You know, working in the mental health industry i should probably know these things and certainly know folks (hi jesy) who know about these things whom i could no doubt get some distinct answers from.
So are people either bi-polar or not? does it surface at some point (like women in their early thirties?) are there phases like in the spring people are more prone to mood swings?
Either way, like i said, i've been rockin' some serious emotional tsunamis lately. Yay for my family (poor lambs). I went and saw the truly amazing and wonderful acupuncturist yesterday. I had my most intense session yet, i swear i hallucinated at one point (haha, get it? point?). (Look up "100 meetings," which "calls in the ancestors for review of life preceding death") anyhow it was crazy-town and awesome and for the first time in about two or three weeks, i feel like i'm looking out through my own eyes rather than trailing somewhere behind or ahead of myself un-grounded and at the mercy of the march winds...
The other thing i just discovered is that fish oil has mood stabilizing effects! how freakin' awesome is that? So i'm chowing down on fishy gummy vitamins. yum!
In other, and totally fantastic news, I'M GOING TO BE AN AUNTIE!! (again) twice over... My brother and sister-in-law are due Aug 23rd. AND j (my hetero-life-mate/twin-from-another-mother/best-cousin-ever) & een are due Sept 9th. So, i'm super excited to have two babies (THAT AREN'T MINE) to squeeze, sniff, and make stupid faces at. (did i just end my sentence in a preposition? yes i did!)
ok. so i guess that's enough dawdling... i should probably get back to work... uninspiring, silly, stupid, political, social-anxiety inducing work. wish me luck.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Happy First Day of Spring!
Happy First Day of Spring Everyone!
Well, that is i hope yours is happy. mine's turning into a craptastic day. I've said it before and i'll say it again (and i highly doubt anyone i know from work reads this so hopefully this will have no repercussions) I HATE ELECTRONIC RECORDS!!!!
work is sucking the life out of me at present. I just can't seem to get past all the bullshit... I think that i'd be happier with a job where i get to be locked into a tiny room alone and write boring manuals and step by step instructions or oh, and what a thought this is, A PROPOSAL! well i do get to write proposals, but i also have to deal with the other craptastic-day creating b.s. too and that's what sucks. I feel like i spend all day at work fighting with people and then i go home and fight with the kids and fight with ben and believe it or not, I AM SICK OF FIGHTING! i know, i know, you never thought you'd see the day when scappy-wee me would be tired of fighting but it's true.
The other part of it is i feel as though i cannot get on top of anything. i can't stay on top of the dishes or laundry or house work of any kind. I can't eat the produce before it turns to slime in the crisper, i can't read everything in my google reader, i can't cross everything off my to-do list, i can seem to remember to buy everything i need to buy at the grocery store (always forgetting important things like toilet paper and coffee but buying yet another case of expired mayonnaise). My bathroom looks like a band of gorillas lives there. My children are always snotty of nose, filthy of face, and now that spring has arrived their feet are almost always black from running around without shoes on. I just can't seem to escape my backwoods, hillbilly upbringing... and neither can my kids...
I can't keep my house, i can't manage to accomplish enough at work so that my stomach doesn't turn to knots on the drive in anticipating the meetings, conference calls, arguments, and mountains of tedious sh*t i have to do before going home to my allergic, at-his-wits-end, exhausted husband and two insane young children. I feel like everywhere i go someone is yelling at me... telling me they need more from me...
i don't know what to do. i don't think a new job would fix my problem because i'd still need to learn to draw boundary lines between home and work and set up reasonable goals at work and perhaps not feel so responsible for everything...
i guess it's just hard when you feel like you're failing at everything... failing at work, failing at being a wife, failing at being a mama, at being a daughter, a good friend...
Well, that is i hope yours is happy. mine's turning into a craptastic day. I've said it before and i'll say it again (and i highly doubt anyone i know from work reads this so hopefully this will have no repercussions) I HATE ELECTRONIC RECORDS!!!!
work is sucking the life out of me at present. I just can't seem to get past all the bullshit... I think that i'd be happier with a job where i get to be locked into a tiny room alone and write boring manuals and step by step instructions or oh, and what a thought this is, A PROPOSAL! well i do get to write proposals, but i also have to deal with the other craptastic-day creating b.s. too and that's what sucks. I feel like i spend all day at work fighting with people and then i go home and fight with the kids and fight with ben and believe it or not, I AM SICK OF FIGHTING! i know, i know, you never thought you'd see the day when scappy-wee me would be tired of fighting but it's true.
The other part of it is i feel as though i cannot get on top of anything. i can't stay on top of the dishes or laundry or house work of any kind. I can't eat the produce before it turns to slime in the crisper, i can't read everything in my google reader, i can't cross everything off my to-do list, i can seem to remember to buy everything i need to buy at the grocery store (always forgetting important things like toilet paper and coffee but buying yet another case of expired mayonnaise). My bathroom looks like a band of gorillas lives there. My children are always snotty of nose, filthy of face, and now that spring has arrived their feet are almost always black from running around without shoes on. I just can't seem to escape my backwoods, hillbilly upbringing... and neither can my kids...
I can't keep my house, i can't manage to accomplish enough at work so that my stomach doesn't turn to knots on the drive in anticipating the meetings, conference calls, arguments, and mountains of tedious sh*t i have to do before going home to my allergic, at-his-wits-end, exhausted husband and two insane young children. I feel like everywhere i go someone is yelling at me... telling me they need more from me...
i don't know what to do. i don't think a new job would fix my problem because i'd still need to learn to draw boundary lines between home and work and set up reasonable goals at work and perhaps not feel so responsible for everything...
i guess it's just hard when you feel like you're failing at everything... failing at work, failing at being a wife, failing at being a mama, at being a daughter, a good friend...
Wednesday, March 07, 2012
Oblivia strikes again...
Springs fits and starts have begun. If i were to do a character sketch of who i think spring would be if she were a person. She'd definitely be a she, and she'd be HORMONAL and bipolar. laughing one minute, full of creativity and energy and joy and crying pitifully the next feeling utterly hopeless... This is how i feel in spring. I'm literally a crazy person.
It's been a weird few weeks. I keep forgetting things that i remembered just a moment before, i chopped off a small hunk of my left pointer finger (it's pretty gross), and one minute i'm: wall papering the house in packing paper and drawing all sorts of things, baking a quiche, dancing around in a tutu, singing out of tune but joyfully, and the next minute i'm: weeping in a pile of dirty laundry...
oh well. i guess that's how it goes for some of us. I'd like to ask folks who i've come in contact with recently to forgive me though. as much as you can at least... there's really no excuse except oblivia seems to have taken over as the strongest of my tri-fold personalities.
in the mean time, while we're waiting for normal me to return, not too much is going on. work is kicking along as usual. busy and slightly dissatisfying but i guess that's normal. the kiddos are doing great. and normal i guess. though they had their first dentist visit and yikes... may require taking Asa to an oral surgeon... but more on that later. ben is ben. the hollow is trying to wake up for spring but it's so hard when it's so cozy under the covers and the alarm clock just isn't ringing very loudly.
I can't wait for CSA to start again. for trampoline weather, for short-sleeves and hoola-hoop weather... for canoe rides and frozen bananas.
while i'm day dreaming of warmth, here are some pictures to keep you occupied.
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