Letter to Esther - October 28th, 2007 9:15pm

October 28, 2007

Dear Esther,

Today you turned one year old. It’s been a very crazy year. I remember your birth as though it was an hour ago… well maybe not that well, or maybe so given that my short term memory is crap.

I am so glad I had you. You have been the most amazing blessing in my life. You have taken me to the very edges of who I am and beyond. You have forced me to grow in ways that I didn’t know people could. You have challenged me in every way possible and yet despite all the demanding you have encouraged me every step with your little grins and giggles and your wanting me above everyone else. I did not know that people could love the way you have made me love not just you but your daddy too.

Your daddy is an amazing man. He was there every step of your birth, all three days he was by my side waiting and watching, encouraging, loving, anxious, worried. Your birth was the first time I saw your dad cry, both while I was in labor and after you were born he would just look at you transfixed by how beautiful, perfect and small you were.

We had a big birthday party for you today. There must have been at least 50 people here during the course of the day. All of them with little gifts for you and wanting to hug you and show you things and get you to play with them. It was pretty amazing. The baby shower that we had before you were born was similar, lots and lots of people came. Everyone anxious to see you out in the world, embodied as a physical being that the could squeeze and smooch. You sure are one loved little girl!

But above all, I love you. I love you deeper than any love I have ever known. You are an incredible person. You are very, very smart. You have had a whole year of firsts, the first time you smiled, laughed, stood, walked, said “ah-choo” and “duck.” It has been a year of firsts for your daddy and me as well. The first time you kept us up from dusk till down crying like you were in too much pain to bear. The first time you slept through the night. The first day my milk came in, and the first day you ate baby food, and then solid food. The first time we ever felt bigger than the whole universe.

I feel so unworthy of you sometimes. As though my faults and all my cluelessness about being a mother will lead us all astray some day. I worry incessantly and then worry that all my worrying will make you as up tight and anxious as I am. I worry that I put too much pressure on you to be as intelligent as I think you are. And you, my perfect, beautiful, gifted, gorgeous, amazing little one, are just you. You babble a mile a minute. You are curious about everything and have such an appetite for the world that I know no one and nothing could stand in your way ever. Your will is so stout that nothing would dare.

In short, my daughter, those two sleepless nights and three long days were worth it. I would have done six or even a month of labor to have you in my life. I love you more than I will ever be able to express. I hope that during the course of your life you will always know that, even if it is only a fraction of what I truly feel.

Love,

Mama.

One Year Ago Today

Esther's 1st birthday is this Sunday so as a quick recap:

I went into labor on the 25th (a year ago today) around late morning. It was slow and the contractions weren't bad so we waited out the day watching movies and taking walks. That night around dinner time i called the midwife and told her what was going on. She said that if no changes happen in another hour to call her back and we would make a plan. There was no change so we called her and decided to make our way to the birth center (2 hour drive). We took our time and got there around 9pm. That night Ben and I slept in the birth center the midwife checking on us every so often. Around 2am another family came in and gave birth to a baby girl. I listened to the whole labor and wrestled with my own contractions lamenting that my own labor was not progressing. The next morning the midwife said nothing much was happening despite all the contractions. So she sent me on my way.

My parents had driven their camper up and had spent the night in the parking lot of the birthing center and upon hearing our release decided to camp at a near by campground. We spent the day there taking walks and moaning and at 4pm Ben and I went back to the birth center to be checked. I hadn't slept at all the night before because of the contractions and the anticipation. And as the contractions grew steadily worse sleep became even more difficult. They gave me an antihistamine that they usually combine with a shot to help me sleep but i denied the shot and only took the antihistamine which, oddly enough made the contractions even worse. That night i did not sleep again but stayed up all night my mother helping to prop me up because lying down hurt so much. Jes and Nini came to spend the night with us all cramped into that tiny camper. At 4am we decided to go back to the birth center. But shortly after arriving labor stalled yet again. That whole day i spent in the birthing pool waiting and moaning and trying to deal. I threw up a lot. Ben stuck by me the whole time. Eventually they broke my water to try and get things going. They gave me an IV to try and hydrate and revive me as i was so tired and couldn't keep anything down.

After a very long time and three days of no sleep Esther was finally born into the world on the 28th of October at 3am. We had been expecting a dark headed boy but were amazed at our brand spankin' new red headed baby girl.

I got two small stitches. And we eventually did get a little bit of sleep.

Because i didn't post them then.

