also be the crap-load of junkfood I had for dinner.

So what now?

Sent from my iPhone

Can't buy me love... but he can buy me new chickens!

Ok. so i weeped...  and tried to be good and not whine, not blame, and not be a total bitch. And it must have worked because after an appropriate grieving period of 24 hours, Ben went to the O'Niel farm and bought three more hens and a rooster.

We now have, in addition to our two surviving Golden Wyandottes:
a Rhode Island Red (hen) -- her name is Foxy
a Plymouth Rock (hen)- i think? -- her name is Sylvia
an Ameraucana (hen) - i think?, she lays green eggs and has a beard -- her name is Bernadette the bearded lady
and I think our rooster is a Silver Laced Wyandotte -- His name is Sergeant York (or Yolk, depending on how punny you feel)

and yeesh is the Sergeant ever a loud bugger!

i'll post pics when i get some good ones.

Asa, My Kitchen Aid!

Yes, it's true. My small lad has inherited my penchant for knives... he likes to help me in the kitchen when chopping vegetables. So lately i've been giving him a butter knife (the non-serrated kind) and canned kidney beans. 

*sigh* ... apple< tree.

Asa Health Update (or How to Fatten up Your Kid)

So, i don't think i wrote anything about our visit with the Endocrinologist. We took Asa to see an Endocrinologist in a huge building in the city (part of the university i think).  Anyhow, he's too small... He's not on the chart. And yes, i am small, and yes he will be a small adult... but i guess he's still TOO small...

After a very long and stressful conversation with the endocrinologist (stressful because Ben can be... um...very... um...forceful when speaking with healthcare professionals) she ordered a chloride sweat test to be done to check for cystic fibrosis.  We're going back to the huge and insane building in downtown baltimore tomorrow for that test.  She also ordered some blood work to be done but not until July for some reason. In the mean time, we're supposed to be feeding him pediasure.  

Now, you all know me and my insane ideas about nutrition and what not. And my insane need to make my life more complicated than it already is... and my desire to do the complete opposite from what i am told... 

That said, i'm attempting to fatten up my boy (and girl too because we simply must be fair) with my own high calorie smoothie thingies.

Every morning (which now start at 6am) i get up and make said shakes.  Recipe:

1 cup Amazake (200 calories per 8oz)
1 cup high calorie plain greek yogurt (this one is 290 calories per 8oz)

1 tblspn agave nectar

enough frozen organic fruit of your choosing to fill the rest of the magic bullet container

If i call it a "milk shake" and tell them that it's bad for them they'll drink it. ;)

Fairie Festival

It's sneaking up on us... i'm not ready...
anyone coming? April 29-May1.
go to www.spoutwood.org/fairie-festival for more info...

weeping on the way to work...

something got four of our six chickens... we have two survivors...

Spring evenings

Sometimes I actually dread the evenings. The hustle and hassle of getting the kids to eat (nothing short of sitting on them and shoveling it in seems to work), cleaning up the related mess, bathing the kids (repeatedly dunking them in water until my ears are bleeding from the whining and crying), cleaning up the related mess, and putting them to sleep (also requires sitting on them)... But of late I've somehow, through nagging; cajoling; finagling; and favor promising gotten Ben into playing nightly games of chess.

Now, it's important to note here that I am distinctly NOT good at chess. I just happen to like it. I'm not exactly sure why I like it though. While playing, I can often be found tearing my hair our, breathing heavily through flared nostrils, and/or being extremely twitchy.

But I love it. And I get to play it. And it's awesome. Then we watch a couple episodes of The Mighty Boosh drink a beer or some wine and fall asleep peacefully.

Sent from my iPhone

Apathetic Week.

That's right folks! This week is Apathy Awareness week! Are you aware of your own apathy? i sure am.

Well at least when it comes to work anyhow. It's not that i'm not working, because i definitely am working. I am working my tail off... it's just that i don't seem to care any more. Which, when you work for a nonprofit that specializes in a historically under funded field, caring is about all you have going for you. Caring for the people you're helping, caring about the programs and projects and your co-workers... it is, after all, a cause.

But quite frankly, i don't care right now. I'm sure i'll care again some day... maybe tomorrow.  But for today, i keep casting longing glances over my shoulder and out the window into the hot and bright spring day on the other side... taunting me... sneering and jeering at my inability to enjoy it. stupid day...

I think we should have "sun days" like "snow days" - we should be able to cut out of work early on days as beautiful as today. what is wrong with our society??

Narcissistic me

Anyone else ever use a company called photoworks?  I used to use it a long time ago, ya know back when film cameras existed... anyhow, they're closing and all the digital photos they had stored for me needed to be transfered, and i forgot about most of these photos... anyhow... i found a bunch, and because i'm always a little uncomfortable sharing pics of other people without their permission (minus ben and the babies), here's a bunch of pictures of me... from january 2003... 

This is pretty awesome... (yes, another cop out cause i'm busy and i'm cold)