Come one, come all, and bring whiskey. scotch preferably... gin if you wanna get lucky... tequila if you want to get in a fight... bourbon if you want to see me naked and invincible.
New Year's even bonfire in the hollow. We'll provide the fire and a 5ft tall, 98lb, slightly drunk girl who is always ready to wrestle, tell lewd jokes, laugh REALLY freakin' loud, and dare you to go skinny dipping in the resevoir just after midnight with her.
Also, feel free to bring the wee ones, they can sleep in my house while we celebrate the new year with booze and debauchery.
high time i posted something about how i prefer to spend my precious spare time...
Thank you to j, who took the pictures with the crap camera on my phone in bad lighting and still managed to do a great job.
And BIG FAT MARMADUKE HUG STYLE THANK YOU to Ceci who has given me this really awesome thing that i've totally fallen in love with and has saved my precarious sanity and given me a legitimate reason to run away from my kids and husband and laundry and dishes, and one day i may actually run away and join the circus.
So even though i totally bullied him into it, Ben bought me shoes for Christmas. We went on a date to a truly awesome pizza joint - Joe Squared (try the irish pizza). Then he took me to Ma Petite Shoe (the happiest place on earth, disneyland ain't got nothin' on this place!) and let me pick out shoes. I picked out these London Fly shoes i think they're called Yellow Yeddo... They're very fantastic. And i strut like a rooster when i wear them...
ok, technically it's four fingers, two on each hand... and you can't tell from this picture anyhow...
I took a co-worker of mine climbing (gym climbing but albeit, climbing) for the first time a few weeks ago (and is not pictured here due to her paranoid nature of people finding her on the internet and somehow using it against her???). She was desperately in need of a new hobby... and despite my altruistic nature, my motives were purely selfish... i could use someone to go climbing with regularly... even if i do suck at it these days and my heart belongs to trapeze...
The last seven days have felt like seven months. Esther got a fever last Saturday morning and it pretty much lasted until this past Saturday morning. No other symptoms just fever and whining. God awful, ear-piercing, headache inducing whining. Esther, like a lot of children, has a penchant for getting extremely high fevers. And ever since last winter's seizure episode I'm always on egg shells and medicating her every four hours. We alternate ibuprofen with acetaminophen four hours apart. Used alone, they wear off too quickly and her fever returns gang busters... so this way it stays down and various organs can take the hit rather than just her liver... :(
And Monday morning, Jacob died. which i already mentioned. Everyone is a mess over it. He was such a good person. a really, really, really good person. It's amazing to me how naive i can be after 30 years. For some reason i still sit around thinking that the world is inherently good, despite the fact that if asked outright i would deny that the term "good" is an actual state of existence but more of a philosophical and even religious human invention used to justify actions of any nature or consequence. But here i am, freaking out and angry. feeling like the world cheated, like jacob dying somehow broke the rules, and if there are no rules than everything is now at risk... everything started to feel very thin and brittle. And i am not ready for everything to be this fragile. just...feeling sorry for myself... which is so utterly lame... and narcissistic.
Ben and i have hardly seen each other. He spent last weekend in Pittsburgh visiting my sister, brother-in-law, and their new puppy, Charlie. And all week we've been ships passing... at all hours... running back and forth between my aunt's house, my parent's house, company, work, taking care of sick Esther and crazy Asa... And with the fever dreams wreaking complete havoc on our already sleep-sick home, we have spent almost every night, all night apart, one of us with one or both of the kids...
i miss my husband. i miss the safe little bubble of delusion i was living in where everyone i love was safe and indestructible.... i miss having a happy, funny, excited esther. and i'm tired. soooo tired. i want to curl up in ben's armpit and sleep for 32 days, 5 hours, and 6 minutes...
i'm sorry i've been so out of touch with everyone. and will probably remain so since the holiday crunch time is upon us and i have a to-do list longer than i am tall (shut up, it IS a feat actually...). I do love you though... and please, please, please don't die any time soon. don't think i could deal.