These pictures were taken during the women's weekend and they just never got posted. Mostly cause they were posted on West's blog and I didn't feel the need to repeat... but seeing as how i don't have any new pictures:

Wicked Wednesday

Corned Beef and Cabbage.



Lessons Learned:
1) if you get the "koolaid beef" don't add salt.
2) always use the whole head of cabbage.

Lookie Lookie!!

Watch Esther Walk!!!

Wicked Wednesday and Ben's Birthday Dinner

We celebrated Ben's birthday (which is today) with j&i last night during our weekly wicked wednesday. We started out with Chili, then went to cake and kissing... and then Esther played with my shoes...

It doesn't look as delicious as it was in this picture... it actually looks sort of like the bog of eternal stench... which, being chili isn't that far off reality...
Every year i make Ben a carrot cake. Which, for me is a big feat. It's not that i'm not good at baking... it's that i don't like to measure and so sometimes it's a bigger adventure than i set out for... you try measuring an 1/8 of a teaspoon with a shaker.

I swear this is a real kiss, we're not just smashing faces.
Ian's sad cause he's not getting a smooch... actually he's proving something to me here...
Ben says, "well then go get some sugar, Bee-Yatch"

So he does... but it wasn't enough.

So he goes back for more, but instead he tries to suck out her soul as my young daughter watches and learns.
Then my young daughter decides she wants to eat my flip flop... ewww. Also, i - this picture is posted just for you.
Hrmmm... which shoe should i eat next
Children really are like puppies

Miss Esther

Nothing New

Busier than a one armed paper hanger (as my mother always says).

My new work schedule keeps me occupied like you wouldn't believe (or maybe would). For those of you who don't know: I am not at the office Mondays and Thursdays and working from Home Tuesdays and Fridays. Mondays Esther is with Ben. and Thursdays she is with our wonderful friend and surrogate second Mother to Ben and I - Finch. (Hi Finchie!) We like to pretend we're sending her off to school since Finch's house is full of critters (including mini donkeys, Guinea hens and ducks) and interesting things to do like eat leaves.

Esther is crazy and hilarious.
We had my parents over for dinner last night and Esther and my Dad had a raspberry contest and then he got her shrieking which i just cannot stand. But they were both as happy as frogs in the rain (not the ones that hop across the road and get squished though, the ones who are happily engrossed in pondly frolicking).

October is the month of Birthdays so don't expect me to be any less occupied and able to put up a proper post any time soon -- chances are i will cheat you all with these dumb little updates sans pictures.

the 2nd was Josh Dreyfus's birthday - Happy Birthday Josh, if you read this...

Ben's birthday is this thursday - Wednesday we'll be celebrating with j&i at our Wicked Wednesday weekly Dinner with Chili and Apple Pie.
Thursday we will celebrate properly with a dinner of Ben's favorite breakfast (he never reads this so he won't know what we're having) - greek omelette, home fries, biscuits and gravy and for dessert the annual Carrot Cake Libby Delux!

Sam Reed's birthday is um... sometime around here too... i forget exactly what day though... So Happy Birthday Sam Reed, even though i know you don't read this. (Mel, you can tell him I wished him a public happy birthday, since he's too good to talk to me or read my blog these days...harumph!)

The 14th is my Aunt Annie's birthday - I'll be taking the pod-ling down to see her that day as well as hang with my Yaya Mary and her adorable girls, and see my Oa who i never get to see enough of (Hi Oa!)

Jessica Matthew's (Ben's sister and one of Esther's Godmothers) is October um.... crap... 21st?(Is that right Jes, i'm sorry if it's not right)

And Susan's (Hi Mom!), Ben's Mama, birthday is also at the end of October (also, i'm sorry i don't have my birthday list in front of me so i'm going to take a wild guess) 23rd I think....

Esther's 1st birthday is the 28th and my Sister is coming down from Pittsburgh to help us celebrate. Other than that i don't know who else will be able to make it, let me know if you're coming so i can plan accordingly - you are all invited...

Brain Baby Book Club 1

Oh how i love alliteration.

So this is our 1st Brain Baby Book Club Meeting.

Here's what i'm athinkin':

I will post the book (I plan to pick relatively quick reads so that no one is bogged down for months a time wallowing in the muck of something indigestible and many of them you may have already read) and discussion questions and you guys can either post a comment with your answers or send me an e-mail (most of you have my e-mail address, if you don't post a comment and i'll send it to you) Once i have a fair bit of response to the question I will post a "Brain Baby Book Club Responses to *title of the book*" for all to read.

or

it could just be an on going comments section so everyone can respond to everyone else but that sounds messy... and everyone reads at different rates so...

So For Our First Read since i've already pimped it quite a bit and am so darned excited about it:

The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls.

warning: the following questions may allude to key points in the story. So if you haven't read it yet, you may want to come back to this post later.

1) Explain the metaphor of the glass castle. Do you think it was a good title for the entire work or not and why?

2) What are some of the primary themes of the book and how did they add or detract from the story?

3) Who was your favorite or the most interesting character in the book? What are some of his/her qualities, flaws, strengths that made them so fascinating?

4) What role did the setting/scenery/location play in the story?

5) What would you say, was the overall mood/tone of the story? Did you find it depressing? Why or why not.

6) Name one of your favorite moments in the book.

(these questions are just some quick discussion guidelines. Feel free to answer just a couple or all of them or none of them. Also feel free to pose other questions to me in an e-mail and i will add them to the list)

HAPPY READING!

Brain Baby...

After sharing my new favorite book and shamelessly whoring it to everyone i know, my good friend and ex-professor (Hi Mel!) gave me an idea:

I was thinking of starting an online book club.

The benefits:
Everyone can read at their own pace
No obligation to participate
Random people can join
People can comment at their leisure
And if you've read it before you can just jump in and comment whenever.

The fun part for me:
I get to pick the reads
I get to ask the questions
(anyone noticing a pattern of severe control issues?)


So: All of those who read this blog, if you are interested please comment to this post with "wheeeeee" that way i'll have an idea of how many people would be interested in doing this. Cause if it's just one or two people i could just call them on the phone and say "so did ya like it?"

Back Log of Things to Post.

Back Log of things to post.

1) Wiggity Wednesday: Another loverly time had by all. In an attempt to do as much grilling as possible before the chill weather sends us in for Roasts and various meat pies; this week brought us Grilled Steaks, Salad, Green beans and Potatoes dug (that afternoon, as you can tell by the mountain of dirt beneath my fingernails - i look like i dug myself out of the grave) from our garden.

2) Workin' from Home. Yay Technology and my flexible and yet afraid of too much change Boss. I start my new schedule next week. In the office Mon and Thurs. Workin' from Home Tues and Fri. AT&T Aircard should provide me with Internet at my house. This will be the first time high speed internet will have reached the hollow. It is a cause for celebration. I'll post a celebration post as soon as i get the aircard.

3) Introduction: Thrombotic Thursdays. We have decided to implement another regular dinner situation. Ben's sister, Jes and her Fiance, Eric will be joining us one thursday a month. This regular dinner set up is nice. Since Esther has been born we don't get out much. We don't see our friends very often since we are, unlike many of our friends rural bound and on a schedule completely dependent on Esther's sleep patterns. So, true to the Mountain/Mohamad proverb people have begun to find ways to travel north. Last visit they brought Thai Take Out (as Ben and I are addicted to ethnic take out) and last night i cooked us up shrimp stir fry and rice. And Why "Thrombotic"? Because it sounds good with Thursdays - and because they have come to the site of the obstruction.

4) Hi Kirstin, Hi Heidi. I miss you guys!

5) Oh and MY NEW FAVORITE BOOK!!! "The Glass Castle" by Jeannette Walls. It's a memoir that is phenomenal. Please go out and get it right this minute. curl up in bed and don't leave it until you're done. and then come back here and tell me what you think!

And Another Bath Time

Also, that is my new shirt. It's my favorite... i wear it all the time...

If the Shoe Fits

Do you Swing?

Teaching Esther Table Manners

wiggity wigity wednesdays

Tasty Tuesdays were moved to Wednesday due to j's new job (yay for her new job!!)
However, that left us with a huge issue... now what are we to call our weekly dinners?? Maybe you guys can help us brain storm.

Anyhow, this week was j&i's turn to cook. and they razzle dazzled ys with the BEST frickin' tamales ever!!!!!! and Homemade green chile sauce.

crazy busy....

We're crazy busy these days. Lots of changes going on at work. And Esther is growing like a weed, a very, very smart and sneaky weed...

Here are some photos from our trip to Oma's house and the beach. (photos are care of Oma)



watchin' the waves with her Dada
Esther, where's your tongue?
I bet i can hide all these toys under the rug before you can stop me...
For some reason she loves to eat my sunglasses???
Esther, how big are you?
What do you mean this isn't a topless beach?
This is my daughter. She's part house fly.
She's dancing with her hand and my knees look too small for the rest of me... that's weird...